April 29, 2007

What's in my pants?

A few Rancid Rants. It's been awhile.......

Sugar Mama
Clarification - I am being tested for gestational diabetes Monday morning. In truth, my blood sugar merely tested high enough to warrant further testing, but it's not clear yet whether I actually have gestational diabetes. Lest I be accused of being a drama queen, I thought I should mention that - you know?

Love and Logic - It Ain't Just for Kids Anymore.
Over the weekend, I dumped some uncooked rice into Arun's sand and water table for him to play with. So, Arun was playing with the rice outside while X worked on his laptop nearby. As Arun was gleefully showering rice on X, I kept telling X to not allow Arun to do it. However, I didn't make a big deal of it because it's hard enough to discipline a toddler, why start a fight with your spouse over it -- right? However, imagine my unabashed delight when later I spied X desperately trying to pry bits o' rice out of his keyboard. Squee!!

Rice, Rice Baby
Speaking of throwing rice, when Arun is done with his little "experiments", his hair is chock FULL of rice. Which is quite disgusting because the grains look like LICE, not rice. Specifically, obese lice that could use a good stint in Fat Camp. Bleh.

Shuffle Kerfluffle
Apparently, you can wash an iPod Shuffle in the WASHER, then run it through a hot cycle in the DRYER and it will be fine, just fine. Not that my husband left a Shuffle in his running shorts this weekend. He would never do something like THAT.

Blue, Get a Clue!
Quite frankly, Joe is just too hot for the job to even be believable. TOO HOT. When Steve furrows his eyebrows at the camera, you believe him. Joe? Too hot. I can see Joe totally getting snockered at the hottest clubs in LA, trying to play up his "gig on TV" as an actual "paid actor" while trying to score himself a nice piece of tail. Frankly, when Steve does the cabbage patch dance move in the closing song it's sweet. When Joe does the cabbage patch , it's just wrong.

If He Screams, I WILL Scream.
I despise our ice cream truck dude with his stupid clanging bell as he slowly snakes through our neighborhood during nap time. I want to grab the little fucker by his mullet, yank him through the window of his Creepy Paneled Van and just pummel the shit out of him.

I May Just Be a SAHM, But My Husband is a WAHD.
And we're running both of our little empires from our living room couch. Awesome.

Cut me some slack, at least I bought the T-Shirt


Leah said...

Why can't they make wallets and cell phones out of the same material as they make the ipod shuffle then? Not that my husband would ever leave his wallet and cell phone in his pockets and them blame me for washing them.

Christy said...

You are hilarious. I totally understand your hatred for the ice cream man. I too often want to hurl rocks at his truck. Bastard.

Jenny said...

Dude, my husband washed and dried his Ipod shuffle in his gym shorts pocket, and it was NOT ok. It was dead. He has also ruined, so far, 3 pairs of little plug-style headphones. Note, I am not the one doing his laundry, because he doesn't like the way I do it. Go figure.

Modern Day Hermit said...

Ha! I'm always finding stuff the wash that my husband left in his pants, of course he reminds me I need to check his pockets before washing - as if.

Those ice cream trucks always seem to be driven by old men. We don't have one in our neighborhood but Alex's babysitter does and I wouldn't buy dog food from that ratty looking van. He gives me the creeps.

Mamma Sarah said...

Your post cracked me up. I can't believe that the IPod made it through the wash AND dryer. That's awesome! BTW-Tag you're it, check out my blog for details!

Anna said...

What kind of detergent do you use? It must be phosphate-free?

My husband dropped his ipod nano right in his cup of coffee two days after he bought it (the nano, not the coffee). The ipod survived after an overnight drying out, but the battery has never lasted as long as it should and you can see a slight coffee stain inside the screen. The lesson? If you're going to do things like that, it's better to take your coffee black, no sugar.

I hope you get some mileage out of this, I know I have: "do you want some ipod in your coffee?", "is it sweet enough, or does it need an ipod?", etc.

aibee said...

Ha ha ha ha!

You crack me up. :D

Summer said...

One of my friends did that last week with the rice, but she dyed the rice in assorted colors first them mixed it all together in a big bin. Her kids and mine had a blast!