March 13, 2006

I wasn't exaggerating, was I?

GOD, I am a righteous asshole. Just as I always suspected.

The visit with Leavenworth Grandma went absolutely FINE and to top off my sheepish feelings, she gave me her lovely, AUTOGRAPHED copy of a book of DeGrazia prints for my birthday. Gulp. DeGrazia is a southwestern artist who we both love (I am not a big fan of the southwestern motif, but I do like this guy and have visited his gallery near Tucson - with my grandma.) Furthermore, even though Arun didn’t get in a proper nap because of the schedule change, he did get in some catnaps and wasn’t too fussy. It was such a delightful visit that it slapped all the snark right out of me.

Oh, who the fuck am I kidding?

Here’s a pic of one small corner of Leavenworth Grandma’s house. Imagine, oh say, about FIFTEEN such corners. Include about TWENTY such crannies and throw in a few nooks and only THEN have you successfully conjured up the vision of the southwest horror that is Leavenworth Grandma’s house. Yep, she likes her some prickly pears, buffalos, chili peppers, and howling coyotes. A fuckin' LOT. Kokopelli is indeed the god of fertility because that dude has reproduced about 100 times over in her house. I think the worst moment came when Arun was fascinated with her cow hide pillows and of course, as all babies are wont to do, proceeded to try and STICK IT IN HIS MOUTH. Ew. Anyway, we made it out of there with nary a trace of Mad Cow or even a migraine, so overall not too shabby.

Okay, speaking of snark - I get to totally bag on someone not related to me for a change. Leavenworth Grandma is BFF with Famous Actor’s* mother (I am not hip on actually naming the guy because frankly, I don't want the Google Juice.) As I am leaving her house today, I notice there is a 10x14 picture of this Famous Actor’s mother framed and hanging up in a place of honor. So, not only did this woman send a huge photo of herself to my grandma, my grandma then proceeded to FRAME it. Does that strike anyone as weird? The best part is that every time grandma mentions this woman, it always comes out as “I had lunch with my friend, M.C. You know, she’s Famous Actor’s mother” or “I went shopping with my friend, M.C. You know, she’s Famous Actor’s mother”. The very best part is that when she had first met this woman, she didn't even know who Famous Actor was until my mother pointed out that the guy was not only an Actor, but was also an Oscar-winning one - which raised his value substantially in my grandma's eyes.

Anyway.......... in a double bout with familial bliss, Olathe Grandma was waiting on my doorstep when I pulled into the driveway. That visit was fairly unstressful except that I had to tell Olathe Grandma to never, EVER tell my mother that “Arun doesn’t like her” again. Backstory: On Friday, X and I went to dinner in Lawrence and dropped Arun off at my mother’s. It had already been a difficult day for him - he hadn’t had a proper nap and was fighting a cold. We probably shouldn’t have taken him, but we were hoping the nice long car ride would put him to sleep. Even though he did get a nap in on the way to Lawrence, he was still a little pill for my mom. The next day, I mention to Olathe Grandma that Arun had been fussy at my mother’s. Later, when Olathe Grandma was talking to my mom, she made the offending comment. Um, my mother was already reduced to tears on Friday because Arun was "crying while on HER watch" - can you imagine how upset she was that my Olathe Grandma inferred that Arun just plain didn’t like her? Do you understand NOW the bullshit I have to deal with here? Of course, Olathe Grandma, said she was just teasing but GOOD GOD, I have to pay out the fucking nose now for that comment. My mother will hold fast to that comment for at least a week or two while I try to convince her in vain that I did not make any such remarks to Olathe Grandma as to Arun’s affection for her.

Ridiculous Snaps

This picture is deceptive because what it is actually illustrating is NOT how my sweet boy loves to play with his tasty feet, but rather how fucking stupid his mother is. Folks, I am drunk on Gymboree and there is no 12 Step program to be found. Rest assured that I will be taking picture after picture after picture of him in this outfit to gain the maximum mileage possible AND that he will be wearing said outfit until the pants fit like SHORTS. Thank God, he likes to play with his feet because at least THOSE ARE FREE.

To add to all things Ridiculous in our household, I present for you, O Internet, The Purse. It has turned out to be perfect for what I needed. It fits in the diaper bag and is easy to pop into the Combi travel stroller as well. I was pretty stressed in San Francisco because the diaper bag doesn’t fit in the travel stroller so I was endlessly taking my wallet, phone, keys and such in and out and in and out...... It makes me nervous to have to keep constant track of such important things - particularly when I am traveling. I feel pretty lame posting a pic of this, but enough people asked - EVEN FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE - so I felt I should oblige. But, as you can see, the purse was nothing but an over-priced, black clutch. I apologize for the groan of disappointment emanating from all 4 of my reading public.

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