Miscellaneous Miscellanea

Updated: I just realized that in mentioning a DIY workshop by name here, it may not have been clear to a reader just joining the program that the workshop was not paid for by me.  I have removed all references to that specific workshop.  Please bear with me as I figure out this whole review thing!


Updated, Yet AGAIN: OMG.  Am now questioning whether I should have mentioned the company who sent a junk mailer for the free family day at the pumpkin patch?  To be sure, am removing the company's name and link.  I know they have something to do with phones?  I think?


Selling Out, Buying In
Over the past 3-4 months, the PR pitches coming into my box have slowly increased ( and in many cases, it was difficult to differentiate some of them from spam!) Recently, I received a pitch for reviewing some DVDs which will be released soon.  Overall, my goal with doing reviews is to only accept products which make sense for myself, my family and for this blog.  And I have talked about shows and movies that I have enjoyed watching with my kids over the years.  Besides, it just does not make sense to turn down an opportunity to review Animal Planet videos when I have two children who are rabid for animals. It is something we are already doing anyway.

So yes, you will be seeing more reviews on my Queen of the Free Bees site, although I do not anticipate a tsunami of them.  Seriously. Reviewing products takes time and I do NOT want reviews to take away too much time from this site. In that vein, from now on, I will keep the links to reviews on the down-low, as an italicized paragraph at the bottom of a regular post.  I will also be doing a few giveaways to gauge interest - if giveaways are not something that my readers find to be valuable, then I simply won't do them.  Why waste anyone's time otherwise?

And finally, you will never, ever see a sponsored post here on Rancid Raves.  If I talk about a product here???  I paid for it myself.  End of story.

DIY Deadbeat
Folks wondered what was up with my Bathroom Pulls Pickle.  Well. Let me tell you why......Years and years ago, I learned the hard way with a luggage set that if you want a set of Matched Something, you should purchase that set together....all at once.... at the same damned time.  Trust me, Grasshopper. Otherwise, you will find yourself trudging through luggage stores and obsessively checking eBay in a vain, tragic attempt to find that very last piece of luggage to complete your pretty, smart set. That was my worry with the pulls - that I would buy what I need for the downstairs bathroom, then not find the rest of them when the time came to finish the upstairs bathrooms.

Anyway, I dialed down my OCD affectations a notch (or two...or three. Whatever.) and decided to go ahead and switch out the downstairs knobs for now.  I need a total of 21 bathroom pulls - the cheapest I saw was about $3/pull.  Spending over $60 on pulls is most certainly not in our budget right now.  I decided that ultimately, no one is ever going to notice that the downstairs pulls do not match the upstairs pulls.  Of course, now that I have pointed that out, everyone traipsing through my house from here on forward will notice.

And no, I never did find that last piece of luggage. And no, it does not still bother me. No, really!

Bait and Switch, 'Tis a Bitch
For the past few months, I have been excited about the circus coming to town.  Squee!  Whee!

Right????  RIGHT.  I tracked when the circus was coming to town using a site called Circuses.com.  The other night, I went out there to finish planning our Big Day under the Big Top and I clicked the link in the following line "For specific steps to take when the circus comes to town, click here."

The link directs you to an entire page about circus animal cruelty and the steps you can take to try and get the circus canceled.    Then, I noticed for the very first time that their tagline is "Please Say "No" Because Animals Can't".  Whoa.  Either their intent is to be sly or this is just a case of poor web site design.  I am going to go with poor web site design.

I did decide to not do the circus this year, but really for budgetary reasons. I checked our mailbox yesterday and found a mailer for a company that is offering a free family day this Saturday at a nearby, semi-expensive pumpkin patch, the KC Pumpkin Patch.  Truthfully, I have no idea what this company is all about, but I suspect I will know more than I ever wanted to know about them after this Saturday.  And that is fine - I am willing to subject myself to a daylong sales pitch if it means my kids get to have fun.  No ever said this parenting gig would be a rose garden.

Whipped Cream Dreams

X loves to give our over-indulged children shots of whipped cream directly into their mouths. Of course, I informed him of the error in his ways and he thought I was being a ninny, but then I was all "DUDE, give them something to look forward to in college!  They will never want to leave our house and you are circumventing our Ultimate Goal in Parenting- that they will LEAVE someday."  Oh sure, some folks may want to raise happy, independent children who grow up to contribute something to the world around them.  Me?  I just want them outta my house.

