April 15, 2008

Is she your baby?

The other day when X took Anjali to the Indian store with him, he was asked the very question that made for such a great post title today. That was almost as good as that one time when a gal in Target asked me "Did you make them?" while gesturing towards the hard-earned fruit of my womb. Almost. Anyway, it is not as if X has asked for cheek swabs.

At least not yet.

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Innernets, I have swayed to the Dark Side of Parenting and have spent the last of our iTunes gift certs on some Laurie Berkner, Jack's Big Music Show, and Nuttin' But Stringz downloads. X did not believe me when I said it was for the children. The nerve! Certainly, I did not learn the lyrics to the Monster Boogie and the Googleheads for my own entertainment. That would be disturbing.

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In my last post, Alimomof3 (formerly known as Alimomof2) asked the following questions about co-sleeping:
I'm curious about your experiences with co-sleeping. We did not with our first, although he slept in our room for a long time. We kinda did with our second because I would nurse in bed and we would fall asleep. Our third is now one month old and he has been in our bed from the beginning. I am a little worried about suffocation issues, but I am taking all the nec. precautions. Anyway, as the babies get older and more movey-aroundy, how does it work for you? Do you put the kids to bed in your bed at night? Do you go to bed at the same time as them or sneak in later? Do they both sleep with you? Do they nap there? I am wondering what the future holds for us! But it is true - our newest little guy sleeps big chunks at night. When I try to put him in his bassinet he grunts and groans and moves around, but next to me he is quiet and peaceful.


My Answer:
First - congratulations on your new little one!! This explains where you have been, eh?

Generally, I put Arun to sleep in the spare bedroom and X puts Anjali to sleep in our bed. Although, sometimes we switch. Sometimes, we leave them there until we go to bed. Other times, we go to bed with them. X tends to sleep with Arun and I sleep with Anjali. However, sometimes we switch if one of them is sick. However, if X is out of town, Arun and Anjali both sleep with me. Um, yeah - we are all about routines here. In short, if the kids are not sick or teething, they will sleep in the bed alone quite well.

Arun is all Movey-Aroundy, but he does not roll out of our spare bed which is your typical "mattress with box springs" setup. Our master bed is a Scandinavian platform-style bed which is very low to the ground and less than 19 inches. Recently, Anjali has rolled out of bed maybe twice, but that was once when we were playing around (not sleeping) and another time when I got up to go to the bathroom and did not put a pillow beside her. Yes, you read that correctly - pillows. When Anjali was a newborn, I was very careful about the pillow thingie, but now that she can easily navigate her way around, I do put a small square pillow on either side of her to keep her from rolling off. With Arun, once he started crawling around, he figured out quickly that crawling off of the bed was not fun. When he would wake up, he would start crying or calling for us and would wait for us to come get him. I am predicting that Anju will do the same - basically, when a kid starts crawling, they seem to get that "awareness" that they should not be crawling off of beds. Natural selection, perhaps?

Naps? Oh sister, I am not sure I can help here. My kids hate naps. I have never figured out if it was the co-sleeping or not, but even when Arun went through a brief 6 month period of sleeping through the night in his crib, he still fought naps. We are now in a blissful period where we can get the kids to sleep in the beds for their naps, but I am shaking with terror that I may have just jinxed myself by typing those very words, brazen hussy that I am.

Suffocation? Try not to stress over that one. Seriously - just lay off on the drugs, quit doing body shots with your husband right before bedtime and try not to get obese in the next few months. You will be fine. My husband is from a land of co-sleepers and has never, ever heard of a kid suffocating or getting rolled on.

Sex? You did not ask about this one, but this is the question that everyone wonders about, but is afraid to ask. I am not going to offer up details, but will say that we had no problems getting pregnant with Anjali even though we were co-sleeping with Arun. After all, it is called co-SLEEPING. Ahem. Besides, there is something to be said for spicing things up by sneaking around your own house so that Mama can get her sugar. Is all I'm sayin'.

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And now, it is time to exploit my children in the name of Blog Fodder.

9 Months

Leaning, Not Standing

Not Your Grandma's Shampoo 'n Set


Sitting Pretty
She was very proud that she could sit next to her brother there (who had just vacated his spot seconds prior)

She's Got Wide, Staring Eyes
Thankfully, no strong urge to fly

The Feeling is Mutual
This photo makes my heart go all squishy. Damn kids.

17 comments:

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

I was wondering where you were...figure you were hunkering down in your please-don't-ask-me-tax-questions bunker with the phone off Tivo clutched in hand.

Home free because the post office should be closed by now in Kansas, huh?

PS: did I not promise you she would reach 'fro status soon??? I strongly recommend a pick for when you need something to brush out the tangles. Hurts so much less.

PPS: Commentary on kids and their "origin" is hilarious but staggeringly rude. Sorry you get that stuff.

