June 22, 2005

What have I learned?

Yesterday was my 2 year anniversary with X. Yet again, we were in separate time zones for our anniversary, although this time I was the one in the Pacific zone and HE was the one in the East Coast zone. Hopefully, next year we will be able to finally celebrate the occasion together. We are planning a last Kid Free trip to Vegas next week, so really, I can’t grouse too much because after all, we do need to pay for the trip (my craps tab).

Anyway, when I think of how far we have come in 2 years, it is crazy how much has happened in so little time. The first year of marriage was so freakin’ hard! We didn’t live together before marriage, so it was quite a shock to our systems when we first lived together. Like, I had to COMPROMISE and SHARE which is just really not conducive to my personality. It’s a good thing that X is so calm and relaxed about most things. For the most part, he just lets me have my way, so that makes it easier for the occasions that I do compromise (give in). Would I still do it all over again (the not living together before marriage?) Yes. Definitely yes. Not living together created a clear demarcation for us. When we started living together, we were married and that was IT. There was no option of moving out, taking a break, or anything like that. In fact, one of my first impressions was the shock that after a fight, X had to stay - he couldn’t go back to HIS place. It forced me to WORK IT OUT and not be a big whiner. It also made me realize that fighting is usually a waste of energy and that getting along is so much easier (WHO KNEW THIS AND WHY WHERE THEY KEEPING IT A SECRET??). Given my personality, not living together before marriage really was the best situation for me. Now, it may seem that I have taken the responsibility for much of this arguing upon myself but truth be known, many of the disagreements are probably instigated by me.* X is very easy-going. Thankfully, X’’s mother was quite the feisty thing so he was well-trained for a wife like me.

Fortunately, the 2nd year was much better than the first, that’s for sure. We have hit a level of mellow expectations and are better at communicating. I think one of the #1 things that we practice is just common courtesy. Saying “please” and “thank you” can make all the difference. Also, I score a million more requests by asking ahead of time (POLITELY) and understanding that nagging really gets me nothing but an unhappy henpecked husband. Is it all roses? GOD no. But I have learned that it so freakin’ easy to get into an unhealthy mode of bickering and nitpicking – particularly if we are both stressed or sick. It is scary how quickly it can grow into an entire weekend full of nothing fun. I can understand how this mode of communication can easily grow into a Marriage of No Fun.

Finally, it sounds trite to say that “marriage takes work”, but it is true. It is far too easy to take for the granted the one person that I see the most and am closest to. I just try to keep an eye on the big picture and be happy that I got such a great husband. Score!

*This admission by me will never be known by X - that’s what he gets for not reading my blog, right? HA!

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