October 3, 2005

Where is that bitch Cinderella when you really need her?

I had a lovely shower thrown for me by my friends on Saturday. TWO pieces of cheesecake later and a few cups of punch later, I managed to drive myself home without floating off into the sky. I am just not used to that much sugar consumption in one day. The whole thing was exacerbated by the fact that I went to my book club in the evening where cheescake was featured AGAIN. This is where it gets dicey. You see- when I say “cheesecake”, I am not talking any old cheesecake. I am talking AVERAGE JANE's cheesecake. Her homemade, entirely-by-scratch cheesecake is worth the price of admission alone to being her friend (dear reader - don’t be fooled by her good-natured blog, she really is a nasty sort. But she bakes! and cooks! and serves martinis!) Anyway, Sunday was a LONG day - all the junk food consumption from the day prior really took it’s toll on me. I am not a health nut, by any means, but I don’t normally eat so much sugar.

Freeloader Status: Not much is going on. He is still doing his Stretching Thing, instead of his Wiggling Thing or Kicking Thing. I can even discern where his foot is when he does this - that little foot is SO TINY which is simultaneously cool AND creepy all at once and brings home that fact that OH MY GOD, THERE IS A TEENY, TINY HUMAN IN THERE. Yesterday, I did notice that things are definitely happening. For the first time in 9 months, I am getting cramps - akin to menstrual ones which leaves me with this incredible urge to take some Ibuprofin. I am not in labor, but I have had a few painful contractions (a first, for me) - enough to give me the final push to finally pack my bag for the hospital, and to get the iPod and camara to charging. Um, speaking of the hospital. I received a voice mail from my doctor’s offce saying that my appointment scheduled for today needed to be moved because my doctor herself is IN THE HOSPITAL. Good gravy.

Critters in the Attic Redux: At first, I had convinced myself that that all the scurrying and scratching were just birds on the ROOF. You see, my bathroom is in this weird “tower-like” arrangement and there is a conical roof atop it, Because the pitch of the roof is so steep there, when birds are on the roof, it is quite loud. I was led to believe there were animals in the attic LAST YEAR, but thankfully, was WRONG. Unfortunately, this year, there are indeed, monsters in the attic. I have the Critter Control folks coming out today (their name actually IS Critter Control, which is why they are getting my business! LOVE the name.) I tried to see if I could get in the attic, but besides being 9 months pregnant, the attic is SCARY. X, being much, much smarter than I am, refuses to go up there. So, Pay Out the Nose we shall go. Yesterday afternoon, I was so freakin’ irritated by all the commotion that I turned on the attic fan and the silence was blissful. This morning, I awoke to no irritating sounds, either. As I let the cat outside this morning, I noticed things being flung to the ground. I quickly went outside and looked towards the roofline. I saw TWO little heads peering at me. Then another. THEN ANOTHER. It was as suspected. SQUIRRELS. The accountant in me quickly produced a potential tally for our Critter Control folks and was dismayed when I stopped at $400. I guess all I can do is hope that when the Critter Control folks trap a varmint or two, the rest of them will run away never to return - it costs $60 PER animal trapped (plus a base inspection fee). YIKES. I have turned the attic fan back on in the meantime. I have to admit that when I saw the little heads peering out at me, I laughed because it was so funny-looking. However, when I did the Potential Tally, I quickly sobered up.

This ain’t no fucking Disney movie.

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