February 3, 2007

How bad am I?

Pet Owner of the Year
I am pretty picky - maybe even anal retentive - when it comes to certain things. An example would be opening bags and boxes, etc. I hate it when X just rips into things. I have a handy-dandy pair of Pampered Chef kitchen shears hanging by our stove just for the purpose of cutting bags and such. Neatly. Nicely. It makes it much simpler to close them up later. X? Totally doesn't get this and thwarts my efforts at every turn. So, as usual, he rips open his bag of cashews. Then leaves them in his suitcase. Which Arun discovers. I turn around and cashews are strewn all over the floor. However, our cat Pearson does this "cashew strewing trick" as well. I realize I can scoop the kid up and leave the house, thus pretending I didn't see the mess, hoping that X will see the mess and furtively clean it up so I don't discover he left an open bag of nuts for Pearson to dig into. It worked! The beauty is that neither X nor the cat is the wiser of my nefarious plot of deception.

Daughter of the Year
My mom watched Arun last night. When we went to pick him up, she told me she couldn't find the wipes and used moist towelettes instead. The kind you use after consuming a meal of barbecue or seafood. The kind with alcohol in them and a fresh lemon scent. The kind that probably shouldn't touch a baby's ass. After mercilessly giving her crap about it, I told her "You know this is going on my blog, right?"

Wife of the Year
So, Handbag Negotiations are completed. I will be getting a new purse after throwing in my Birthday and Valentine's Day in the ring. I purposely withheld Mother's Day knowing that I will see the Hangbag of my Dreams that throws me overbudget. However, I can now triumphantly whip out Mother's Day from my sleeves.

Mother of the Year
As Arun and I were tooling around in the car today, I was going through various animal sounds. After I asked Arun what sound a dog makes, I came upon a yellow light just as I needed to make that split second decision of Slam It or Gun It. Now, my son thinks a dog goes "Oh, fuck.

11 comments:

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

You always have these one liners that send me into gales of true "laugh out loud" giggles.

That last one about the dog did it this time.

meno said...

Excellent on the cashew move.

I have the ability to feign sleep when the cat pukes. It has come in handy many times.

Modern Day Hermit said...

hahahahahaha, OMG, you crack me up! I love it!

Leah said...

I really hope her first word isn't "fuck." I feel your pain.

Mamma Sarah said...

You totally have a way of making me smile everytime I read your blog. Thanks for the laugh. Hope that Arun knows that dogs go "woof" and not "oh fuck".

TreyJ said...

Sarah pointed your blog out to us, so I had to come check it out. That's hilarious about the dog line. Hope Arun doesn't pick up on it.

Christie said...

lmao

Diana said...

Won't his teacher be surprised when it's time to sing "Old McDonald"?

Charles does that 'rip it open and let it spill' trick. He doesn't clean it up when faced with the mess, though, even days later. Clearly X is more highly evolved.

Cagey said...

diana,
Totally laughing because when you said charles does that "rip it open and let it spill" trick, I thought you meant CURSING.

Oh, fuck.

Lisa said...

Oh my gosh, I do the same thing with gift-giving holidays! heehee.

Goofy Girl said...

Still chuckling about the "fuck it" dog and the HANGbag of your Dreams. Freudian slip, anyone? :-)