January 13, 2005

How fresh is your underwear?

This morning, as I smoothed my damp locks into my old friend, Hair Band (hey, there was no time to blow-dry, after all -- it was a gym morning), I pondered an episode of Oprah where 4 daughters unleashed upon their mother, the Big O’s team of camera-wielding minions (imagine the tragedy of that for a minute). The Minions completely went through this poor lady’s home, filming her idiosyncrasies and bad habits of keeping razors (for a year), dish sponges (for months), and hamburger meat (for a decade). They even filmed her safety-pinned underwear - the horrors! It left me thinking “what would induce my family to parade me in front of North America like that?" My damn hair band, which has made more than its fair share of fashionable appearances over these past few years? (Did I really just use the plural form of year?? ) Or would it be my foul mouth that rears it ugly head after a minimal amount of alcohol or minor injury (I swear I do love a good curse word.). Or would it be my “I must be right and always correct and never wrong” attitude when it comes to any sort of disagreement or trivial sort of question? (In my defense, I AM usually right. Just ask X or my Canasta group. They know.)

Think long and hard about this, my friends. Banish all bad habits and for goodness sake – upgrade your underwear selection! Oprah’s tentacles travel far and wide – even those of you North of the border ARE NOT SAFE.

2 comments:

Rozanne said...

I have to admit that I have a few pairs of underwear that should have been put out to pasture months ago. I think we (I know I'm not the only one) keep them, so that we won't run out when we get behind on doing laundry (better to wear something tatty than dirty or end up having to go bronco). Still, it's a good wake-up call to know that any moment one's underwear could appear on national TV. Yikes.

Mortimer's mom said...

just got back from vacation, catching up on blog reading, had to chime in: I regularly chuck out less than fresh underwear. I find that after a certain number of cycles in the wash, cotton panties just aren't the same.... I just don't understand people who hang on to thiings for sooooo long. I mean, if you are broke, that's one thing, but that lady, that was just discusting.... Send the big O north of the border anyday!