November 8, 2005

Why is the Baby crying? Why is the Baby NOT crying?

My life is now a 24/7 Poker Game comprised of the above variations. If the kid is squawking, it means he is hungry, uncomfortable or bored. However, if the kid is NOT squawking it surely means he is not BREATHING and must be checked upon IMMEDIATELY. Either way, every hand dealt to me is a crappy one so I might as well just fold and hand over all my chips.

Luckily, if the kid IS squalling, these situations are easily remedied, although often, it means holding him. I have become very adept at doing many things around the house with one hand and have discovered that a glass of soymilk with a Kashi granola bar do indeed, constitute an acceptable meal.

Overall, the crying thing is interesting - it is certainly a form of communication with nuances all its own and is a situation where I am the Student and the kid is the Teacher. I am getting better at picking up the meaning of different cries which range from “I am HUNGRY and Your Nipples are MINE, Bitch” to “I am Seriously Freaking Out Here, Pick Me Up NOW” to “I Am Just An Attention Whore -- Sucka!”

Is this where I admit that there is nothing sweeter than a baby snuggling into your chest, calm and happy simply because YOU picked him up?

Nah, better not or you guys will think I am going soft.

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