Well, the funeral went as well as could be expected. I never, ever thought I would need to help a friend write the eulogy for her husband - not while still in my 30s, at least. I have written and given several eulogies before, so I knew how to go about it and was glad to help her.
I know that way, way down the road J will be fine, although it’s going to be slow going while she builds this new life for herself and her children. I feel such a strong responsibility to help her towards that, and I am not sure why. Possibly because I know that she feels comfortable confiding in me? Or is it because since I am staying home, I have the time to be there? She will continue to stay home full-time for awhile, so she needs someone during the “daytime” hours. Maybe it’s simple geography - I live in the same town as her parents and she lives in the same town as mine. Or, it could be that I have her to thank for my own wonderful husband - I would have never met X had it not been for her. I guess that in the end, it doesn’t matter WHY I feel such a responsibililty, but innately I know that I am the right person for the job and that I should be there for her.
I will say this - J and I have already discussed the fact that we are grateful to be educated, professional women. J will have no problems financially maintaining a solid future for herself and her children. I think it says a lot that in her darkest hours, she can look to that and be appreciative.
Finally, I would like to say that I am very grateful for all the supportive comments and emails I have received this week. It was very comforting to write about what was going on and to receive all those kind thoughts. When I started this blog, I had no intentions of becoming an Identity blogger, so I am still amazed sometimes that I am able to write so much about myself. It’s been very rewarding and this week has only served to show what blogging can do for a person.
I won’t be posting anymore about this. It’s really J’s journey and I have probably already written more than I should. I will probably still mention J occasionally by simple virtue of the fact that I will most likely be seeing her more often. However, next week I want to return to posting bitchy, sarcastic, irreverent drivel about this wonderful life that I am so fucking thankful for getting the chance to experience.