June 25, 2007

If there's an exception to every rule, is there
an exception to that rule as well?

Breaking News!
NO, I am not having that baby yet. It's even better!! A new James Lileks book, Gastroanomalies: Questionable Culinary Creations from the Golden Age of American Cookery, will be coming out this fall. I am SO exited by this new development. The only really sucky thing is that it doesn't come out until NOVEMBER and to pre-order now is just taunting me. I was extremely grateful that he released Mommy Knows Worst shortly after my 1st child was born (i.e. JUST when I needed such a book), but Lileks just burnt all his goodwill with this one. Because I'm sure he had a say in the publish date, right?


It's official - The Cerebral Venus Online Book Club will be discussing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on Monday, August 6th. The post itself will be spoiler-free, but the comments will be ROTTEN. Yee haw!

So, Goofy Girl and I have been discussing the whole "visiting a new mother in the hospital" thing. We were both of the opinion that a new mother would rather be left alone in the hospital. My sister, on the other hand, actually wanted visitors. The question is - why aren't people asking the new mother if she wants visitors? There seems to be some sort of decorum where folks think they must visit and the mother thinks she can't say no. I wonder if it extends from the "olden" days when a mother was in the hospital for an extended period of time - visitors would have made more sense. However, with Arun, he was born on a Sunday evening and we were home by late Tuesday afternoon. This left Monday as pretty much the only day for visiting. Don't get me wrong - I've been incredibly touched by all the folks promising to visit me in the hospital with Anjali, but honestly? I would be completely exhausted if everyone who said they were going to come by actually came by. The scary thing is that all these years, I've assumed new mothers didn't want visitors - I tended to wait until the mother got home. Now, I am left wondering how many friends I have offended over the years by not visiting them in the hospital. Yikes! Am I over-thinking this??

Snappity Snap, Snap.

Arun Bob
Official Redneck Nickname, courtesy of my dad.
Official Baby Belly, courtesy of YoYo Baby Yogurt.
Official Farmer's Tan, courtesy of X.

Gemstone Eyes


Anonymous said...

I totally wanted visitors in the hospital. but I don't know why. i think I was bored. Once I was home though I unplugged the phone. So there you have it.

alyndabear said...

Those eyes!

Kid's going to be a heartbreaker.

(Do you realise practically every post I write to you mentions Arun's beautiful peepers?)

I'm practically hyperventilating over HP.. you have no idea..

Christy said...

I wouldn't want visitors either, but I don't really have to worry because my nearest family member lives 10 hours away. Lucky me!

Those eyes are beautiful!

Diana said...

I'm with you. I really didn't want visitors in the hospital and at home, I only wanted them with warning. Dropping in on someone with a new baby? Just rude in my opinion.

(I'm thrilled that HP is the next book club selection as I don't know how I'd read another book with the whole reading #7 2-3 times and then going through the whole series again.)

meno said...

I didn't want visitors either, and i told people. So the 3 women that came to visit me anyway were told i was sleeping.

I just wanted to be left alone and figure out this new life and family for a while.

lorib said...

I really appreciated the visitors I had at the hospital, as they were my closest friends and I really wanted them to meet Lil D, but I agree that they should ask first, both at the hospital or before coming by the house. The key to visiting new moms is to keep the visit brief and when visiting them at home, bring food! Due to my small town upbringing, I cannot show up to visit new parents without a casserole in hand. I also think it is most important to check in with new moms a couple weeks after the baby is born, when the sleep deprivation and depression can set in and they may really need some adult contact.

Anonymous said...

What else do you have to do while you're lying around in the hospital besides accept visits and gifts from people who are actually close enough to you to WANT to come visit you and the new member of your family? They go out of their way to visit while you go out of your way to be selfish and turn them away? Nice. Besides, it gets boring very fast lying there doing nothing. You have nurses waiting on you hand and foot and it will probably be the last chance you'll get for a long time to actually hold up your end of an adult conversation. Once you're home with the baby, it's you and the baby. No nurses, no lying around. It's not like you have anything better to do besides visit and show off the new baby.

flybunny said...

