Wasted.

I view most of the blogs I read as potential conversations and I like to comment on blogs that I delight in reading. However, simply because I enjoy a blog, it does not mean that I always agree with what is being written. It is a small part of the appreciation and thrill I get in reading posts that make me think and question and ponder.

And that includes discourse with which I disagree.

We often talk about wasting time on the Internet. We wax eloquent on attempting to achieve that magical balance of Real Life with this odd little life composed mostly inside a box containing circuitry and a connection to a veritable labyrinth of relationships. An Abstract Life that does bleed into Real Life.

An Abstract Life that is semi-anonymous. Sometimes. Sort of. Who is this Kelly character? Which Amy is it? Where is Kristen? How many are there of you out there -- Jen, Jenn, Jenny and Jennifer???

I chose the name "cagey" for very specific reasons. It was a word play on my initials KG and it also connoted something anonymous for me, as if I were being secretive. In a silly way, it was my attempt to poke at myself. It is a bit unusual of a name and if I want, I can often get it as a username on its own merits, with no numbers. I was very careful in this choice of "blogger" name because I wanted it to identify me. When I created Rancid Raves (another desperate lunge for a witty bon mot), I knew that I would be commenting frequently on other blogs in connection with this new Abstract Life I had just created for myself. Previously, I had commented under my own name "Kelli". However, I wanted my comments directly connected to this new life.

I do take commenting seriously - too seriously, perhaps? On some days, I spend just as much time commenting as I do reading. I see commenting as my way of interacting in this community. And I am careful when I write - I am conscientious of grammar, typos and the way I present my ideas. I try to be considerate of others when commenting. I do not always succeed. Sometimes, my comments convey the wrong point. Or, I am rushed and do not take the time to proofread. Or, I just completely miss the mark and simply bypass the point of the conversation or the tone of the other commenters. It happens.

Yes, silence can be golden. But let us get real, folks. Who expounds upon the virtues of the cricket chirping??

Exhale........

In the past few months, I have been smacked around three times for comments I have left on other sites. I take responsibility for part of each slap. Responsibility for the poor word choices that I made. But with each spanking, I am left speculating whether it is worth all of this wasted emotion. Is it worth getting distressed because someone chooses to take my own words and purposefully twist them?

It is worth it?

I dwell, all the while knowing the answer.