I remember reading during my pregnancy that all the Wise Baby Tomes solemnly preached that "baby needs a routine otherwise, his eternal soul will grow moldy" or something to that effect, anyway. While it would be easy to blame all the Travel for the lack of Routine around our house, the truth? Most of our Routine begins and ends with whine of the coffee grinder. Arun doesn't even flinch as I blearily fumble around for the button, at least I count to 3 to give warning. Perhaps, Deafness at this point? Anyway, the lack of Routine is partly Arun's fault - He Who Naps in 45 Minute Increments makes it difficult to plan activities consistently. And the Activities? Must be planned or BOTH of us will go Apeshit With Boredom. Think I am kidding? He gets pretty fucking cranky when Cabin Bound which does no small service for MY mood, either.
SO, I am starting to feel remiss in my Mothering Duties because we have No Routine. I am not entirely convinced that one is needed and I am not even sure where to being in establishing one. So, last week, keeping in mind that I would gladly ohsweetJESUS plan my entire life including menstrual cycle around a Nap, I went about trying to determine some sort of routine for us. To disasterous effect. I attempted to stay home as much as possible, not planning any "big, all-day outings" so that I could see, just out of curiousity, perhaps, or maybe what his schedule might be.
First, I thought I would try to make breakfast. I am not a Breakfast Person. I am a Coffee Person. But I gave the June Cleaver route a whirl by making toast, then putting out some Cheerios, yogurt, and fruit. And we ate it properly at the kitchen table (as opposed to me sitting on the floor by the coffee table per usual for most of our meals)......Bah....... Eating breakfast made me SICK. Like, seriously, I felt queasy eating so early in the day.
Second, we basically can't leave the house before 11:00am. He consistently takes a morning nap, but never, EVER at the same time. Therefore, it is best to make NO plans until 11:00. Then, whenever he DOES wake up, I have a scant 2.5 - 3 hours in which to do anything before the Rounds of Incremental Naps begin. Then, we come home and the Rounds o' Naps begin. Such as.......Put Arun down for 45 minutes, scurry like a rat getting things done, Arun wakes up, entertain Arun for maybe an hour or so, put Arun down for ANOTHER 45 minutes, scurry like a rat, and go round and round and round ......
Third, 8:00 PM arrives and I put Arun in his crib and begin the Waiting. If X is in town, thus begins the Parental Tug o' War we have going on. I am NOT an advocate of Crying It Out and am vehemently against it*, but I am totally comfortable letting Arun fuss for 45-60 minutes if need be after which, he usually goes to sleep. X, on the other hand? Can't let his son cry for ONE minute. Great balls of fire, not a single tear shall be shed. So, last week was stressful. This week? Since X left for the "real world of Virginia" last night, I am hoping to work on the night situation.
I tried, people. I really tried........ Since I was trying to figure out what Arun Would Like To Do, I even went super easy on planning much of anything last week. Which meant, by the end of the week, I was going slightly stir-crazy and was even more behind in my Social Obligations. See, here's the thing. I read all these SAHM blogs where the moms feel alone, isolated, bored or whatever. I feel the complete opposite. I have so many things to do and so many people to see, I get very stressed out about it. Not knowing what the nap situation is doesn't help, particularly when I am driving to Kansas City, Leavenworth and Lawrence - I need to account for drive times when meeting with folks. Not having a 2-3 hour block of Nappage doesn't help.
I don't know what the answer is. Fuck, I don't even know the question. I guess I just needed to vent.
The End.
*There is reliable brain research out there regarding this upon which I have based my opinion. But I don't want to argue or debate. Every parent has to do what he/she is comfortable doing.
NOTE:
I wrote all of that Rant this afternoon, as I was attempting to get Arun to take Nap #3. I gave up on said Nap, we went to see my Friend A who FINALLY gave birth after like a month of hard labor which still resulted in a c-section, poor thing. Her incredibly sweet mother-in-law gave Arun an Apple. Like, handed him an APPLE, whereupon he immediately tried to gnaw on it unsuccessfully with his total of TWO Teeth. We were laughing and I whispered quickly to A, "This MUST go on the blog. Can I? pleaseohplease?" After visiting A, Arun and I went to the park and had a lovely time. Then, we had a bath where I had to drag him out when the water got cold and his feet were getting prune-ish.
