Pink Floyd, More 1969
Things that are/were broken or unusable in my home with accompanying explanation in parenthesis. Fixed items are in red.
3 out of 4 tires on my car (Please be advised that Special, Fancy Vehicles require Special, Fancy Tires at a Special, Fancy Price that will make your Special, Fancy Husband grumble louder than a Kardashian using public transportation)
Right-side of the garage (broken springs)
Left-side of the garage (blocked by so much junk you would think we were hoarders, except for the fact our basement has plenty of storage space and we even have a 4th bedroom that is unused. Which is worse? Hoarding or laziness? Wait. Don't answer. Although to be fair, the lawnmower and the 10,000 bicycles we own do not belong in the basement, right?)
Downstairs guest bathroom door does not stay shut. (Believe me, our friends and family really appreciate this game of chance fondly known as "Peeping Tom" in our home.)
Upstairs guest bathroom toilet. (Thank your Favorite Deity that it was a Clean Flush which discovered the problem, so the mess was minimal.)
Upstairs master bathroom toilet. (Again, another Clean Flush! Perhaps, I should rethink my views on the powers of higher beings?)
Upstairs shower (It leaked into the kitchen over a year ago and we simply stopped using it. Problem solved! Oh the joys of 1st World problems that include multiple bathrooms for a 4 member family.)
Ice maker refuses to spit out ice. (Another 1st World Problem, FTW! Woe is me, having to get my delicate digits WET while filling those dastardly ice cube trays. However, my father, The King of Ice Cube Trays, would be proud (A brief sidenote on that post, my dad and step-mom are moving and I insist they take the creepy cake with them.)
The power steering thingie in my car is leaking fluid/making noise. (The explanation for this is quite obvious. We paid off the Special,Fancy Vehicle just last month.)
My 3.5 year old computer. (It's slower than my grandma in a rainstorm. It takes 15-20 minutes to boot up and I have a small fan running constantly on it to keep it from over-heating. Often, when I am typing, it will freeze and I will have to wait for what I just typed to appear s...l....o...w..l...y, letter....by......frocking....letter to magically appear! on! the! screen! It needs to be rebuilt, but since I am an Over-Privileged American White Girl, we will probably buy a new one in the next few months)
The gate to our backyard. (To be fair, this has pretty much been falling apart since we moved in 6 years ago. However, the gate held no importance until we got a goddamned DOG. Now, we prop the gate closed with a wheelbarrow. 'Tis very classy of us, I KNOW.)
The noses of Team Chaos (Note: they are not broken, they are constantly streaming mucus, which in effect, renders them unusable)
My brain (It is yet to be determined whether my brain is broken or just unusable. I will leave that to you to decide.)
Come on - is there anything better than some puerile sniveling from an Over-Privileged American White Girl living in the suburbs?