November 29, 2007

Comparing or Sharing?

First, thank you for the all the great tips about Curly Hair Care! I should note that I do use Suave for Arun's hair and I love that product for his hair. It is also super cheap, which is a bonus. The thing with Anjali is two-fold - she has curly hair AND sensitive skin. We have an appointment with a pediatric dermatologist to see if eczema is an issue. We do not think it is, but we need to rule it out. In the meantime, I am careful with what I use.

Anyway.........The other day, I posted about Arun recognizing the word "zoo". After publishing, I felt sheepish that perhaps I was bragging so I decided to cut the paragraph out of which basically amounted to a Boast Post. However, Jenny had commented on it so it seemed silly to have her comment out there which made no sense. So, I added the paragraph back in. I hated the perception of being a braggart, but truly - I am so damned excited about the prospect of my kids reading. I have been collecting children's books for years in the fervent hope that I would someday get to share them. Last week, when Arun recognized the word "zoo", my stomach did little flips because I was so thrilled. It makes me tingle to think that in a few years, we will be reading books together.

I try to be conscientious about bragging - I feel so lucky that I have Mojavi and Chocolate Covered Susan with whom I can talk about these little things and feel okay that they know I am not trying to be competitive. Besides, I care for their daughters deeply, have seen both of them grow up since newborns and I love hearing about their accomplishments, too. In fact, over the past 2 years, Susan and I have watched our children hop scotch past each other with all the milestones. Back and forth....back and forth...... back and forth..... We have been able to see firsthand how unique a child can be in his/her development. We know that in the end, most kids wind up at the same point eventually so it does not matter who "did it first".

There was a short time in the beginning of our playgroup's life where we had a Competitive Mom in our midst- and oh God, it was miserable. There is such a fine, thin, teeny line between "comparing" and "sharing" - that mother constantly crossed the line and often hurt our feelings in the process. It was a good lesson for Susan and I - as such, we are very frank with each other now about such things. I would be utterly horrified if she ever thought I was trying to make her feel bad by my talking about something that Arun has done that maybe her daughter has not done yet.

The same applies to the Innernets. I want to use this space to share my excitement about my kids, but rest assured, my intent is to never, ever make someone feel bad if their kid had not reached the same milestone yet. I love reading about all of your kids' accomplishments. I hope you feel the same.


Dooneybug said...

Cagey - by all means please share the wonderful developments of your children!!! It SHOULD be something to celebrate and as long as you aren't comparing and putting down others (which I know you'd never do), then there is nothing wrong with sharing all the accomplishments your children make. And if other people get ticked off when you share things appropriately then they have their own hang ups.

Moderndayhermit said...

I think its great when parents share their children's milestones! Unless someone is being a jerk about it (which I've never seen nor could imagine you doing) then a person should take ownership of their own issues with hearing wonderful tales of other beautiful children.

I love hearing such accomplishments, I think its wonderful!

Or, in other words: ditto dooneybug ;).

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

Thirded. It is interesting to see people reveal, very honestly, the stuff we're not supposed to talk about (the harder/darker side of parenthood) but my favourite posts are when people just allow themselves to write about their children with love, amusement and adoration. Writing about the good, cool awesome stuff your kids do doesn't mean you're keeping it less real.

One of my fave recent entries was Anjali's post on her daughter winning a race. I root for people out here in my corner of blogland. I'm too tired to waste the emotional energy on hate, ergo, I love hearing everyone's triumphs.

I have never met any competimommies myself so I guess I can't speak to the annoyingness, but I think you would be required to put other people's children down on this blog or compare, wouldn't you?

Dee said...

Being proud of your kids' accomplishments is not at all the same as bragging. You should be proud and you should feel free to share that joy. Arun's accomplishments are yours as well since I'm sure he would not be doing many of those things if he did not have such a wonderful mom at home encouraging and helping him along. I love reading about the things he is doing so please don't stop sharing those achievements.

Chocolate Covered Susan said...

Watching Arun grow into such a smart and adorable little boy the past two years has been so much fun! I would be very hurt if you didn't share his accomplishments with me. When Aubrey does something for the first time, you and Mojavi are usually the first to hear (or second after my dear husband, of course). It's pretty easy to tell when a competemommy is just trying to one-up you all the time. I've NEVER had that experience with you!!

Mojavi said...

what.... did you not READ my post??? my kid can FART on DEMAND! And all anju can do is lay there!!! lol......... I sooooo win!

No in all seriousness... if you don't tell me the first time Arun dumps in the toilet I will be offended! lol

I am sorry they just keep coming..

love ya *wink*

elizasmom said...

Actually, I like when parents brag about their kids. Not just because it's sweet to read about that adoration, and not just because then I don't feel bad about doing it! I like it from a practical standpoint, too: My kid isn't currently in daycare, she is at home with us. Though we do playdates and the like, it's not a daily thing, and she's our first. Reading about what other kids her age are doing gives me a better fix on what I can expect and is a sanity check as to whether something she's doing is worth freaking out about or is just ho-hum normal for her age. So I guess I AM comparing, but I'm not doing it to be competitive, but to understand the mystery that is my 2 1/2-year-old, if that makes sense.

Diana said...

That's not a brag, that's a really cooooool share.

With that, I shall share that 'zoo' was Sara's first sight word, too. Great minds and all, yes? Doesn't it just make you giggle inside to think of him really reading soon?