Who Am I?

Last week marked 7 months since I quit my job with the Fed. At the time, I was very worried about being bored at home and losing a sense of my self. But the alternative wasn’t viable - keeping my Dementor’s Kiss of a job at the Fed, my husband continuing to run a company based in freakin’ VIRGINIA, AND raising a baby would have quickly landed us in a No Man’s Land of unhappiness. I’ll admit that sometimes I am weirded out by the fact that I make no money and am basically dependent on X. Then again, the guy is fairly dependent on ME because I run the entire household. He doesn’t know the purpose for any of the tools in the garage, I am in charge of all our finances, and hell’s bells - I just leveled our washer myself last week. For sure, my self-esteem has remained intact. However, I am still not certain how to introduce myself - nearly 19 years of saying “Hi! My name is Cagey and I work for {insert creppy job} as a {insert creppy title}” tends to leave you at loose ends when you don’t have a “bona fide” job anymore. Furthermore, I don’t subscribe to that “I am my kid’s mom” bullshit. Dammit - I am still ME, just with less hobbies and hangovers. I don’t really like the “stay at home mom” moniker either , but am not sure how else to refer to what I do. I usually just say that I “stay home full time”, which isn’t exactly true because it is a rare day that I actually do STAY AT HOME. I’ve put many, many miles on the RidiculousCar and the kid probably thinks the backseat of that damned car is his freakin’ bedroom and that only the coolest babies nap to Coldplay........... Anyway, while I am not exactly having an identity crisis, I am having trouble LABELING it -- “Mistress of the Manor” ain’t gonna cut it (Hint: Open to suggestions here.) It doesn’t help matters that I almost feel guilty admitting how much I LOVE staying home. Is this where I confess that I have no desire to go back to work anytime soon? No? Moving on to brighter topics.............

The jig is up, Favorite Black Jeans. Your ass is MINE. I am now at my PRE pre-pregnancy weight. You see, I had gained 7 lbs during the 2004 Christmas Season, THEN immediately got pregnant in January (this is why I was so cautious in gaining too much weight while growing the Freeloader). Anyway, I have officially waved bye-bye to those 7 lbs! As tempting as it is to just chalk the weight loss up to my breasts for ensuring the monkey stays chunky, I really should blame Boredom, or rather the LACK of it. I am rarely bored nowadays - if I AM sitting around slackjawed then it is my own damned fault! There is ALWAYS something to do -- I can play with the baby, watch for Bluth staircar jumpers, read a book, wash baby’s hair, watch Jack Bauer thwart terrorists with his Treo 650, change diapers, clean the house, play with baby’s hair, watch Jon Stewart report the REAL news, talk on the phone, feed baby, watch Oprah give away free shit, tap away on the computer, brush the baby’s hair, watch a group of idiots outwit, outlast, outplay............

I guess I always suspected that my weight was related to working, but I didn’t guess the real nature of the connection. Who knew I wasn’t working for the weekend, but rather for LUNCH?