January 24, 2006

Should old acquaintances be forgotten?

The neat thing about being sick is that apparently, it’s a great way to jumpstart weight loss. I am now BELOW my pre-pregnancy weight (Watch out, Favorite Black Jeans - you’re in my sights.) . While it totally sucks donkey butt to be hacking up my innards while MonkeyBoy continues along his way merrily filling diapers left and right, I would still rather deal with HIM than with Not So Supervisor from the Fed. Anyway, all this "laying around" between diaper changes has allowed me to ruminate on my Friendship Situation.............

Last week, I spent a lovely afternoon with R and her daughter . She lives just 2 doors down from all the shops in Brookside and it was a GORGEOUS day to join the Buggy Brigade. We didn’t even need to wear coats as we walked around the neighborohood. The relationship with R is a newly resurrected one. We used to do raku together years ago. She stopped doing raku several years before me and we kept in touch, but only very sporadically . Last summer, we started gradually phoning each other with the intent of getting together, but only just managed to do so in December. It’s been cool to reconnect with her - so much has happened. We both got married, both had babies and both picked up knitting. Furthermore, she is a very relaxed mom and that is the type I like to surround myself with since this job is hard enough without getting all paranoid over it. Anyway, after my afternoon with her, I had to think “What other friendships have I let go that maybe should be reconsidered?”

Over the years, I let several friendships fall by the wayside. 2001 through 2003, I worked at a HR Block in software development - a job that consumed more than its fair share of my waking hours and at times, it seemed my very SOUL. I changed jobs in late 2003 to do data security for the Federal Reserve with the promise of a “regular” work week. 2004’s “regular” work weeks consisted of being on call 24/7 and traveling to more than 15 other Feds. Furthermore, X and I sold and bought 3 houses all while being newlyweds. New husbands and houses, timesuckers they are. Finally, in 2005, I grew a baby. So, while I have ample excuses for losing friends, it still makes me sad.

Last year, while on my way to theBlogHer conference, I ran into my friend D at the San Jose airport of all places. I felt very foolish - not only was I pregnant, but I was VERY pregnant and I had never even told her*. My friend CS and his wife called shortly before Arun was born to get the baby status - I have yet to call back and say “hey, I gave birth” (I did send cards, etc, but still no actual call was made). The same goes for my friend BI. There are countless other friends of whom I can relate similar fates, but these are the three that really tug at my heart. So, my goal this week is to make an effort to get in touch with each of them. My effort will include a heartfelt, honest “Hey, I am sorry we have lost touch” and I'll see what comes of it.**

So, do you have any friends you have lost touch with that you regret? If so, what is holding you back from reaching out?

*This was not entirely unusual for me - last year when I showed up at a friend's wedding they were also very shocked to discover I was pregnant. It led to the awkward questioning of "Is she or isn't she?" oops.

** I have two particular friends, T and M, that these rules don't apply. Over the past 15+ years, with both of these friends, months and even a year (in T's case) can go by. All it ever takes is a phone call to catch up on the lost time. It is nice to have these treasured friendships where the "pressure is off". I know that no matter how much time has passed, the friendship is still there.

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