Pink Floyd, The Dark Side of the Moon 1973
Note: I wrote this post and realized how darned melancholy it was (although, I did conclude with some silliness, at least) Yes, death is simply a part of life and it seems to have stacked up over the past few weeks. Plus, my friend in Vegas is always on my mind. But really, things are going GREAT right now overall and I will write about that next. Bear with me, please. I am just a narcissistic blogger, after all.
The other week, Gordon the gecko died. I am not quite sure what happened, I think I was doing everything right. I walked into Arun's room and immediately saw that something wasn't right because he was grotesquely twisted. And..... I will just stop there. I will never forget the look of utter devastation on Arun's face when Anjali blurted out the news before I could.
I realize these are the facts of life and that is how we went about it. I let him choose what to do with the body and we talked about the cycle of life. Everything dies. Everything. I cannot pretend otherwise. While I understand the need for other folks to believe in heaven, I was not tempted in the least to use that an explanation. It certainly would have been easier and even I was a little surprised with myself that I did not fall back on that. Quite simply, I was not comfortable with telling my kid something that I do not feel to be true. Arun is doing fine now and that is what matters to me the most in all of this.
A few weeks ago, one of my great-uncles decided not to live any longer and to give up the Good Fight. Hospice is involved and well, you all know what that means. My heart hurts for his daughter (because of generational overlaps, she is actually nearer to my age, even though she is a first cousin to my dad.) And I worry about my grandma - she is the oldest daughter, used to taking care of everyone. With every death of one her siblings, I see her light shine a little less.
Admittedly, this is usually a weird time of the year for me anyway. In several past Aprils over the years, just near or actually on my birthday (which is the 20th and my great-uncle's whose on the 16th), horrible things have happened. Don't misunderstand - I am not the "birthday girl" sorta gal, but I do believe birthdays should be relished and appreciated. I firmly believe it is a privilege to get older and this year will be my 40th of such celebrations. However, as I mentioned, terrible things happen around my birthday - Waco and the Oklahoma bombings (the 19th), Columbine (the 20th) and most recently, the VA Tech shootings on the April16th in 2007. The thing is, these events are talked about every April, obviously, not just the year they happened. It always strikes me in an odd place to celebrate my own life, while so many other have lost their own.
I cannot help but think about that, I guess. And let me stress - it is not about my "special" day being ruined. It is not that at all. But what has happened, is that I do start to turn inward at this time of year and I have realized during the past few years that I actually get a vague sense of foreboding. Like many folks, I have been pretty shaken by the utter devastation in Japan - I just have not known what to say that has not already been said. But that has certainly added to this weird sense. Miss Clio I am not, but still..... I wonder.....
I am not sure where I am going with this post, but I needed to get the weirdness out of my brain.
Last night, I saw brown sprinkles on the floor and thought "Where did these jimmies come from?" then I realized that the kids have not had anything to eat with chocolate sprinkles. Gentle Reader, you know what this means.
A mouse. In our house.
Conversely, Manoj is not in our house these days because he is out of town, which meant it was up to Arun and I to take care of Mouse The Situation. We tried to corner the furry guy and trap it using the very same method in which we save spiders. But the little bugger ran away and we could not find him. We went to bed, hopeful that he would not chew the house down in our sleep. Truly, time was of the essence because Detectives Lucy and Pearson were on the case, ready to crack it wide open. Actually, thanks to our trusty terrier, I located the mouse again. Underneath the cedar chest. The ridiculously heavy cedar chest. Arun stood poised with a duster thingie and I gingerly lifted the chest. I was so proud of Arun as he carefully guided the mouse into a corner.
Folks, it was really important to us that we save that little guy and release it back outside.
You understand this, right?