Mama, do you know why I look sad? Because I miss Daddy. - Anjali
I had expected the kids to be crying a lot more. Or to be verbally expressing how much they miss Manoj. Instead, I am getting quirky behavior from Arun. A little more defiance, less impulse-control, more whining, less smiles. Many evenings, he will say something like "I am hungry, but Daddy isn't here and you won't get me food." Now, trust me, gentle reader, I do get him food. But I think the statement is a telling one nonetheless. And Anjali periodically points to the clock and insists that "Daddy is coming home at 3 o'clock, Mama. 3 O'CLOCK."
And we continue on - me trying to keep up with work (and credit card fraud. FUN) all while trying to distract them from Manoj's absence.
So, yes. Overall, there has not been much fuss with them, nothing overt. Until I realized this morning a reason why this might be the case. I have not been discussing Manoj much for fear of "reminding" them of his absence. This morning, I understood what a deliriously idiotic thing I had done - as if my children would forget their daddy is gone. My chest hurts and I feel such a failure right now. What can I do now? Well, for starters, I can begin to talk about Manoj more and gently prod them to do so as well. And we can start making our "Welcome Home" signs for the airports and while we are at it, make some signs for the house, too. Maybe, just maybe, while we are coloring, cutting and pasting, we can talk. A little.
I suppose, I think children are such simple creatures and would have simply just told me what was swirling around in their little melons, but no. That would have been too easy.
And so, we keep going on.
For all that I do not like about being a WAHM, I do like this - my job is so positive. All day long, I see thoughtful, loving messages being sent along with gift cards. Silly messages from children to parents on their anniversaries. Loving messages from parents who simply miss their child who is far away in college and might appreciate a few tacos or some much-needed coffee. Little messages that give a pal a gentle ribbing about the Broncos losing while settling a friendly wager. Heartfelt messages along with gas cards, restaurant cards and drugstores to a family who is busy running to hospitals and doctors as they care for a very sick child. I am so proud of my husband for creating something that makes it a bit easier for folks to be thoughtful and loving towards each other.
All last week long, I saw those messages amongst strangers.. And I saw your messages to me. The emails, texts, voicemails, blog comments, Twitter replies and Facebook comments
Thank you. My heart grew 3 sizes last week.