December 7, 2005

Now, where did I leave my brain?

It's true - when you give birth, you lose some brain cells in the process. Somedays, I can't believe how stupid I have become and it's downright frightening that I am in charge of ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. So, in lieu of actually composing an entire post of something intellient or meaningful, this mangled mess of gray matter instead presents some Rancid Randomness:

Heir to the Hair: My God, the HAIR. At least the kid comes by it honestly - I had a full head of hair myself as a baby. But can we talk? It’s getting out of control. For one, it's downright sad when he grabs his OWN hair and then shrieks because his grasping reflex is in full swing, yet he hasn't quite developed the ability to UNgrasp. It’s funny as hell, which goes to show just how low my humor can go. Also, I giggle at the fact that I can pull MY OWN hair brush out in a jiffy when the monkey needs to be groomed. The saddest part of all this follicle madness? Somedays, I spend more time on HIS hair than MINE.

Intelligent Design, My Ass: The opposable thumb is completely under-rated and I can’t wait til my own little DNA sample discovers HIS. He doesn’t like pacifiers, yet desperately needs to suck SOMETHING. He tries feverishly to suck his hand, to no avail. When the monkey finds that thumb, all will be right with the world - his AND mine.

Gingerly Navigating a Gingerbread Exhibit: The kid was rapidly approaching Feeding Time as we strolled quickly through a VERY COOL gingerbread exhibit in Lawrence at the Eldridge Hotel. Unfortunately, I am NOT so cool. I kept trying to hold the squalling kid with one hand while pushing the stroller with the other. However, this is not easily accomplished when you are a complete MORON and don't realize the swivel lock on the left front wheel is LOCKED and instead you think the stroller is a cheap piece of crap when actually YOU are the cheap piece of crap for being so stupid and looking retarded as you nearly knock several exhibits over.

A High Stakes Roller: We have recently discovered the magic of the High Chair. At this point, the kid needs to be entertained in increments of 15 minutes or less. This necessitated us finding varying environments for us to put him into. In desperation, I brought up the high chair from the basement, shooed away any lingering arachnids and plopped the kid into it. He LOVES it - it sits him up higher with us, at the table. As an added bonus, the thing has WHEELS. His little bug eyes just about popped out of his head the first time we cruised him across the kitchen. I can report that fun was had by all.

Just More Proof the Kid is a Genius: He rolled over onto his stomach the other night- freaky! I had turned around to do something, when I looked back, the kid was on his stomach asleep. Although I was harboring hopes the kid was advanced, I think it was a fluke because he hasn’t done it since. I have quietly put away the applications to Harvard, but they are still within easy reach JUST IN CASE.

My Bring Your Trash Christmas Bash: My White Elephant Christmas party was a success - in my opinion. It was indeed very small - only about 15 folks or so, but it ended up being perfect. Because it was so small, I wasn’t stressed out while preparing food and cleaning the house. Also, I was able to to spend time with everyone who showed up, as opposed to doing the Flight of the Bumblebee, trying to play hostess. Hopefully next year, I will have regained some of my lost brain cells, and I will remember to invite the entire guest list.

Trolling for Strollers: I went to an area mall yesterday with one of the gals with whom I used to do Raku - her daughter is almost 6 months old. However, she and I are NOT shoppers. Furthermore, while I am the first to admit that I am pretty suburban, Raku Gal is NOT - she lives in a very cool Kansas City MO urban area. But it is winter and to the mall we must go if we are going to walk about with the kids. So, while it felt icky to be doing something so droll and “mommy-ish”, the day was just lovely. We walked around for 5 hours, catching up on our lives and comparing baby notes. Raku Gal’s approach to mothering is very laidback and relaxed, so I look forward to spending more time with her and taking notes since she is ahead of me in the game. When the weather gets nicer, we will of course eschew the mall in search for better venues - the zoo or some parks.

Buns of Steel: It is a testament not only to Huggies, but also to my son's hardy cheeks that he doesn't have a raging diaper rash. In my latest fit of Neglectful Mothering, I forgot to change his diaper - he went from about 4am to 12pm with the same old diaper. Let's just say it put new meaning into the word "loaded". Luckily, there was no leakage. In my defense, he WAS sleeping when I realized after his 8:30 feeding that he needed a change - I am a devout believer in the old adage about waking sleeping babies.

And Finally - the obligatory Simian Snaps:

Worn out from the wild ride around the kitchen.

This is what happens when wet hair is left unstyled.
As you can see, he's really bothered by it.

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