The headache has been really, really bad today. The sort that makes me nauseous. You'd think that I would be in bed, but really that makes it worse because then I sit and dwell on it. I've always been the type that if possible, I'd rather hobble around and do things. I think that's why morning sickness supremely kicked my ass because you can't really hobble if you think you're going to imminently puke. Fortunately, with a headache, typing and being on the Internet help distract. Playing with Arun helps take my mind off of it, too. Going to the doctor and hearing a healthy NewKid heartbeat? Definitely makes it better. MUCH better. Oddly and sadly, reading, knitting and watching TV make it worse. I am really behind on my reading now and at this point, the DVR Death Knell is sounding for Studio 60 and potentially Brothers and Sisters. The recent addition of returning favorites such as Antiques Roadshow, 24, and Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations have my DVR crying like a baby these days.
Speaking of knitting, my pregnancy induced carpal tunnel is rearing its ugly head AGAIN. It helps to have 2 different projects and to just switch back and forth, so that may help this go around. The carpal tunnel crapola SUCKS, though. It's getting to where I can't hold a coffee cup or a phone for too long before my hand goes numb. Of course, it's totally worth it and it helps to keep your eye on the prize.
Anyway, AWESOME comments yesterday! Not to belabor the point, but aw FUCK, who I am kidding?? I’m gonna belabor away here......
Also, I do try to account for the fact that most white people did not grow up with an Indian in their family like I did - my grandpa married my Indian step-grandmother before I was even born, she's the same age as my aunt, so she is like an aunt to me. India has always been in my vernacular. So, I DO try to keep that in mind, that I take it for granted. However, it's hard to keep that attitude when people don't even "try" right back.
Okay new topic, since I am crabbish anyway. Oprah is killing me. Monday she had her whole Debt Diet special again (Hint for the general public - SPEND LESS. Seriously. Most of the people I know claiming Financial Fouls are not actually "hard up"). Then, yesterday she had the whole “working moms” vs “stay at home moms”. Sigh. The same old horse trotted out for beating AGAIN. Nothing new just the Same Old Same Old with moms going at it, hell bent on brow beating each into submission that THEIR way is THE way. Whatever. I stay home because I enjoy it and I am not going to pretend otherwise. This time is temporary and I don’t want to miss it. As one working mom pointed out, ”Anyone can read a book to my child”. Maybe so, but I want to be that person reading the book. Another former SAHM Turned Working Mom complained that she had “lost herself” when she stayed home. Um, that can happen regardless if you stay at home or not - I totally lost myself in a job once and found myself a year later digging furiously to discover something remotely interesting about myself that didn’t involve that job.
Anyway, the end goal of my staying home is not for my children to think idyllically of fresh baked cookies and my loving gaze in soft focus as we read Brown Bear, Brown Bear for 40 zillionth time. Rather, I just want my children to remember a childhood that was safe, secure and spent with parents that weren’t harried and actually enjoyed being married to each other. And that can be achieved regardless if you choose to stay home or not. However, for X and I, that is most easily accomplished by my staying home. Our life is easier because I don’t “work”. Damned straight, it helps that I have a husband who gratefully acknowledges that what I do adds value to our lives. So, as much as I adore Arun, I can’t really claim some great sacrifice for him. I’m doing this for our family.
Also, I think "having it all" is a total misnomer and does nothing but create unrealistic expectations that are stressful for most women to meet. Something has to give. Either time with your children, or time with your career. I axed my career, and I am okay with that. But working mothers need to acknowledge that if you are getting home at 8pm, you are giving up time with your children. It's not a judgement, it's just a fact - like the fact that my career is totally dead in the water right now - a fact that gives me no pleasure whatsoever in admitting. Probably the closest to "having it all" is an awesome, decent-paying, working part-time position which are so fucking hard to find, it makes my head spin.
So, instead of moms pounding on each other , maybe we should start pounding on the corporations that have become so family unfuckingfriendly that we HAVE to choose and then we feel compelled to beat on each other in order to justify what was really a difficult, heart-wrenching decision in the first place.
How about that?