Yes, I am working. While it has never seemed to me there was a
time where I was not working, society
demands the distinction. Last year while
on another contract, I wrote a post titled “On Working” that detailed my hazy,
mixed feelings on this so-called “working thing” and that ambivalence has still
not cleared. I love making money (along with the rest of humanity?) I like relieving Manoj of some of our fiscal responsibilities. I enjoy getting dressed up every day. I appreciate that I am working with
intelligent professionals. I relish
pulling out Big School Words mixed with Business Clichés. I love digging deep into a Visio diagram and
even deeper into my brain as I recall past knowledge and experiences. I like hanging out with men for a change and
talking sports and politics and pop culture all in my favorite sarcastic,
cynical sense of humor (I always had a difficult time finding my Sarcastic, Cynical
Tribe of SAHMs. Where were they??!!)
I feel the tide turning with a slow, creeping ascent. When my kids were little, I was not conflicted about “just staying home” with them. Not ever once. My self-esteem remained intact, I was never bored and I certainly never thought that I had tossed some feminist agenda to the wind! However, this current school year has introduced a subtle shift to our lives. Anjali is in afternoon Kindergarten and I cherished our mornings together while appreciating my afternoons all to myself. I was able to do quick errands, visit my grandma, volunteer at the school and sneak in some reading or gym time. I suddenly found myself with a luxurious abundance of free time and unapologetically, I was enjoying it.
Obviously, accepting this current project ended all of that and frankly, the transition was painful. Anjali has missed me terribly and has expressed herself in extremes – either with sadness or anger. One day, she might sob uncontrollably at how she misses me. The next day, she might completely reject me and drift toward Manoj. I rarely cook these days. The house is a complete disaster. And the worst part is oh, how I miss my kids. They are asleep when I leave the house and not seeing them until 3:40pm each day is difficult.
I don’t know what our new life will hold for us this fall when both kids are in school full-time. I hope to find a solution that will allow me the flexibility to be home with them after they get out of school since rushed, frantic evenings are not a lifestyle I ever want. However, I also know that I simply cannot drop my children off at school, and then sit around all day just waiting for them to come home. The days of gin-soaked afternoons playing canasta with bland snacks served on melamine plates belong to the likes of Betty Draper.
Yes, I love Staying Home but only when my children are actually home with me.
I feel the tide turning with a slow, creeping ascent. When my kids were little, I was not conflicted about “just staying home” with them. Not ever once. My self-esteem remained intact, I was never bored and I certainly never thought that I had tossed some feminist agenda to the wind! However, this current school year has introduced a subtle shift to our lives. Anjali is in afternoon Kindergarten and I cherished our mornings together while appreciating my afternoons all to myself. I was able to do quick errands, visit my grandma, volunteer at the school and sneak in some reading or gym time. I suddenly found myself with a luxurious abundance of free time and unapologetically, I was enjoying it.
Obviously, accepting this current project ended all of that and frankly, the transition was painful. Anjali has missed me terribly and has expressed herself in extremes – either with sadness or anger. One day, she might sob uncontrollably at how she misses me. The next day, she might completely reject me and drift toward Manoj. I rarely cook these days. The house is a complete disaster. And the worst part is oh, how I miss my kids. They are asleep when I leave the house and not seeing them until 3:40pm each day is difficult.
I don’t know what our new life will hold for us this fall when both kids are in school full-time. I hope to find a solution that will allow me the flexibility to be home with them after they get out of school since rushed, frantic evenings are not a lifestyle I ever want. However, I also know that I simply cannot drop my children off at school, and then sit around all day just waiting for them to come home. The days of gin-soaked afternoons playing canasta with bland snacks served on melamine plates belong to the likes of Betty Draper.
Yes, I love Staying Home but only when my children are actually home with me.
