Bust a hump?

Not a single thing has happened this week that could manifest itself into an entire post. Therefore, I present a bunch of tidbits.

Stairs: I fell down the stairs again the other night. Sigh. I only fell a few steps and was shaken more than hurt, but it still freaks the shit out of me every time I do it. You see, we all have our little bits of paranoia and mine for years has been the damned stairs. Furthermore, this paranoia was given legs three years ago when a friend of my mom’s actually died from FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS. I kid you not. I have already fallen down the stairs TWICE in the New House and of course, this fear has only heightened since I became pregnant (could it be that I have read Gone with the Wind WAY too many times?). Nowadays, I am very careful to use BOTH railings when I go down the steps (particularly at night or in the morning) but using a railing doesn’t help much when you step OVER a step. Sigh.

New Baby: My cousin just had a baby and I am going to visit him tonight. For whatever reason, people love to shove a baby off on a pregnant woman so she can “get practice”. I seriously doubt merely holding a baby could provide ample training for motherhood, but I am just guessing here. Also, I have enacted a self-mandated Kid Free Zone around my periphery for the next 6 months and this visit will be in clear violation of that. Ah, well. Family is family, after all.

Horror Story: This story first appeared a few days before the tsumanis in December. I was initially horrified by it and was going to post about it, but then the tsunamis hit and well, the horror couldn’t compare to that of which was happening in Asia.. In short, a Marine died in combat in Iraq and his family was fighting with Yahoo to get access to his email account. You are my witnesses – my family doesn’t need access to my private correspondence. If they do need access to anything, I have already made sure they have it elsewhere. When I die, my Yahoo ID dies with me, folks.

Hypocrisy: Earlier this week, I prided myself on using the library for the most part these days. However, my guilty secret is that I will occasionally still go crazy at Borders. Borders for me is akin to a Weight Watcher crashing a bakery and this dieter went shopping for a cake the other evening. The visit itself was justified since I needed to buy a selection for one of my book clubs – the library simply wouldn’t have gotten the selection to me in time. However, I ended up purchasing more than the book in question. In addition to the actual book club selection (Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson), I also bought the new Laurie Notaro book. I was doing fine. Really. But then, I not only picked up another book, I actually started READING it, thus hammering THAT proverbial nail. The book? Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri. Ironically enough, Vikram Seth aside, I am not a huge fan of Indian authors – the books I have read in the past incorporated too much mysticism and superstition for my taste (an issue I sometimes have with many Latino and Chinese authors). However, I am willing to branch out more and reading just a few pages made me want to find out the ending.

Kids Part Deaux: When I apply for another job, please remind me of the Field Trip Factor. Unfortunately, Big Al is a place of attraction for school field trips. Nothing is more distressing than busting my hump uphill for two blocks to get to work on time only to stand in line behind slow-poke kids meandering through the metal detector. You would think the security officers would let the actual WORKERS cut in line in front of the kids, but NO.

Olive Branches: My manager gave me an odd peace offering in the form of DIAPER COUPONS. Like I needed a reminder that my days will soon enough be filled with poo and pee, but I guess it was the thought that counts. The thought? Hey, wait a second……..