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for answering my questions. I feel kinda famous for making it into an actual post! The co-sleeping thing definitely works for us now, and I can see how it can work in the future. Both of my older boys hop into bed with us in the mornings, so they shouldn't get too jealous.

BTW, my first is adopted. He and my second are polar opposites in both looks and personality. I often get comments from strangers about their differences. I really don't feel the need to qualify it to people by explaining they don't share any DNA. I just shrug and say I'm lucky with my little variety pack. I just worry that my 2 biological kids will look very much alike and my first will feel different.

Alimomof3

Christy said...

When we co-slept, we used a bedrail that clamped down onto the mattress. It made me feel better about leaving Porgie alone during naps.

Cagey said...

Alimomof3,
I am not irritated by the questions themselves as much as "how" they are "asked". Mostly, we just laugh at how crass folks can be.

Anonymous said...

Hi! First time posting, but I've been reading your blog for a while and really enjoy it. I too find it funny/sad when people ask questions or make comments like that. I'm multi-racial and my mom (who's white) would always get asked if my sisters and I were adopted or, one time, if she was our nanny! People are less strange about it now that we're older, but when we were young it happened a lot.

-Alexandra

flybunny said...

Can the girl get any cuter???

I really admire people that can co-sleep. We tried it this time around and neither hubby or I got any sleep because we were both so worried about squishing her so she slept next to us in the bassinet until she got to big for that.

Brit said...

we also had no problem getting pregnant the second time while co sleeping...ahem.

Anonymous said...

Cute pics ! We are expecting our first baby soon and being Indian, will definitely co-sleep.

PJ

aibee said...

Oh my, the cuteness!

Your delicious children must be held responsible for my insatiable urge for some more of that IVF pandemonium!!

For serious.

And so, where do I send the bill?

Jen said...

We co-slept with 1st baby for about two months. Then we went to a friend's house, it was only a double bed, so we had him sleep in the portacrib. The next morning, we all woke up -- after the most refreshing night of sleep we'd had in, well, 2 months. He slept better, we slept better. He went to a crib after that. At 17, he's still a fabulous sleeper. ;-D

We co-slept for a few weeks with the next and with #3 just snugged a bassinet up to the bed (and sometimes fell asleep nursing with him in the bed).

I always told people that asked that I never fell out of bed while sleeping as an adult, so it seemed even more unlikely that I'd roll over and suffocate my precious offspring!

CPA Mom said...

Delicious kiddos! I really, really wish I lived closer so I could (stalk) visit with you and (smother with kisses) hold your kids!

Any plans for your birthday? Have a great one!

Heza Hekele said...

Feel free to send me hate mail. I appologize in advance, I am opinionated on this subject and I know I will rub some the wrong way.

My brother's friend lost their one month old a few weeks ago...co-sleeping. They don't know if it was suffocation or crib death (not that there is any known cause to "crib death")

Babies die in adult beds.

Put pumpkin near you, in his own bed, and use an angel-care monitor. It's the only thing on the market that can give you any heads up if your baby stops breathing for any reason. Then, at least you have time to react, instead of finding your baby blue, cold and dead.

Co-sleeping is comfortable, natural and delicious. It is also DEADLY to infants. Wait until the babe is a year old before you let him in your bed, as horribly inconvenient as that is. Funerals are even more inconvenient.

That is my advice.

Olivia said...

I've heard the advice to not put pillows or blankets in the crib with infants. So, what's the rule if you co-sleep? Put baby on top of parents' blankets?

I don't know what we will due when we have a baby. Our bed isn't very big so I'm inclined to go with a crib/bassinet, but our room is pretty cramped, too. So many things to figure out.

Cagey said...

Heza Hekele,
No, no - there is no need for hate mail around here! Unfortunately, your brother's friends may never know what caused their baby's death and I cannot blame them for wanting to point to the co-sleeping. On that token, I have known several folks who lost their babies in cribs but I do not believe that babies sleeping in cribs will "cause" death. I think using the word "cause" in conjunction with babies sleeping in beds OR cribs is a dangerous one.

Olivia,
I clear the "area" around my daughter - no big pillows, no blankets covering her. The only thing is a small square pillow behind her as she lays on her side. I sleep with a light blanket on top of me. We do not use big, fluffy comforters anyway, so this was not a problem for us.

Olivia said...

Thanks, Cagey. We do use a big, fluffy comforter during the winter, and with a queen sized bed there's not a lot of space to clear an area with both adults in the bed. I'll keep these suggestions in mind when we actually have a baby. ;)

Lisa said...

Oh my gosh woman. Your little girl is growing fast and is so beautiful! Your photos make my heart melty too!

lorib said...

Ok , no one is going to comment on the sex? Yes, that is absolutely what I have always wondered about in the whole co-sleeping scenario. Thanks for the co-SLEEPING ahem information, sugar Mama.