How stupid am I?

Oh so very...............

I like to joke that not only did I give birth to a baby, but also to my brains. Tonight only proved how unfunny that statment is.

X missed his flight earlier this evening, thus ensuring he won’t be home until tomorrow. To cheer myself up, I thought I would light a fire via Duraflame, snuggle in with monkeyboy and watch a Christmas movie or two. Right away, I noticed the Duraflame didn’t burn as it should have, but I didn’t give it much thought at the time. This was at 5:30pmish. By nearly 10:30pmish, I was concerned - the logs usually only last 4 hours at the VERY MAX. I wanted to go to bed, but I don’t like going to sleep with anything left burning in the fireplace Fire scares the holy crap outta me, which of course, is precisely why I love it so. Anyway, since I’m not only a CPA, but also the proud owner of a Master’s degree, I decided with the infinite wisdom conferred upon me by my local state university that I would poke the damned thing apart to its death.

HUGE MISTAKE.

All the pieces roared to life creating a situation that Eddie Murphy’s Uncle Gus would have been impressed with. I wasn’t exactly panicking, but I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the situation. I didn’t want to tie up 911 phonelines, so I pulled out my phone book to look up the fire department’s number. Believe it or not, they were not listed in the F’s, as you would expect. In fact, they weren’t listed ANYWHERE. I gave up, called 911, apologized profusely for calling on a non-emergency and was transferred to the fire department. 5 minutes later a big ass fire truck pulls up to the house - at least they did NOT come with sirens wailing. Anyway, the guys came in to assess the situation and they quickly determined I was not in any imminent danger (at least not from fire. Mere Stupidity is not their area of expertise, apparently). So, while resisting to urge the question the validity of several “Rescue Me” plotlines, I watched the firemen poke and prod the fire until it died to a reasonable level. Then, amazingly they left me alone with monkeyboy. Meaning, after I displayed such a gross error in judgement, they left me IN CHARGE OF A TEENY TINY BABY.

Good grief.