As much negative press Mondays seem to receive, you'd think that once in awhile folks would realize that a Monday can also constitute a Fresh Start, of sorts. At least that's the way I am going to approach this particular Monday as I attempt to dig myself out of the rabbit hole into which I seem to have fallen.
By the end of last week, I was feeling quite the Negative Nellie. In a nutshell, the Sickness and the No Sleep were simply the last two pieces yanked from my personal game of Life Jenga that caused the whole damned tower to crumble. Over the past month or so, a few pieces labeled "family" have been unceremoniously jerked out as well. Believe it or not, I try not to post too much about "family" any longer since I am increasingly sacrificing my semi-anonymity, but some events have occurred over the past month that have made it increasingly difficult to bear. Frankly, my Bitter Meter is set to an all-time high. I can't go into details, but basically, I am tired of it. And the game is switched up because I am a parent now. One of these days, my own children are going to observe my reactions to all of this high drama. Oh sure, sometimes, I handle things appropriately - last Christmas when I griped about my family's comments regarding our parenting skillz, I didn't mind posting that because I didn't write much that hadn't been said in the open to their faces. However, with that particular side of the family, I can totally call their comments on the carpet for what they are - delivered in a vein of humor, of course - but, the message still gets across. My children will certainly learn a wry, sarcastic sense of humor there, but at least from that side, they won't think that you have to stuff your emotions, spear your turkey with your fork and tersely act like everything is fine....just fine.... and THEN, go home and bitterly complain about the others over the next week or so. I am tired of being a Bitter Betty and it worries me that my children will learn that from me because guess what? That sort of passive aggressive behavior translates itself into other walks of life – school, work, friends. I want my children to be the sort that stick up for themselves. And I guess that means I have to look closely at my own behavior. What example am I setting? Currently, not a positive one.
So. Yesterday, I took some positive action. A small step that said "I fold. I'm not playing this game right now." How long will it last? To what extent will I push all this? Is it even worth rocking the Good Ship Lollipop knowing that whatever I do won't change things in the big picture? I don't have the answers, but I need to think about this carefully. Fortunately, I still have time to work out the details. They always say you want more for your children. That you want better. And dammit - they're right. I don't want my own children to see this. I don't want them to be in their 30s, typing away on their blogs about how prior generations failed them.
Jeepers.......I was sliding down the rabbit hole again…….. The weekend went okay. I can see some light and having X come home bearing kifli cookies and walnut bread from a lovely little Hungarian dive we like to eat at in
Don't you think?