January 4, 2010

Ringing in the New Year

House training our dog was a snap.  However, house training us was an entirely different matter.  Meaning, Manoj and I had no fucking clue what to do when it came to communicating to Lucy what her part in this little Waltz of Bodily Wastes was to be .  To her credit, once Manoj and I realized what we needed to be doing, Lucy jumped on board.  Willingly.

Early on, we hung a bell on the door knob.  When we would let her out, we would ring the bell.  And then, eventually, she got the idea. Awesome, right?

Oh, who the fuck am I kidding.  I did all the training in regard the bell.  Manoj thought the bell was stoopid and simply did not believe the dog would learn how to ring a bell.  Really?

Really.  That little bitch of a dog loves, LOVES her bell.  And no thanks to my sweet husband, but Lucy loves that bell with a vengence.

Now?  She cannot be stopped.  She rings the bell, does her thing, then comes and scratches at the door.

Lucy: It seems I need to pee. *RING* RING*
Lucy: Um, am bored now, folks.  Need back inside. *SCRATCH*SCRATCH* 

Lucy: Hey wait a goddamned second, is that a mouse?? *RING* RING*
Lucy: Nope, just a leaf. *SCRATCH*SCRATCH*

Lucy: Oops, forgot to poop.  *RING* RING*
Lucy: All done, Bitches.  It's cold our here.  *SCRATCH*SCRATCH*

Lucy: Let it SNOW!!  SNOW!! SNOW, I love SNOW. *RING* RING*
Lucy: Okay, am cold now.  Back inside. *SCRATCH*SCRATCH
Lucy: Seriously, Bitches, I am DONE.  It is cold out here.  BARK!!BARK!!

Lucy: Oops, forgot to poop. *RING* RING*

And on and on and on.  The part that will drive me to pull my hair out one by one is this:  Manoj is usually working right by the back door.  I can be deep down in the bowels of our basement and still hear the the bell ringing.  Take one guess as to who cannot hear it?

One guess.  No cheating.


Monkey McWearingChaps said...

OMG. Cageyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, you practice Elimination Communication with your dog.

This was the single best piece of knowledge to start off 2010. Thanks, dude!

Christine said...

You know what would help? Another dog. Then you can trade in the bell game for the famous "One dog out one dog in" cycle.

That is my professional opinion.

D. Jain said...

Haha, are you married to my husband? Because he is similarly deaf to the pleas of our two cats. Either that or he's saying spectacular Hindi abuses to them (about worms, and dogs, etc). ;-)

Melanie said...

thats hilarious, I thought I was the only one who had her doggie bell trained.....my dad told me and I quote "you idiots (or something along those lines LOL), now your dog rings a bell and you come?? who is training who?"

I still think its cute, and as she has gotten older, she has gotten less demanding with the bell.

Olivia said...

I wish I had trained my dog, Lucy, to ring a bell. Instead, she sits and stares at me. Not by the door mind you, could be anywhere in the house. It took me months to figure out why she was staring at me, and I still sometimes wonder what she is doing 9 years later.

I suggest everytime you let Lucy in/out, you then walk into Manoj's office and give him a little smack upside the head. He'll be trained to hear the bell in no time ;)