October 7, 2009

Paging Dr. Google.
Code Black!

What did hypochondriacs do in the good old days, before digital barbarism reared its ugly head clogged with 0s and 1s?   

It sucks when you get sick or have weird symptoms.  It is not as if Dr. Oz will come knocking at your doors with a tidy black bag chockful of instruments designed to inflict a variety of torture.  I am sure that privilege is reserved for America's Official BFF, the girlfriend of all of us.   Lordy no, the rest of us have to consult Dr. Google, that frightening dark overlord of medical mysteries.

Every time I get a cold, my sense of smell goes south.  Currently, it constantly feels as if I am smelling rancid, sour coffee.  Per usual, this will last for a few weeks, then I will be back to smelling the roses again.  Dr. Google informs me I probably suffer from parosmia.  There is no cure or treatment and I probably have a brain tumor, but it is probably benign.

So, yesterday,  I am at Pet World in Lawrence picking out new enclosures for the tarantulas (Sidenote: I have found myself with a Flickr troll from Italy proclaiming animal abuse for putting Sofia in such a small enclosure.  Of course, I am utterly frightened of trolls and always eager to do their bidding.)  After we purchased the  enclosures, we were hanging out at the store waiting for the 4pm tortoise feeding.  I noticed my nose was running - not a marathon, but a full sprint.  Odd, I thought (and disgusting!)  I put my finger on my lip and discovered I was bleeding. And I did not have any tissues.  Well, of course, I did not have any tissues becaue I am That Mother Who Never Has Tissues.  While trying to suppress full-on freak out mode, I strode through the store hissing at my little entourage to follow me.

I am not sure where I am going with any of this, except to say that at least Dr. Google accepts my current health plan.  So, there is that I suppose.  Good thing, because I am now quite certain that my brain tumor is malignant.

Dr. Google assured me it was so.


Caro said...

Or the air is getting dry now that it's colder out?

Cagey (Kelli Oliver George) said...

Who the hell do you think you are? Dr. Google? ;-)

Bethany said...

Lol! I was going to say what Caro said but I'm not Dr. Google either so I'll just keep my mouth shut!

Olivia said...

Eeek! A random nose bleed would freak me out. I don't think I've ever had one that just came running out.

Anonymous said...

I once asked a mother at a parade for a wipe since I had no tissues either. She looked at me like I was nuts, but gave me the wipe anyway.

Mojavi said...

ok am I the only one who doesn't like this post AT ALL... makes me really sad to think you might in some way be really worried... when are you going to the DR is what I want to know!!!! :(

caro said...

Hee. Yeah, I guess I am trying to play (the simpler, less alarming and ever so slightly less serious version of) Dr. Google. A thousand apologies. Carry on. Hope your brain tumor gets better soon. :) caro