Damn. Life IS good. What am I bitching about?
Space Cowbaby
Yo!Baby! You're just a YoBaby.
8 comments:
Reading your rant made me feel so much better. Don't let the lack of routine diminish your self-confidence as a mother! My darling little A. and I spend a LOT of time at home waiting, and waiting, and waiting for her to get tired enough for a nap. It NEVER happens at the same time two days in a row. And never for the same length of time. UGH! Making plans is a nightmare because I always seem to incorrectly predict when her nap will be. Then we show up somewhere cranky and pulling everyone else's hair...
He is so cute! I have the same highchair.
The closest thing Daniel has to a routine is that the sun rises, the sun sets. He wakes up when I do, or wakes me up when he wakes up, none of which occur at a consistent time, therefore The Napping, which theoretically follows approximately two hours after The Waking, occurs at different times of the day. On the days that I set the alarm for a certain time so that a nap can be had before we need to be somewhere, he'll confound my plans by either a) napping three hours after waking, giving me the choice of either waking him up in order to meet what ever deadline I've so scrupulously planned (plans? ha!) for, or canning the idea of going out at a particular time in favor of ambling out once the boy has woken up, or b) not napping, which gives me the choice of going out at the appointed time to the appointed location and risk having him hit terminal velocity in a public venue, or canning the idea of going out at a particular time in favor of having him hit terminal velocity in the privacy of our own home.
I'm guilt ridden at the notion of not having a routine, then the defiant non conformist in me thinks that the No Routine state is a more natural one, as the child's day is defined by his emotional needs at that time. My non conformist self rationalises that there were no therapists dealing with mental health issues in ancient times, nor were there any routines, and figures that can't be a coincidence. Then my guilt ridden self ruins tha party by rationalising that my non conformist self is full of shit.
In short, and this may or may not be my non conformist self talking, if babies were meant to adhere to such strict schedules, they'd have been born with a clipboard tucked under one arm and carrying a stopwatch, neither of which I've spotted in any of the pics of Arun (who, as an aside, is so utterly adorable) that put here on your blog, so cagey? You're doing fine, kiddo. That last bit was brought to you by my rational, sane self, and if my rational, sane self thinks you're doing a fine job of this raising a child gig, then you must be because that self knows its shit.
That particular self also denies any responsibility for this overly long comment.
Susan,
I've been witness to the Hair Pulling and it was not nearly as tramautic as you thought. ;-)
Jenny,
Thanks! I swear by the highchair - he's been using it since he was 5 weeks old. Worth the Entertainment Mileage alone. Food? Bah.
Aibee,
That was the most irrational comment I have ever received. THANK YOU. I needed it. (Hugs!)
Dude, having like zero experience with kids I'm going to go with aibee's sentiments that if babies were meant to adhere to strict schedules, one would have emanated from our wombs along with our squalling infants.
I say if getting out of the house and having fun is your thing then do it! What's the point of getting an onset of the moody blues because someone's publisher felt comfortable enough binding together some pieces of paper?
Not that Indians are right about anything but both X and I are the products of Indian rearing-which includes co-sleeping, fish-eating, "spoiling" your child by responding to their every wheeze but occasional ignoring, and so on and so forth. And we're okay, right? Okay, X for sure, me, MAYBE. I am positive you're doing a good job with that little tyke.
By the way, olive-green and khaki are TOTALLY his colours.
Monkey,
Yeah, I guess X is okay. Sorta. You? Not so sure about. :-)
Khaki is his color? I guess I see the Military in his future?
Or a future as a Banana Republic model-come-CPA.
You know, I'm thinking back...maybe he's ready to start dropping to two naps? Just my assvice. Or you could make him drop to two naps...I've abandoned my Type A plan-the-milestones personality for a "what the hell, you'll sleep when you're dead" school of thought.
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