April 29, 2013

The Mute Button

Obviously, my writing here has dropped off considerably.  It would be easy to blame it on the project I have been on since February, but a quick glance at my archives would show that I have been neglecting this blog for more than just a few months.

I am not sure what happened.  Sometimes, I feel that I cannot be 100% honest here and that any opinion I express will insult someone….will hurt someone.  And that can become quite paralyzing.  For example, I have had a post brewing for ages in my brain about my shift in motherhood – that of going from a mother to teeny-tiny kids, to school-aged ones and how that affects my future choices. I have a post about my experiences taking a conceal carry/ gun safety class. And a post about why we told Arun about the Boston bombing and about Newtown and about tragedies in general. However, I have learned from past experiences that no matter how carefully I phrase words, no matter how carefully I attempt to tip-toe that someone... somewhere will be hurt or insulted or angry.  I already spend an excessive amount of emotional energy tiptoeing around people's feelings on Facebook and in Real Life that by the time I get here, I am simply tapped out all the while realizing THAT is a post right there -- how to be true to yourself without trampling over people.

And then, at one point, I accidentally blew up the template on my blog.  My blogroll is now missing, my sweet sheep are out wandering in the Blue Nowhere and…… I don’t know.  I thought that was a sign that I need a massive redesign on my blog but when I tried to find a designer, I could not find someone who would design on Blogger.  However, does a blog design really matter??  Add in the impending demise of Google Reader, I can’t help but wonder what that will mean to the few readers I have left.  Will any of it matter?

Still….I miss it here.  I miss writing.  I have drafts and scribbles and half-written entries scattered across various notebooks, journals and computers.  Over the next month, I am going to dust off some of those drafts.  I hope you will have patience with me as I recap a trip that I took last summer….as I wax sentimental on my kids…. as I post some snaps from a painting project from last fall….. as I post about some AMAZING books I read last year…. as I bore you to tears with my newfound passion for knitting socks.

Maybe somewhere in all of this I can find my voice again.

Even Anjali is bored with this post.


Carrie said...

I'm happy to have you back.

In my book, it's your blog, when you talk about your opinions - they are your opinions and feelings, if people don't like it or are offend, they should take a long walk off a short pier. Don't let the trolls get you down.

I've switched from Google Reader to feedley. It's not as good as GR, but it's close.

Jennifer said...

It matters, it really does. I have been in exactly the same place the past couple weeks. I have things brewing inside my head, threatening to escape, and I need to write them down. I need to find a new reader, I need to get back in the habit of expressing myself.

I have missed your thoughts, and I am glad to see them (and you) again :)

Average Jane said...

I miss your posts! Heck, I miss my own posts, although I've been making an effort to blog more often and I'm considering going back to daily posts in an effort to revive my own blogging.

Don't give up and don't feel as though you have to put everything out there.

Melanie said...

I miss your posts too and I have already signed up with the old reader and imported all "my" blogs so I am all set to keep following!

Amanda said...

Welcome back to the blog. I, too, have missed you on here.

I think that transition time between small children and school-aged kids is hard. I've come to realize that my rug-rats are growing into capable and dependable people that aren't sucking so much of my time and energy. Adjusting to that takes some time, so hang in there!

As for putting stuff out there, I think my blog may be a case study. People got unfriended. There was yelling. There were even tears! But, I'm not going to back down from the way I feel and I'm not going to hide my truth anymore. Again, hang in there and I would love to hear about your concealed to carry class.

meno said...

Hey woman. Since i've been AWOL, i hadn't realized that you were AWOL too. One of the reasons that i had to stop writing was depression, and the other was that my daughter found my blog and was reading it. I think i have bored her away from it by not posting for over a year.

One thing you might think about doing is starting over with an anonymous blog. Then you can say whatever the hell you want.

Just be sure to send me the new URL.

Anonymous said...

I've been waiting and checking, and will continue to do so. :) I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the motherhood transition, I too, am shocked they are suddenly going off to full day school, and not quite sure what that means for me.
I appreciate your honesty..and look forward to reading you again..

carrie beth

aibee said...

Nah, it doesn't matter. I loved the old blog design, this new one appeals to me in many different ways and I love it too. Regardless, you could do anything to this blog's aesthetic (aside from decorate it with actual, real, spiders)(OH WAIT YOU DO THAT ALREADY :O) and I'd still be reading, because YOU'RE the reason I read.

Even when there are spiders.

That's love, sistah. Right there.

jodifur said...

Welcome back

Anonymous said...

New design is fine.I agree with average jane