I say, lower the bar and you shall never be disappointed.

 See the flyswatter on the wall?  Cuh-lassy, no?  At least I remove it before guests come over.  After I am done flipping their food with it, of course.

Contrite.

Yes.

I regret my post this morning.

I felt okay for about a grand total of 30 minutes. It was very cathartic to let loose a string of nasty, bitter invectives. Truly, it was.

Then, I trotted off for a lovely playdate at a nature center with two lovely gals. We watched our lovely children prance around, playing with sticks and enjoying the outside. It was lovely.

But, I increasingly began to feel uncomfortable with what I had written today. By the time I pulled in the driveway, I felt downright miserable that I had totally pooped all over my pretty space here. I am surprised the herd of sheep has not wandered over to a new pasture.

Obviously, I need to get a thicker skin and not care when folks bag a major corporation on Twitter.

Obviously, I need to get a thicker skin and not care when someone calls a circumcision a "tradition" and then proceeds to compare it to other traditions such as honor killings, foot bindings, war and even corporal punishment.

Obviously, I need to get a thicker skin and not care when folks spend their money foolishly, then proceed to cry foul and blame the economy.

Obviously, I need to rethink my Google Reader subscriptions.

Exhale.

I am going to cook a delightful meal tonight using as many delectable August tomatoes possible (Northern-style chicken masala, spicy tomato dhal and a tomato pachadi) Then, I will go to the gym, crank up the iPod and clear my head on the elliptical. Then, I will come home and relax with my family and some knitting.

I wish you all well.

Excuse me, I need to go bang my head on the nearest wall.

If you cannot laugh at yourself, then who the hell can you laugh at?

The other day, Liz at Mom-101 asked for our most embarrassing grade school experience. Are you kidding? I began wearing glasses in 1st grade. To boot, I was a child in that glorious decade of polyester, disco and garish color schemes (and inexplicably, macrame). The era known as the 70s. Dude. My entire grade school career was embarrassing. Those glasses and that decade created a perfect storm of geekitude that doomed me with a tailwind that continued on through the mid-80s. For damned sure, I never got picked to "doesy-doe" when square dancing was taught in gym class.

Kelli and the Purple Magic Marker

I am 2nd from the left in the 2nd row. See, I was not lying. Also, the back of the picture, says "The one I circled is a cutie. His name is Keith McCoy." I signed my name for good measure. Also, in purple Magic Marker. But, of course.

On Saturday, this class of mine from Oskaloosa had their 20th reunion. While I did not actually matriculate from Oskaloosa Preparatory Academy For the Elite and Over-Privileged living in Jefferson County, Kansas, I am an honorary member of the class since I attended Kindergarten through half of 6th grade.

As I was digging through my class photos, I realized that in our 3rd grade snap, Keith McCoy was circled. Oops. I also realized that my crush was a long, long time ago and that in the past 3 decades I have honed and refined a sense of self-deprecating humor that does not mind my own butt being the butt of jokes. Why not? Indeed. Besides, I remembered Keith had moved away in 5th grade and would not even be there. So, I took the snaps. Except that I did not realize that Keith had moved back after I had moved away and that he did actually attend high school at Oskie. Oops.

Gentle reader, you know where this is heading, right?? Of course, he was there at the reunion.

Thank goodness, I have that wicked sense of humor because telling Keith the whole story was one of the funniest damned things I have done in a long, long time.

Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Am feeling the need to take a break. Last night, I actually pondered a post about how Anjali kept exclaiming she had one neck. As in, "I have ONE neck, Mama." And then, I was debating whether to talk about how when asked to count, she commences with "uno...dos...tres...." even through I have not taught her a lick of Spanish and how obviously, she is watching too much TV. In that vein, Arun is now officially obsessed with Bindi the Jungle Girl and insists he is Arun the Jungle Boy as he parades around our house with a notebook and pen speaking in narratorical tones "This is Vanessa. She is a jungle cat and eats cat food and this is her friend the jungle cat Harry. Vanessa likes to sleep at night and is afraid of dogs. We must be nice to jungle cats. They are our friends."

