June 9, 2005

What is my problem?

I have been in a funk all week long! I certainly hope this weekend shakes me out of it. It is frustrating – I feel fine physically and actually, everything is going GREAT. Logically, I know this for a fact. There really isn’t much I could ask for right now other than a healthy kid and a new couch. In fact, I realized a life-long dream just a mere 3 weeks ago and ever since, I have had this cloud of impending doom hanging over me. Is it because in the back of my mind, all along I was working towards a goal and now that I am there, I am out of sorts? What do I strive for next? I realized today at lunch with a slight start that I have actually reached what I had always dreamed of as a little girl. Despite this, I can’t shake the feeling that with everything going more perfectly than I could have ever imagined means that now something must go wrong. How pessimistic is THAT? Maybe I read too many Judith Krantz novels as a kid (Note to self: Remember to closely MONITOR the little Freeloader's reading materials). Good Lord.

So every night this week, I have been going home like a zombie and attempting to shake myself out of this gloom because it is SILLY. I hate feeling like an ingrate!

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