January 31, 2006

It's only Tuesday?

Yesterday felt like the longest day ever. I didn't think I would want to blog this week, but actually find that "something" is missing if I don't post at least a few times during the week. Despite the obvious therapautic benefits to writing, there is a good feeling about getting a post out that makes me feel as if I accomplished something.

I still haven't seen J., although I spoke with her yesterday morning and then later with her mother. Her mother and I agreed that the critical time is coming in the next few weeks and months. I am "hanging back" a bit from rushing over to her parent's house because she is surrounded with a good support group, she is still in shock, and very busy making all of the arrangements. I will call later today to see how things are going and to see if I can visit her. I am still a little weirded out by the "Big Chill" factor - we seem too young for this. It feels too early in life for me to be calling college friends and relating this sort of news. But again, this shows how lucky I have been in my life to have not had to face this sort of thing before.

J. and I have been friends for over 16 years now - her boyfriend at the time was Asshole #1's roommate, so our friendship not only runs long, but it runs DEEP. We both knew very well how incredibly fortunate we were to have found our husbands - in fact, I met X through J, when she was working for his company. Our personalities are very different and at times, we have driven each crazy. However, she is one of those friends that after awhile, is pretty much tantamount to family.

This morning I woke up and emotionally felt better - like, I think I can go outside the house without crying in front of people now. (Yesterday, I was so weepy in the checkout lane in the grocery store, it was embarrassing, but fortunately, the checkout gal knows me well enough by now to realize I am not a freak). At first, I felt guilty for feeling better and being able to forget for a whole 5 minutes that her husband has died. However, I quickly realized this is a GOOD thing. Everyone around J. is going to have to be strong for her because she has a rough road ahead of her.

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