And then, I was going to talk about how the marketers have finally found me because I am getting pitches for garages sales sites and bottles of stuff that will clean my washing machine. Which completely squicks me out because dude - is my washing machine not already clean? Fear not, gentle reader, I am sparing you sponsored posts on those particular subjects. I will sell my soul for tacos, but not household products. I have standards.

And then, I was going to talk about how my husband worked in the basement yesterday but it did not help because he was still working in our house and little by little that mere fact is driving me slowly insane oh my god why can he not just leave the freaking house already I am supposed to be the stay-at-home parent here why the hell can I not just sit in the house day after day after day??

And then, I was going to talk about how much I enjoyed the first of the Spellman series - Izzy Spellman is smart like Sue Grafton's Kinsey Millhone but hilarious like Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum. I was going to rave about how I love how it is set in the TenderNob area of San Francisco, an area with which I am intimate because that is where we always stay while in town and I know the neighbhorhood like the back of my hand from hoofing the hills. I was also going to complain about how frockin' slow the 1st book in the Outlander series was but also about how quickly the 2nd in the series, Dragonfly in Amber, has gripped me. YUM.

And then, since I was on the subject of books, I was going to rave about how excited I am for Jennifer Weiner's new book, Best Friends Forever, is coming out and about how she is one of the few authors left who makes me feel the urge to purchase a book all sparkly and new-like as opposed to waiting for a dirty, grimy copy from the used bookstore. Still, I sorta wished she would have named this new book Love Ya Like A Sister.

And then, I was going to apologize for my snippy post yesterday about BlogHer and was going to promise my roommates that I am not planning on stalking them throughout the conference. And I would like to promise the entire conference that I will not be the dork sitting in the corner knitting away. Not too much. Anyway.

And then, I was going to bitch about toysellers on Amazon that sell toys for 2 to 3 times as much as what you can get the same damned toy elsewhere. About how I bought Anjali a wee dollhouse for $15 at Wal-mart- the same dollhouse selling for $30 on Amazon. Dude, that's just rude.

But then, I decided that would be entirely way too boring of a post and that I probably should take a day or two off from writing.

Who is your worst enemy?

A while back, we ripped out some major bushes. As in "20+ year old evergreens and bayberry bushes" - backbreaking work, but it was worth it. We removed 7 evergreens and 3 bayberry bushes. The problem is that after ripping out these bushes, we suddenly had wide expanses of raw dirt that needed to be landscaped - or something to that effect since my version of landscaping includes loose bricks and mulch. All of that raw dirt inspired hope. Hope that I would plant something interesting. Hope that I would drive to an actual plant nursery instead of veering through Lowe's after a trip to the grocery.

I planted some filler boxwoods in one portion of the landscaping and some ornamental grass in the other. Then, I went about the process of hoping. And I continued to hope. In fact, for well over a month, I hoped. In the meantime, that raw dirt sprouted weeds. Which began to flower. I can imagine the extent to which our neighbors were impressed with these botanical developments.

And then I realized something. Something I have suspected for years. I am my own worst enemy. Time after time after time, I create my own stress.....my own worries. I am not a yard person. I enjoying lounging in my yard, but not actually working in it. I was creating completely unrealistic expectations for myself that I would most likely not meet, yet I would surely flog myself for the failure to meet them.

So, yesterday. I veered into Lowe's and picked up three more boring boxwoods. Okay... Okay.. I love boxwoods, so it was not that painful. Yesterday afternoon, I planted them. And in the evening, I sat in my front yard watching my kids catch lightening bugs and playing with our new puppy.

I need to let go more often.

Git 'er Done
The Landscapin' Edition

Before. Part 1. This is an old picture and actually, this section was covered in weeds before I pulled them all yesterday.

Before. Part 2. Also, an old picture and also, covered in weeds until yesterday.

After. Obviously. (right? Please say "right".)
Stay tuned for Part 2.......

Gratuitous Puppy Snaps

Just like having a baby. And yes, we discuss her bowel movements and nap schedule. Awesome!

Isn't shutting a person up the same as shutting them down?

