July 30, 2006

Where should I Begin? How about the End?

Note to all the Fine Folks at the Kansas City airport patiently waiting on Sunday at Gate 34 for their 12:45 pm. flight to Baltimore: After my baby boy has deplaned, he does not usually reach for just any Indian guy that happens to be hanging out in the B Group near the gate. You see, in a sweet moment of Southwest Serendipity, the plane that had just arrived from Oakland bearing my son and I happened to be the very plane that my Baby Daddy was waiting to board for HIS flight on to Baltimore.

Actually, it was pretty cool to be able to see X as he headed out to Virginia. I was missing him even though when he called me as we were still on the runway, he was smirking as he informed me that he was waiting for my ass to arrive so that he could leave. Funny guy. Hee-larious.

Anyway - where was I???? Ah, yes, that thing about blogs, blogging, and bloggers. I guess they call it BlogHer or something like that. The trip going out to the West Coast on Thursday started out very stressfully because it turned out that I had NOT purchased the option for the Friday cocktail hour. I made so many frantic calls to Dorothy and Average Jane regarding this debacle that I fear they will never answer my calls again. It ended up working out okay, but by the time we had reached Carmel, even my mom wanted to throw out my damned Treo because I was so obsessed with checking my Gmail and Voicemail. Thursday, we found a hotel, checked in and walked around Carmel. I have always wanted to go there and am glad we went, but honestly? I was very underwhelmed. It was block after block of Crazy Expensive Shit. We did enjoy walking to the beach and seeing all the cute houses with cool gardens, so it was not a lost cause.

Friday, we got up, went back to the beach to walk around, then drove through Pebble Beach (beautiful), Pacific Grove (sweetly quaint), Monterey’s Cannery Row (freakin’ touristy). In particular, Pebble Beach was spectacular. Arun slept the whole time, so at several lookout points, we drove up, rolled down the windows and just enjoyed the view and sounds of the waves. We even saw some seals - or it could have been a couple of guys in wetsuits fending off sharks, but we’re pretty certain they were seals. Or something with flipperish appendages. Seal barks or cries for help? Whatever.

As we meandered back to San Jose, we happened across the Gilroy Garlic Festival. Seriously - how could we resist a festival of garlic?? And these people mean BUSINESS. Apparently, about 180,000 folks attend this stinky shindig. Fortunately, we went on Friday which is the slowest day and even then, it was still crowded and we had to park over a mile away from the grounds. OMIGOD, in all it’s garlicky goodness, it was totally worth it.

Where else can you get garlic ice cream?

Where else would snails be considered appropriate Fair Food?

Nowhere but Gilroy, that’s for fucking sure.

Okay - on to BlogHer we go........ The rest of Friday was a bit of a haze involving wine (red), slurpy hugs (not naming names), more wine (white), tattoos (temporary), spilled wine (?) and stumbling back to my room so that my very own mommy could take care of MY ass for change and Thank GOD, she was already taking care of my kid's ass. The whole evening harkened back to the decade I like to refer to as My Roaring 20s - all that was missing was a rousing game of "I Never", a couple of pole dances using a pool cue and a Night Ending round of Mind Erasers.

Saturday, I got up hanging like a cheap of curtains (apparently, I didn’t Spill enough). What’s the first thing I did after registering? I promptly walked over to the GM area and test drove the Saturn Sky because they were offering an awesome goodie bag. Folks, it’s official, I am a total Swag Bag Hag. I LOVE me some free shit. I would have left my kid back at the Hyatt and stuffed his diaper bag full of more freebies if it was socially acceptable. Which, last I heard it's not, so you can just mark that off as yet another way the kid is cramping my style. ANYWAY, I test drove the car, picked up my goodie bag, THEN figured out which sessions I needed to be attending. Because I have priorities...........

I have many more compelling ideas and thoughts regarding the conference because as ya'll are most certainly well aware, this blog just happens to be world-renowned for its Thought Provoking posts and I am just one measly paragraph away from being the next Jane Austen. HOWEVER, I really need to get UNpacked so that I can get the clothes washed so that I can turn around and REpack them for our trip to Boston on Wednesday. I will have more later. Hey, it's not called Rancid Raves for nothing. As a peace offering, I offer up Real Life photos including ME. I am putting my Vanity on the shelf for the next few posts. bah.

To Be Continued........
In the meantime, here's some Slapdashed Snappage.................

Cagey and Zoot with their Precious Tots

Not a drop of ass or boob sweat was to be found. I think I love her.

Cagey and Dorothy with their Prison Tats

MommyBloggers can totally KICK your ass while WIPING your ass.

We Rock like that.


Anonymous said...

Hey Kelli! Call me an obsessive FanStalker girl, hahaha! Actually, call me sick as a dog because apparently drinking rum all day doesn't agree with my stomach. :(

It was such a blast to meet you! You really made BlogHer a lot of fun. Not to mention the fact that you look so sexy in your tat!

dorothy said...

The lovely Cagey is outed at last! Soak it up, world!

I will still take your calls, but only if we can get that one bartender right afterward.

Brit said...

duude that should totally be our new slogan! WE can kick your ass while wiping it!!

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

Adorable pics...sorry I missed you (by one day)...but I must say I'm happy you're back. I had a good long laugh at Arun reaching for his Baby Daddy in the B boarding group.

I have emailed you deets about Boston. I know you're busy so no need for lengthy emails-let me know if you need anymore info before you leave.

Diana said...

I came slinking over here figuring that there was no way you'd have a post up yet, and here it is! Complete with 2 (count'em 2!) pictures of the lovely you!


Rozanne said...

Where else can you get garlic ice cream?

Well, they were supposedly serving it at the dinky-ass garlic festival I attended last summer in Dinkyassville, OR. But. They were out of it!

I had to drink a garlic beer to compensate for the loss.

Hey, pix of you!!!!! It seems like several of the bloggers I read are stepping out from behind the cyber curtain. Way to go!

Rozanne said...

Also, does this now mean that your mom knows that you blog? Or were you forced to concoct some elaborate lie?