Today, I nearly blew chunks of Kung Pao chicken all over my computer screen when I read Traci's comment from yesterday's post:
I have been lurking for a while, following to get some tips on how to handle kid number 2. I have a 17 month old and am due end of August. Just found out it is kid number 2 AND 3 in there. yikes! Maybe you'll have the same surprise!
I had my 24 week appointment today. I've still only gained 4 lbs, yet my doctor observed that I am "measuring big" (and she even measured twice because she thought she got it wrong). Realistically, I am not having twins, but I did tell X that maybe he should bring a wheelbarrow to the ultrasound on Friday because if they happen to discover that NewKid does indeed have a partner in crime, we could sure use all those bricks emanating from my ass. I've been wanting to lay brick over our patio for awhile anyway. I'd like to send special laser-darted smooches to Traci for sending bad twin karma my way. Bad Traci! Bad Traci! But I jest.......
Oh and also, regarding today's appointment? It's difficult enough to dispense Ye Olde Urine Sample while 24 weeks pregnant. For extra kicks, try doing so while vigorously swatting away a 17 month old's "helping hand". Go ahead!! As Traci can probably attest, someone's coming outta the bathroom a bit pissed*.
Anyway, I am sorry to disappoint Traci as I feel like the very last soul on earth right now who should be offering advice on how to handle more than one child. It's been a very rough week and for no particular reason. My life is really easy. I keep reminding myself of that fact in the hopes that I start to believe it. I'm really, really tired and Arun is a 21.5 ton... er, pound....17- month old toddler who veers between running around like a banshee to all of a sudden wanting to be carried, needing a snuggle or demanding to sit on my rapidly disappearing lap. All of these things are little more taxing to do when you are already lumbering around. But I wouldn't want it any other way. I am glad my children will be so close in age. There's a reason why my sister had her children so close in age as well. I am 5 years older than my sister (15 older than my younger sister, 17 older than my brother). When my sister was born, I thought she was cool for all of like 10 minutes, then the shiny new coat wore off. Quickly. I came to the rapid realization that I had been dethroned. I was no longer the Special One and my sister had replaced me. I grew into a bitter, mean, jealous little girl. I made it a personal mission to reject her as I felt my mom and beloved Olathe Grandma had rejected me (for the record, my dad even acknowledges this favoritism was a problem and this is not something I creatively made up all on my own). Sadly, the effects of this favoritism still linger to this day in various ways. I still feel guilty for being such a shitty older sister. My sister harbors her own little issues of having grown up with someone she adored, but from whom she could never gain acceptance. Fortunately, when I went away to college, we started growing closer and now, she is one of my very best friends. I would do just about anything for her (including, but not limited to, drunkenly confronting military police on a base in Hawaii by loudly questioning the fact that they are "fucking in charge of national security but they can't fucking tell me where my sister is?" Nope, I wasn't arrested, thankfully and miraculously. Ahem.) Anyway, now that we are adults, we can confront our childhood for what it was and move on. We have many, many years left to be sisters and we both don't want to waste any time on the past. So, no. I don't regret having my children so close in age.
I hear consistently from other mothers who are ahead of me in this Wham!Bam! Game of Procreation that it is really, really* rough in the beginning, but that it pays off when they are a little older. And that in general, follows my sMothering Mantra of "this is temporary". It helps knowing that someday there won't be a weepy toddler clinging to my pant leg. A thought that simultaneously inspires me and saddens me. And THAT is what gets me through the really crappy weeks.
*Pun actually intended.
**Notice how many "really"s are there? Add a few more.
10 comments:
I too have baby #2 on the way (am due just a couple weeks after you). Twins are pretty prevalent in my family, so a small part of me was hoping for two, but we've already had our sono and, much to my hubbies relief, only one little person is kicking around in my tummy.
Few weeks with a 17 month old are easy, but I think you will be amazed at how things do quickly get easier as Arun gets just a little older. Our oldest is three and fairly self sufficient.
Good for you on the minimal weight gain! I won't admit to anyone what my voracious pregnancy appetite has added to my waistline.
I can't wait to hear about the sonogram! I always get excited about those, even if it isn't my own baby.
Also, I think you will be surprised at how much Arun changes in the next few months. We've had a couple of rough weeks recently, but at almost 21 months Zach is becoming more independent every day.
p.s. That article I told you about will be running in Thursday's FYI in case you want to look for it.
Count yourself lucky! My babe weighed 22 lbs at 6 months!
I plan on having my children close together too. We are going to start trying when Porgie turns one. I am 6 years older than one of my brothers and 13 years older than the other. We are not very close. In fact, we rarely ever talk - we just don't have anything in common. My hope is that my children will be friends while growing up.
Also, Porgie already weighs 21 pounds at 9 months. I pulled a muscle in my back lugging her around last week. I pain your pain.
That's really interesting... Cause my sis and I are 18 months apart and actually? I was always resentful of her too. And as a kid I rejected her. (Course it doesn't help when your parents openly favor the other kid and say things like, "You'd better watch out. Your sister is very pretty. She could steal your boyfriend just by blinking in his direction.") Plus? We fought over everything --babysitting jobs, clothes, varied stuff.
I think the biggest factor in getting siblings to get along and respect each other is how parents treat the kids. My parents unknowinly always grouped us together. If I worked hard for a priveledge, my sis got it at the same time I did without the work. Sometimes they even unknowingly pitted us against each other (see comment about stealing one's boyfriend.)
That all said. I KNOW you'll do great. And I envy you. I wish I could have been that gutsy.
Now that I read my comment, I'm scared the "gutsy" part sounds bitchy and I am SO NOT intending it to be that way. What I meant was when my son was Arun's age, I wish I would have felt I had enough patience, energy and sanity, (and emotional support from my husband) to welcome another little person into the fold. Unfortunately I didn't feel as ready. And I envy you for feeling ready.
Well, I think twins are fantastic, but I could be biased;> That said, however, my least desirable time to have twins would be soon after a singleton. The chances for resentment and jealously seem so high during that time when they still need you while you need to care for the new babies. I wish your friend the best of wishes.
I have no siblings myself, so I haven't a clue about how age differences affect the relationship, but after having twins, I'd venture to say that close in age is a great plan.
When I was knocked up with The Man-Cub, I worried that The Girl would be jealous and would treat the new baby badly. When he was born she was the picture of angelic grace. She LOVED her brother and asserted her right to treat him as though he was her own. It was quite a relief. Of course, she totally took her displacement out on me and I was on her shit list for at least a month. Seriously; girlfriend HATED me and didn't try to hide it. She got over it. I have no doubt Arun will be a fabulous big brother and, if he should turn on you, never fear; it's just a phase.
Haha....twins it could still be! ok, probably not....
and I think you are totally qualified to give advice. Anyone who is at home with a toddler and has time for a blog...impressive. I can barely type a sentence. Come fall with three kids...I'll probably be barely able to read a sentence.
Traci
I agree that it is rough in the beginning and gets easier as they age. My own two are not quite a year apart and it was pretty overwhelming initially. They will be 4 and 5 in May and it's not nearly as difficult now. They are great friends, I hope they continue to be as I don't want more children, so they're stuck with each other LOL.
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