If we don't believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don't believe in it at all. ~Noam Chomsky

If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing. ~Kingsley Amis

---------------------------------
And no, that first quote is not directed to anyone in particular. I am just saying that I would no more tell Bill O'Reilly or Sean Hannity to shut the hell up than I would Andrew Sullivan or Jon Stewart (although, admittedly, I would love to tell Ann Coulter AND Rush Limbaugh to both shut the fuck up already because the word "despise" does not adequately even begin to describe the degree to which I feel about them.)

So, what is this all about? Last week, I was hesitant to write about a controversy that exploded between two bloggers (both gals with far larger audiences than I have.) I did end up writing about the controversy, but what resulted was a watered-down version of what I was really thinking....really feeling..... I am still dissatisfied with that post and will forever be unhappy with it because it does not truly reflect what I thought about the whole thing. I am also disheartened because I wrote the post and then? Received emails about it. In fact, I received more emails than comments. Why? Because folks were not comfortable talking about it in public and thus, having their name associated with it. A few folks were flat out scared to even have their names publicly associated with it.

With permission, I am quoting a friend from one her emails (I repeat, with her permission. I would never, ever post a quote from someone without receiving express consent!)

Anyway....in regard to her unwillingness to comment publicly on my blog (a little-known, little-read blog at that!) my friend said this:

"What does that say about the blogging community at large? That I'm afraid to comment on a post that you were hesitant to write? I don't believe that the majority of the blogging community are vindictive snipes. But it really only takes one or two to ruin it for someone, especially if that one or two has a following of 30,000 folks.

I'm not sure what my point is, only that I'm a little shaky after the thought that we are starting to become self censoring because we fear a backlash from folks we don't even know."

Is this in our heads? Am I the only one afraid to talk about potentially controversial topics that may or may not concern popular bloggers? It is sad, but some folks are nervous. And not necessarily about the bloggers themselves, but about their crazy fans. And some of those fans are ready to leap with teeth bared and talons unsheathed if anyone remotely disagrees with their beloved blogger or dares to hurt that blogger's feelings.

It seems that some of us are scared of those bloggers with a larger audience and perhaps, there is some validity in that. Piss off the wrong blogger and their legions of fans with virtual torches and buckets of tar will hunt you down.

Is it just me, or does it seem there is a group of bloggers with large audiences who can take unmitigated swipes at others with little to no consequence? Am I imagining this? Am I crazy?

Wait a moment. Don't answer that last one.

How far west can you travel before you are heading east?

Nearly 2 years ago, our dishwasher had a tiny leak that really pissed off our wood flooring. We had the offended flooring ripped out and lived with sub-flooring thereafter. While it was just a small section near our sink, it was unsightly. Then, last fall, our downstairs toilet began leaking. While I fixed the leak, I managed to break the mechanism inside. It turns out, this mechanism was pretty important in the grand scheme of flushing, which as you can imagine, it sort of important to the entire function and purpose of a toilet. Ahem. So, we have not had a downstairs toilet for awhile now. Which was not too bad because we are blessed with two additional toilets upstairs. However, it did mean that when folks came to visit they got a peek into the mayhem germinating in our rooms upstairs. Yikes o' rama. Finally, as all of this has been going, our back deck has slowly been coming apart at the seams. Literally. Last year, I had no desire to plant anything back there or even spend time back there because it was a constant reminder that the damned thing was slowly rotting away before our eyes. So, we hung out in the front yard like ostriches.

Last week, in one fell swoop, I got all of that fixed. New floor, new toilet innards (and seat!) and new deck stain.

Then? An amazing thing happened. I began clearing clutter from the yard and rearranging pots. I bought new seat covers for the chairs, a new cover for the grill. I pittered around the garage a bit. I cleaned out my car - even taking out the the kids' carseats and confronting The Nasty lurking underneath. I also did a myriad of other tasks that have been lingering on my Honey Do list for ages. I am feeling inspired to tackle even more tasks.

Obviously, the long-neglected broken items were a vast metaphor for other things going on in my life. Regardless, I am excited about finally getting a grip and getting some things done around here. I am tired of living amongst heaps of Things To Do. I am excited to finally get things cleared out. It will take awhile, but our neighborhood garage sale looms in April - an attainable goal.

Whoa. I am so ready to take on life again. It had best watch its back.


