October 9, 2006

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

Dear Mommy Who Cut in Line at Rhyme Time This Morning,

It seems you think that your Precious Progeny will end up in juvie unless he experiences a Perfect Childhood Moment such as Rhyme Time at our local library. While the jury is out on that, I can report that he will probably end up in juvie ANYWAY because of YOUR piss poor attitude.

LYLAS (Not),

Dear Bitchy Dry Cleaning Lady (Morning Shift),

That’s it. You’ve snarked on my husband for the last time. When I commented that I had spaced bringing the clothes over the weekend and then you remarked that after all, they were HIS clothes, THAT was the last straw. My husband works his ass off 7 days a week - I force him to take holidays. We don’t need your shitty attitude and apparently, you sure as hell don’t need our business. Sadly, I will miss the Afternoon Shift lady because she was awesome.

Not Pressed

Dear Comcast No Speed Internet,

Starting off my Monday with no access to the Blue Nowhere pisses me off. I’ve had boyfriends more reliable than you. This is not a compliment.

Yours truly,


Yes, we made it into Rhyme Time, but there were others waiting before that gal who did not make the cutoff limit. What gets me is that there is a 11:00 am session RIGHT AFTER the 10:15 am one. And the dry cleaning lady? GRRRR.... Sure, I can gripe about my husband, but Random People CANNOT. And the thing that pisses me off the most is that I never complain about bringing the dry cleaning! I don’t know where she gets her attitude from. Sooo.... now that those Rancid Rants are outta my Pants.............

So, Kiddies, the word for today is BACKWARDS. Arun has been navigating the stairs for quite some time now (Rancid Child Safety Tip: Put your gate at the bottom of the stairs on the 3rd or 4th step, then your baby can learn how to safely go up and down.) He’s recently discovered that he can parlay this skill into just about anything now - whenever he comes to anything that has the slightest hint of Height or Slope, he works himself into a backwards position and down he goes - be it couch, bed, slide or hill. I think the best is when he works himself down the slide. You think of a slide as FUN, right? WHEE! and all that, right? Watching an 11 month old seriously work his body around to navigate to just the right position for Launch is entertainment indeed. Yeah, he giggles as he actually descends, but Assuming the Appropriate Sliding Position is WORK, folks.

So, X is in California right now. He comes back tomorrow morning and turns right around to leave for India in the afternoon. He will only be gone for a week. He’s missing the Halloween party, but will make the actual date for Arun’s birthday. I am usually okay with X traveling, but am a little anxious about this international travel. Also, I am very spoiled, X and I talk on the phone throughout the day, regardless of where he is - Telephonically Speaking, we are a Velcro Couple. So, even though he will have his Sprint phone with him while he is in India, the conversations will be limited because it will be too damned expensive to report on every little thing going on.

Before I had a kid, I use to refer to X’s travels as Husband Vacations. Now that we have a kid, it’s a different ballgame and it’s not because it’s more work. In truth, it’s maybe a little less work because Arun goes down in his crib in the evenings a lot more smoothly when X is gone. I also don’t have to worry about meals and such (as evidenced by the recently stocked freezer of Boca and Morning Star meals - my guilty pleasure has always been Frozen Food, not Fast Food). I’ve got the DVR at MY Whim’s Mercy - no compromises necessary. I can even burn incense day and night (X HATES incense. Isn’t that against the Law of the Land of Curry or something? Don’t they take away your bindi or loongi or something if you are an Indian and don’t like incense? WTF?) Anyway, I am going to really miss X - a few minutes conversation here and there isn’t going to cut it.

Speaking of TV, I am tired of Network Television breakin’ my heart. I am ever so weary of investing my heart and soul and most importantly, Precious DVR Space on a show then watching it get CANCELED a mere 3 episodes into the season. HUH? WTF? Smith got canceled? DAMN IT.

Finally...........Rancid Home Improvement Tip: Got a worn out screw hole? (I just sniggered, did you?) Anyway, I was fixing our screen door because the screws had come out of the doorframe and the holes are slightly stripped. I was going to just buy the next size up of screw, but the helpful guy at Lowe’s suggested using a small bit of TOOTHPICK for each hole. I’ll be damned if it didn’t work!

Swingin’ Single





Leah said...

Worn out screw hole!!! It's my new favorite insult!

And I hate incense, but I'm Norwegian. I think that might be, like, the most un-Indian possible.

Modern Day Hermit said...

Doesn't like incense? Another stereotype blown out of the water, that's certainly no fun, haha. ;)

My guy, he can go down the stairs, but he takes the couch headfirst. Naturally, I don't like this situation. I need to flip him around more instead of grabbing his leg on his way down which only encourages possible neck breaking behavior. *sigh*

Smart and good loookin', he's going to break some hearts, if he isn't already.

EEK! said...

You said LYLAS!

Heart-hands to that.

Blondie said...

It sounds like you were having the same kind of day I was having. Which means I loved reading your post today!

PS: I go down the stairs backwards, too. :)

Cheryl said...

Sorry you had such a rotten Monday. People who think they can insult your loved ones just because you do suck donkey balls.

On the other hand, people who think your son is one of the cutest things around (like me) are unbelievably cool.

Cagey said...

The thing about the dry cleaning lady is that I wasn't even griping about him! She acts like he is some ogre or something and I am his little wifey. She had this same attitude LAST year when I was pregnant.

Modern Day Hermit said...

I've been thinking about the whole husband bashing thing [yes, this long] and I find it so irritating! What makes people think they have that right to just chime in with comments such as those. Good grief.

Maybe she needs to wear out her screw hole a time or two.

scribbit said...

You ought to have a card printed up that says, "I'm going to cuss you out on my blog" above your address so you can just hand the card to people who are rude just before you walk away. :)

Wordnerd said...

I had all sorts of brilliant comments at the ready -- then I read "worn out screw hole." And I'm done. That's it. I got nothin'.

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

I don't understand what the dry cleaning chick was trying to say to you. That you shouldn't be bringing in his clothes because they're his??? That seems more like a slam on you, even.

I don't expect customer service industry people to kiss my ass but I do expect a minimum level of politeness. Which includes not commenting on my personal life and how I choose to run it.