With the first 2 kiddos, I had numerous visitors and with this one I only had 3 and really it didn't bother me either way as long as I had some warning because I am a full on let it all hang out nurser, I appreciated some warning so I could plan feedings around visits.

As for me visiting, I always call first and always always show up to the hospital with a bottle of the new Mom's favorite wine and a box of cookies from Blue Chip - so if you want me to visit, let me know :).

Can't wait to read HP and actually participate in this book club.

Mrs. CPA said...

I liked having (announced) visitors. However, a bunch of people came over not an hour after Mr. Cheeks was born, one with a 6 month old in tow, who was pissed and hungry. The hospital had taken the baby to the nursery because they were short staffed, and everyone followed me around wanting to see the baby. Who was not there. Then when we finally moved to a new room, they followed us there and when he showed up and we were seeing each other for the first time in over two hours, this other kid was screaming bloody murder, there were too many people in the room, and I was just getting pissed. Anyway the moral of the story is, don't have jackasses come and visit you (like anonymous up there). Only invite nice calm people who won't bring their screaming children to to 3 hour post baby hospital room. Tell them to send a casserole and be done with it.

Goofy Girl said...

Seems like the consensus is...

- regardless of where you are visiting, ASK first (and respect the answer)
- make it short and sweet
- bring food

Sounds like a good strategy for just about any visit...

Modern Day Hermit said...

Unless someone were my really close friend or a relative, I'd also assume no visitors. I don't know about anyone else, but I was friggin' tired after having my kid and don't want to feel obligated to entertain. Not to mention...the doors on my bathroom were sliding doors that were opaque glass...no thanks, lol.

I had my lovely MIL come while a friend of mine was in the room and start asking if I had farted yet...nice. [true story]

Anyway, Arun is so adorable! His little toes, his beautiful eyes and his dark hair. He's too much for me!

Tara said...

I thought I didn't want any visitors at the hospital and told everyone exactly that but when no one showed up I realized that I was lonely. I was so bored stuck in that hospital room with just my husband, I would have welcomed a few visitors.

Dooney said...

Yes, let me tell you how much of a vacation it is to have a baby and be "waited on hand and foot by the nurses". But the best part is when you're bleeding all over the place and people come in to punch your uterus around or poke you with more needles - I know my guests sure loved seeing all that and how comfortable they felt vs. visiting me in my nice, quiet home. Whatever.

I was in labor for about 24 hours and during that time my husband's uncle showed up unannounced. I was so relieved when he left. It's already a struggle to have a conversation with contractions much less to tell a family member to hit the road. After he left I told my husband to let people know that we'd call them when we were ready for visitors. I ended up with a c-section and was in no shape for visitors that day, or even the next. It was a much more pleasant experience to have visitors in our home where everyone could be comfortable.

Besides, after going through surgery and taking painkillers, I honestly don't remember people visiting me in the hospital but I definitely remember them visiting me at home.

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

Cagey, if you had told me that all I had to do to be fed bonbons and get massages from hot male nurses I would have painfully passed a football shaped object through a major bodily orifice like ten years ago. What's what with all you fucking mommybloggers keeping the spa post-natal programs on the downlow for??

Anjali said...

Oh, my, what a gorgeous son you have...

I tend to leave the hospital too soon after the birth -- most people don't even know I've had the baby yet, so they don't know to visit!

Average Jane said...

I always feel awkward visiting non family members in the hospital with their new kiddoes. I figure everyone will be happier on their home turf after everything's settled down.

That said, I'm putting a baby gift in the mail for you tomorrow or the next day and then I'll sit back and wait to fulfill my noble destiny as Official Notifier of Anjali's Arrival.

callistawolf said...

anonymous=idiot. Nuff said.

I loved having visitors in the hospital. I liked them at home too, but maybe more in the hospital. I don't know, it felt more "special" to me somehow. But then, I liked being in the hospital and would stay as long as they'd let me most times so we all know that I'm a little off my nut. ;)

metalia said...

I liked having company when I had the baby...it made me feel a little less overwhelmed. :)

Also? Arun's eyes are GORGEOUS.

Feel good!

Amalah said...


So geeked about that book too.

Also about naked baby bellies.

aibee said...

So am I the only one thinking that toddlers look a lot like middle aged men?