Reminder! Don't forget to enter the giveaways going on at my review site: Queen of the Free Bees. I am giving away a copy of the Rookie Mom's Handbook and a $25 gift certificate to Build-A-Bear. The deadline for leaving a comment is Midnight, February 14th.

Why do the fish not all die when lightning strikes the ocean?

I suspect Dr. Sears has never written about this particular hazard of co-sleeping:

At times, your husband will lose his grip on reality and cave irrevocably to your child's demands. When this happens, you will find yourself sleeping with a big frocking fish tucked in under the covers between you and your child. The most common breed of fish found in these situations is a rainbow trout, but there have been a few undocumented cases of catfish observed co-sleeping in the family bed.

Exhibit A: Big Frocking Fish

Notice the leering child, brimming with unabashed conquest and greed.

Alien Invasion

Not So Average Jane and her husband, waiting anxiously for the Monsters vs. Aliens trailer during the Super Bowl.

A Mouse in the House

I promise we do feed her. That is, if we are in the mood. And only if she is really, really good. Otherwise, yes, we do leave to forage for her damned self.

Are there time limits on the fortune you get inside your cookie?

First up, a random rant for you: I loathe videos on the Internet - I feel trapped within that specific period of time. I would rather read an article and glean what I want rather than be force fed. As such, I rarely ever click on video links. The worst for me is going out to a news site and clicking an interesting headline only to find out it is a frockin' video. If I wanted to watch videos on CNN or any of the other jillion newsites I visit daily, I would just turn on the damned TV. I use my computer for reading, not watching.

Anyway......awhile back I read an inspiring post titled The Absolute Beginner's Guide to Working Out. Joe the Peacock begins his article by pointing out that the guide could be boiled down to 5 simple bullets:

• You will not work out regularly and eat right until you care enough about yourself to take care of yourself. There are no shortcuts.
• To lose fat, you must burn more calories than you consume every single day.
• Although cardiovascular exercise (running, jogging, walking, skipping, the StairMaster, and others) are great ways to burn calories one day at a time, building muscle is the only way to raise your metabolism permanently. The more muscle you have, the more calories you burn 24/7.
• To build muscle, you must destroy and then rebuild muscle.
• Working out is not just for muscleheads and jocks. It's a special, devoted block of time each day for you to focus solely on yourself. You are worth it.

Oh sure, the article can be done in 5 bullet points, but I recommend reading the whole thing. The part that really got me was this:

Overall, the program I advocate is a combination of strength training and cardio training, at least five days a week.

Yes, five days a week. It sounds like a lot... But this is not about making an effort to change your life, then accidentally letting a 2 day break become a 3 day break, which becomes a 7 day break, which becomes "Ok, I'll start over next week..."

You need to change your life. Remeber, you WANT this. So... Five days a week. One day breaks AT MOST. Try to never, ever go more than two days without a workout. Even if that workout is a quick jog somewhere, or fifteen minutes of pushups and squats... Do something every single day.

Overall, I found the whole thing to be very informative and inspirational. And I have came upon my new goal - it is quite simple: "Do something at least 5 times a week." I have no excuses to not do Something - I have weights, I know how to do a multitude of floor exercises, I have exercise DVDs, X has a bike in the basement. All this in addition to the fact we have a membership to a lovely gym with an awesome nursery that the kids actually request to play in. So, even on days where we are running around, there is still no reason why I cannot take 20 minutes or so to do Something, right? Right! And when the the weather gets nice, there is absolutely no reason why I cannot at least take a 20-30 minute walk. Right? Right. So that is it.

For the past two months, I have been inconsistently active and going to the gym. For the past three weeks or so, I have been consistently active and going to the gym. I have felt better in the last few weeks, than I have felt in a long, long time. Coincidence? Duh.

What is your inspiration or advice for getting active and exercising??

How did the Twinkie get pregnant?

If you do not know the answer, boy oh boy, have you been missing out. Although, truth be known, I was really more of a Ho Ho kinda gal -- Ding Dings just never quite hit my sweet spot. But a Twinkie? A little piece of hydrogenated sponged heaven.

Where am I going with this?

