This post is not about you. Well, THIS part of the post is about you, but really, this post is not about you.
Your favorite daughter (only because J doesn't read this!),
P.S. You better visit me in the hospital!
Oh baby girl, we are so very excited to meet you. In fact, we've consulted our calendars and it appears that this Saturday would really work out best for us. If you could arrange your schedule accordingly, it would be most appreciated.
Remember all those kicks and head butts you've been delivering to your baby sister all these months? The gig is up and I have to warn you that revenge is a dish best served cold. A revolution is coming, my little friend.
Dear Vanessa, Pearson and Harry,
After all your patience with the addition of one kid, I regret to inform you that another one will be arriving shortly. I hope you find it in your fuzzy little hearts to forgive us someday.
Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps Steve might be a little slow?
Dear Drunken Northside Neighbor,
What sort of Heartless Whore doesn't return a little boy's ball when it happens to bounce over the fence into her yard? Oh right, that Heartless Whore would be you.
The Southside Neighbor Who Hates You
Dear Producers of Big Love,
Since you've already brought on board half the cast of Veronica Mars, why don't you just go ahead and bring on the lovely Miss Mars herself? I bet she can figure out why the hell ALL the women in Juniper Creek are wearing that ONE freaky assed hairstyle.
Dear Pregnancy Hormones,
Make a choice. Oily face OR itchy elbows. BOTH are not options. While you're at it, tell that renegade cousin of your Post-Natal Hormones to not bother showing up, his services won't be needed.
Cranky Pregnant Bitch
Dear Cashier at Kinko's,
When you asked what sort of baby I was having and I replied "A girl" and you said "Oh, I bet you are grateful" as you clucked towards my SON, I bet you didn't realize how much I wanted to smack you. Get a fucking clue.
Cranky Pregnant Bitch
My Dearest X,
Your son puts his shoes back in the shoe basket, throws his trash away, grabs a napkin when he spills his water, closes cabinet doors, and in general, likes things to be in place. He's only 20 months old.
The Love of Your Life