June 24, 2010

Last I saw, McDonald's did not give birth.

I do have a post in draft.  A delectable post about actual stuff about me and my fabulous life here in the sweltering suburbs of Kansas City.  Which is why my legions of adoring readers flock to come here, no?  All 3 of you! It is the drama, is it not?  The suspense?  It draws you in, every time.  Although, I would think the fact that I live in Kansas would mute the Titillation Factor somewhat, when all 3 of you still keep clicking over.  Thanks!  I salute you.  

However!  I had to comment on the McDonald's Deep Pockets Lawsuit.  It seems, someone is suing McDonald's  for the unforgivable crime of selling toys that lure kids into its heinous, greasy grasp (Totally Tangential! A fun Huffington post link for you!  Yes, I have been sneered at in the past for reading Huffington Post.  I know, I totally suck! Come to think of it, I seem to remember the same person who sneered at me for reading the Huffington Post had zero issues trucking her herd of progeny into McDonald's. So maybe we have a common ground now?   *Meow*  Where is my ball of yarn and box of sand?)

So!  Kids are getting fat because McDonald's sells toys in its Happy Meals.  Someone get the fucking smelling salts.  Stat.

Yes! I love McDonald's cheeseburgers.  I do.  Seriously.  I like mine plain with no ketchup (the devil's blood!)  Although to be fair, McDonald's are my #2 favorite cheeseburger (Just after Five Guys who do not offer toys.  Those bastards. However, they do offer jalapenos.  Hence, the grand distinction of #1 in Kelli's Universe of Cheeseburgers)  Yes...yes... Team Chaos has had a few cheeseburgers from McDonald's.  There.  I just admitted that out loud, in writing.  Go ahead, pelt me with fresh grains, greens and fruits.  I deserve it.

But! Since we are a No Beef, No Pork Household, I have scant remorse about stuffing my kids with a cheeseburger every now and then. They get a cheeseburger and a cup of water.  And a toy.  And truthfully?  They get far more toys than cheeseburgers.   And that?  Is my particular beef with all this mess.  (Yes, I just used a horrible beefy pun. Get over it.)   Some jerkwad numbnuts wants to blame his porky progeny on the fact that a plastic novelty was included with his kid's Happy Meal.  Ultimately, this asshole is simply ruining it for the rest of us who like to just purchase those trinkets without the benefit of the Happy Meal .

You see, that is the secret, folks:
You do NOT have to purchase a Happy Meal to get the toy.  
It can be purchased separately for usually just $1 a piece.

Tell your friends.  Tell your neighbors.  Shout it from the rooftops.

When we do McDonald's, it runs down like this for my kids:  2 cheeseburgers (no ketchup), 3 cups of water, 2 toys (1 girl toy, 1 boy toy).

The end.  My kids do not need chocolate milk and we have regular milk at home. They do not need the nasty apples soaked in absorbic acid cancerkillingsourbittercrap.  They do not need fries.  They do not need apple juice.  They eat their cheeseburger, they play with their toy. The end.

I have to confess that some of the toys are actually worth purchasing separately - The Madame Alexander Wizard of Oz toys, the Barbie toys, the Polly Pockets.  In fact, we still play with telescopes from the Pirates of the Caribbean promotion in 2006 - the lights still work and the kids were hunting treasure just last week with them.  Arg, matey!

Besides, I am doing my very best to protect them from Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.  A few folks have aptly pointed out that loads of crap food is being marketed to our children - sans toys even, our children still get the message that something might be tasty when they see their favorite cartoon character emblazoned on the packaging of artificially-colored, over-sweetend cereal and "fruit" snacks that contain not an iota of real fruit. 

The world cannot be saved in a day, folks.

Okay.  Rant over. I need to sign off and scrounge up some Drano to clear out Arun and Anjali's arteries. After all, I would like it if they lived to see Kindergarten.

Keep your eye on the prize, Grasshopper.


Mamma Sarah said...

I so can't belive the nerve of some people clogging the justice system with this garbage. We all make choices, yes some good and some bad... but man.

