Pink Floyd, More 1969
Things that are/were broken or unusable in my home with accompanying explanation in parenthesis. Fixed items are in red.
3 out of 4 tires on my car (Please be advised that Special, Fancy Vehicles require Special, Fancy Tires at a Special, Fancy Price that will make your Special, Fancy Husband grumble louder than a Kardashian using public transportation)
Right-side of the garage (broken springs)
Left-side of the garage (blocked by so much junk you would think we were hoarders, except for the fact our basement has plenty of storage space and we even have a 4th bedroom that is unused. Which is worse? Hoarding or laziness? Wait. Don't answer. Although to be fair, the lawnmower and the 10,000 bicycles we own do not belong in the basement, right?)
Downstairs guest bathroom door does not stay shut. (Believe me, our friends and family really appreciate this game of chance fondly known as "Peeping Tom" in our home.)
Upstairs guest bathroom toilet. (Thank your Favorite Deity that it was a Clean Flush which discovered the problem, so the mess was minimal.)
Upstairs master bathroom toilet. (Again, another Clean Flush! Perhaps, I should rethink my views on the powers of higher beings?)
Upstairs shower (It leaked into the kitchen over a year ago and we simply stopped using it. Problem solved! Oh the joys of 1st World problems that include multiple bathrooms for a 4 member family.)
Ice maker refuses to spit out ice. (Another 1st World Problem, FTW! Woe is me, having to get my delicate digits WET while filling those dastardly ice cube trays. However, my father, The King of Ice Cube Trays, would be proud (A brief sidenote on that post, my dad and step-mom are moving and I insist they take the creepy cake with them.)
The power steering thingie in my car is leaking fluid/making noise. (The explanation for this is quite obvious. We paid off the Special,Fancy Vehicle just last month.)
My 3.5 year old computer. (It's slower than my grandma in a rainstorm. It takes 15-20 minutes to boot up and I have a small fan running constantly on it to keep it from over-heating. Often, when I am typing, it will freeze and I will have to wait for what I just typed to appear s...l....o...w..l...y, letter....by......frocking....letter to magically appear! on! the! screen! It needs to be rebuilt, but since I am an Over-Privileged American White Girl, we will probably buy a new one in the next few months)
The gate to our backyard. (To be fair, this has pretty much been falling apart since we moved in 6 years ago. However, the gate held no importance until we got a goddamned DOG. Now, we prop the gate closed with a wheelbarrow. 'Tis very classy of us, I KNOW.)
The noses of Team Chaos (Note: they are not broken, they are constantly streaming mucus, which in effect, renders them unusable)
My brain (It is yet to be determined whether my brain is broken or just unusable. I will leave that to you to decide.)
Come on - is there anything better than some puerile sniveling from an Over-Privileged American White Girl living in the suburbs?
Nope.
6 comments:
I had to laugh because just 6 weeks ago, the upstairs master shower leaked into my kitchen, and YEP like you we quit using it... all using the kids bathroom now and I have no idea when it will get repaired. My garage door quit last year and its one of those huge heavy double wide doors and I could not open the darn thing and get out! Had to call in help (if thats not embarrassing--help my car is stuck in the garage!).... We did replace the garage door before winter last year, but dang it was pricey!
I do have you beat though, the balcony off my master bedroom (tiny though it was) rotted a year or two after we moved in.... It was original and the house was built in the early 70's, we tore it off the house immediately, but it took us nearly a YEAR to have it replaced, classy no?? So we had a second story sliding glass door TO NOWHERE for a YEAR!!! (yes it was locked and had a brace keeping anyone from using it)
Sadly, that is not my worst oversight, around the same time the deck started falling apart, we tore it down so the kidlets didn't get hurt.... took us 3 years to replace it.... YES THREE YEARS..... its a wonder my neighbors didn't turn us in for being total losers (in my defense, I kept up the front and sides of the house quite nicely).
I feel your pain. So says the girl living in the flip house from hell with a used van on it's last legs (tires?)
We have a door problem. There is not a single door in the house that just works and doesn't have a trick, a problem, or a glaring flaw. It seems like some meaningful metaphor, though I can't figure out what it is.
BUT, on the really slow computer thing? Watch your nearest Staples. Every few months they run a free promo on a computer "tune-up" -- took in my nearly dead, very elderly upstairs computer and with just a little additional cash added on for some new innards, got back at least a year or so of use at normal speeds. Figured that gave us a year to think what to buy to use up there next.
Did you see my FB status the other day? I'm right there with you wallowing in my First World American White Girl problems. Glad I'm not alone!
We have not used one bathroom for more than ten years!!! Okay, so it is not just us.
I really should be calling that plumber fella after I break open all the kid's piggy banks.
just came across your blog from your comment on Gori Wife life ;) I look forward to reading your stuff, feel free to read and comment on mine :)
Oh and hope you get your car fixed ;)
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