March 18, 2008
Who are you?
When I saw that train, I knew I absolutely had to purchase it for Arun.
You see, it is my maiden name.
Last year when I was pregnant and filling out some paperwork, I realized that I was okay with my married name. Not only that I was okay with it, but rather that I actually felt it was mine. I am K.G. (aka Cagey) now. That is me.
Then, last fall, for some inexplicble reason, I began using my full name - K.O.G. I am not sure why I did it - it was not a conscious decision, I just started using it. So now, when I am referring to myself when it is not in direct context to the kids, I use my full name.
When X and I were married, he was clear that he did not care which decision I made regarding a name change. To boot - his last name is actually his father's first name - many Catholics in India follow that tradition instead of a "family name". In addition, many, many Indian gals do not take their husband's names (changing visas and passports is a major heartache, so often, they do not mess with risking their visa status). So...... no biggie - I could keep my name, right?
Except that my parents are divorced and I hated it when my mom's last name was not the same as mine. Hated it. I really wanted my last name to be the same as my kids so the decision was a no-brainer for me. So, I changed my name sadly, but quite willingly for myself. End of story.
I do still miss my maiden name. And when I see a silly kid's toy emblazoned with it, it makes my heart go pitter-patter.