I too have taken my kids to McD's but we eat plain hamburgers. Fries have milk in them, the apple dippers are processed, milk well again can't have it... and the toys... well we just haven't gotten to that point, but I have purchased said "kids" toy for MY enjoyment. UGH!

Got a good chuckle from the sly remarks you made... glad I'm one of 3 readers. :-)

Amanda said...

Don't forget that your Huffington Post mocker also posts "healthy" recipes on Facebook to help us all out with what healthy meal to have for dinner. I gotta go before I start choking on a hairball. Great post.

cdobrev said...

I listened to an NPR story on this (and they interviewed someone who actually wanted to regulate all toys and marketing to children re food) grinding my teeth. Seriously? Be a parent and tell your kid no. Toys in sugar cereal were common when I was growing up and yet I never got to have them. Not once. I survived it and still talk to my parents and everything.

kreed said...

I can't believe you read the Huffington Post. I would spend more time mocking, berating and criticizing you for it, but it is dinnertime and I need to leave to go to McDonalds. Where I will buy my kids Happy Meals. With french fries.

That is all.

kreed said...

Actually, of course that is not all. I can always get on a soapbox - especially on this topic.

I spend lots of time reading "food" books - all about meat packing, fast food creation and marketing, the organic movement, government reg of food, etc. And I am thoroughly disgusted by the deception and disregard for health that is involved when it comes to the food industry. HOWEVER, last time I went into good old Mickey D's for a quarter pounder and fries and a couple of happy meals for the kids I did NOT see anyone being dragged in there at gunpoint and being forced to eat the food. I think it is a different case all together when you start talking about what is being served in school cafeterias and the kids don't really have a choice ( and before anyone jumps all over me, I realize your third grader can choose broccoli instead of french fries when they go through the lunch line, but how many kids have that kind of restraint? PARENTS have to DRIVE the kids to McDonald's and CHOOSE to feed them the food there). Choices, people, choices. Be informed and choose to go to McDonald's if you wish, but don't pretend the evil corporations MADE your car go there. really.

Jen said...

Hey, just cause I use a reader and don't have to click to look for posts doesn't mean I don't show up every time there is one! (Did you work your way through all the negatives in that sentence? Not sure I did. Ooh, another one.)

With my older two, we used to go to Boston Market from time to time and they didn't offer milk as an option yet, but included a "drink" with the kids meal. My lucky children had water with their meal and then, they could have their "dessert drink" in the form of about an inch of root beer in their cup -- ooh! aah!

I loved having little kids who could be led to believe that was truly an exciting experience. They do get wiser as they get older, though we don't shell out for soda other than on VERY special eating out occasions still.

Average Jane said...

Hey, I dip apple slices in ascorbic acid. I'll take all the Vitamin C I can get (and it keeps them from getting brown).

Amanda said...

I don't mind buying the milk, apples, or even a happy meal with fries on occasion, because I'm at McD's for the convenience of someone else making food. However, we've been overrun with toys around here. So, the last time we went, I made the kids order off the dollar menu, I got a meal and we split the fries and shared the soda, after a democratic vote on which soda to share. Plus the last time we got a happy meal with toys the kids hated the Avatars, and the dragons didn't fly (though it was a great movie). After them being uninterested in the toys, the Redbox grabbed their attention, and I ended up writing down titles of movies I never heard of to check out from the library. We may be eating junk there, but I'm not spending even a dollar on a movie. Yep, choices and priorities.

Goofy Girl said...

Parents can always say "No!" to their kids. Some need to try it more often. Most of these ridiculous lawsuits would disappear. And not just the food-related ones either.

I fight the good fight for nutrition, but I must confess that we hit McDonald's more than I'd like. It's damn HARD to find a fast, nutritious meal when you don't have time to stop at home and grab a sammich. I also must confess that I RARELY eat there myself. I just can't stomach it. I'd rather save my hamburger craving for a Blanc burger. (like that is a healthy choice... hahahaha)

I must also confess that I did NOT know you could just buy the toy. Good tip!