*DeepBreath*

At the risk of alienating an entire geographic region from this wee site, I must confess that I am not a big fan of TastyKakes. I have tried. Oh my, how I have tried. Furthermore, Mojavi may ban me from her social circle now. But really - TastyKakes? The cakes are a bit dry and the creams are too sweet and not very flavorful. Little Debbie? For reals, that little harpie knows how to do cream fillings. And nothing matches Hostess in terms of moist cakes.

So, in conclusion, I do not like TastyKakes. I give up. I hope Hostess and Little Debbie will allow my wandering eye back into their good graces.

There. I said it.

Day 16: Is it Christmas yet?

I like gossip and snark as much as the next person. But when some anonymous chickenshit blogger uses their space to go all Judge Judy and poop hatred merely for the sheer purpose of pooping hatred. Well? That crosses the line for me. People suck, sometimes. Especially when such lilly-livered individuals target a good friend of mine.

So, to escape the hatred, I hung out on my spider messageboard all weekend. And then? Found myself embroiled in a minor controversy as to the number of crickets and method of how I feed my tarantula. Awesome! This coming on the heels of someone on Flickr leaving nasty comments about the size of Sofia's enclosure. So, for the first ever in my history of Flickrage, I had to block someone, then they began emailing asking if they could buy Sofia from me. I guess to save her? For reals?? It is not as if Sofia tries to make a break for it every time I open her cage. Sometimes, I swear she is wagging her spinnerets in glee. Okay, maybe not. But still - I wonder if PETA has glommed onto the 8-legged cause or what.

Okay. *breathes deeply* My happy place? My den of Zen? Is here, so I best be moving on.

On Friday, Chocolate Covered Susan and I went to the Union Station on Friday. The kids rode the historic Holiday Spirit train that used to be the Jones Store in downtown Kansas City. Then, we got to the see the huge model train extravaganza they have going on. It was so awesome that on our way back from Crown Center, we did all the train stuff again. I am even considering one more trip over there before the holidays end and it all goes away. The train ride was $3/person, the model train display was free. The train ride was cute because I thought Anjali was too little for it, but the minute she saw Arun get on board, she began straining against her stroller harness while exclaiming "Please! Please!".
Resistance? It be futile:

Riding the Holiday Spirit at Kansas City's Union Station from Kelli Oliver George on Vimeo.


After the train ride, we headed over to Crown Center. It just so happened that Santa was there and he was looking quite lonely (read: No lines!) so we squeezed in a quick chat with weirdie beardie while there. On cue, Arun asked for a toy snake for himself and a toy kitchen for his sister. Then all the kids played in the Crayola toyland thingie for awhile. It was such a great day - nothing fancy and not even very expensive.

The Most Perfect Picture Ever For a Christmas Card, No?

Too damned bad that I already used a far inferior picture for our card and said cards are already addressed. Officially, I SUCK.

Entralled

A Kansas City Icon, Made Entirely Out of Legos

The View? Stunning.
My snapshot of it? Not so much.

Oh, Santa Baby

Does a watched tarantula still molt?

On Tuesday, I discovered that Sofia was on her back. Squee! This meant that she was going to molt! The poor girl has been looking a little haggard these past few months and she was due for a new wardrobe.

You see, as a spider grows, they become too big for their britches. Literally. Therefore, they grow a new set under the current set. And then? They lay on their back and "push" the old set of threads off. It can take a few days or weeks, for the new skin to completely harden, as well. The entire process is actually very dangerous and is when the T is at its very weakest.

When I saw her on her back, I was concerned because she was near the bowl for the cricket food. I gently pulled the bowl out, but it spooked her and she rolled back and clambered up the side of her enclosure. *sigh* I am not still not sure if she is going to make it - if the new skin underneath hardens, it will stick to the old skin which will kill her. All I can hope for is that the molting process had not actually begun and that she was only in the position for it.

I think what has surprised me most is how stressed I have been about this. I mean, I knew that I liked Sofia and all that, but now I know how much I like her. She is an avicularia avicularia (common name: Common Pink Toe) which is a New World arboreal species that is known to be docile (rarely, rarely bites), but they do tend to be a tad skittish. Sofia? Is so laid back that I swear she is smoking weed when I am not looking. She is the Cheech of the avicularia set. Everyone always thinks their pets are the most special - I am no different, I suppose.

So, there. I admitted it. I like this creepy little monster dwelling on my fireplace and if she dies, I am going to cry.