Okay, I get that she's comin' around the mountain. But who is she? Why is she coming? Where'd she come from? Where'd she get the horse?

After Monday's dramatics, we're back to your regularly scheduled blather.

• Today I declared a Rancid Raves Snow Day. Since we usually go out every day, it was actually nice to stay in for once. I even ordered pizza from Papa John's - Veggie Lover's with Pepperoni thrown in for a touch of gastric irony. YUM.
  
• What sound does an elephant make? I know they "trumpet" but how the fuck do you imitate that? Does a zebra "whinny", "snort" or "neigh"? What sound does a bunny make? I've heard one squeal but that was probably because a bullsnake was wrapped around its hutch. I think even I squealed when my friend's mom hacked the snake with a hoe.
  
• Speaking of bunnies, that Pat is one crazy fool. And Dad's sandpaper "beard" is just creepy. Why is that book a classic?
  
• Why do these baby board book people think that an "oryx" makes for a great example of a desert animal? How about a scorpion? Let's be sensible, folks.
  
• Body Parts Countdown: Nose, Ears, Mouth, Hair, Tummy, Bellybutton, Knee, Foot, Toes. We're working on Tongue and Hand tomorrow. Did you know that a simple bellybutton provides an endless source of admiration, adulation and amusement for a toddler?
  
• Is anyone else bothered by the cloudy water in Dorothy's fishbowl in Elmo's World? How does that fish even BREATHE? I think PETA needs to be keeping on top of this sort of shit and leave those poor supermodels alone.
  
• Arun is so close to opening doors it makes my head spin. He's got the "twisting" part down to a science, but is still just short enough that he can't twist, fully reach AND step backward all in one motion. Thank GOD. However, that twisting skill is a pain in the ass because he can unscrew caps off of bottles. Don't ask how I know that.
  
• Ring Around the Rosy makes me awfully fucking dizzy.
  
• I had to pluck a few eyelashes today. Is that weird? My eyelashes are insane - I have to curl them everyday, sometimes even twice a day. Then a few will get out of control and get tangled with my lower lashes which drives me crazy. They refused to be tamed by the eyelash curler which means I have to resort to plucking them. I've always had this problem - when I was a baby, someone asked my mom if they were real. Sure, it was the 70s, but come on. While we're on the topic of eye fringe, I'm getting desperate for some Max Factor 2000 Calorie mascara - I can't find it anywhere. I'm using L'Oreal's Voluminous and that stuff just isn't cutting it.
  
• Poor Arun. The kid had no fighting chance with the eyebrow genes. I'm sporting anorexic caterpillars on my forehead and his daddy has obese ones. Arun was born with baby ones. I noticed they were looking a little crazier than usual and upon closer inspection saw that he must have gotten smashed bits of bananas in them and they had hardened. Because he's classy like that.
  
• Yeah, we're definitely getting out the house tomorrow.
  
  

He had a good day and got to spend it in his pajamas.

He's been walking up and down stairs holding our hand for awhile now. But using this side table? He just discovered it.

You know what's coming next, don't you?