May 10, 2008

Are you the person you want to be?
If not, what is stopping you?

I was not a nice individual last year. I was not a happy individual last year, either. I think the two are most certainly related. A mobius strip of How Not to Lead One's Life.

Three weeks ago, I made a specific change in my life towards becoming a better person. This week, I will make another change. In June/July, I will make another change. I think gradually, I can become the wife, mother, person that I want to be.

I want to be the sort of mother I want my children to have and it heartens me to know that my children will never remember what a mean, little person I can be. I fervently hope they never see that side of me again.

I hope I never do, as well.

9 comments:

Christy said...

Good for you! Since having Izzy, I have yelled more times than I care to remember. I have been trying to fix things too.

caro said...

I have a lot of regrets about the past several months, too. And I've also been climbing out of it, slowly.

I'm curious about your changes. Are you willing to share what you're doing differently?

Brit said...

I feel like I"m a better person every day...it's a good feeling because...I don't really like that person I once was...she wasn't mean..but she wasn't very interesting and she rarely spoke her mind

LuAnn said...

Changes can be hard to make, but many can be beneficial, as well. I applaud you on your journey. Sometime maybe you will share more specifically when you are copmfortable.

Rayne of Terror said...

I imagine it is very hard to have two children so close in age when so much of the work is drudgery plus Mr. X working on exciting next big thang. Lucky for us all kids grow so quickly and each stage passes just when you think you can't take it anymore.

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

I've made a really big decision as well-going to have to tell you about it next time we talk.

I'm happy you're feeling better.

bethiclaus said...

I'm so glad that you wrote about this. I'm doing a bit of this kind of thing myself. Good to know there are other people not-so-thrilled with themselves from time to time.

wurdygirl said...

I applaud your efforts. I've done this too. I'm working on my temper and my mouth. I tend to curse like a sailor when provoked beyond endurance...which is not hard to do some days.

I also know about having kids so close together and staying home. My kids are all 2 years apart. Honestly, I don't even remember much of my daughter's first year (my 3rd child). I remember totally losing my identity. I became Courtland, Jonathan, & Caitlin's mom...not me anymore. It's a wonder I could even remember my own name ;)

Me said...

Good for you! That type of introspection and change is so hard - as are many others here in your comments, I'm trying to do a bit of that myself.