My father in law died over the weekend. The situation is really bad and quite shocking. Additionally, it is always difficult to explain how surreal an overseas death is. I have a flurry of thoughts on this, none of which I can express. Sure, it is my blog, but it is not my father. This week is crazy as Manoj prepares for his trip to India and I prepare to be a single parent for awhile.
These are the times when I am so grateful to have small children. Yesterday, we took the kids to a nearby Bass Pro and watched them revel in the simplicity that is fish swimming in water. Not only do children provide for much-needed distractions, but they help adults keep things in perspective. We certainly need that right now.
I will not be posting for awhile, but when I come back I will return to pithy, puerile posting. This will probably be the last time I mention this because this is not my story to tell..
Please, keep us in your thoughts.
January 25, 2010
January 21, 2010
In Accordance With GAPP
Please note! Important! I like my crow served warm, with a dash of Cholula sauce.
Mostly, I try to parent in accordance with GAPP. You know, the Generally Accepted Parenting Principles. The ones that dictate you don't let your kid suck on lead pipes (or tail pipes, for that matter.) The ones that require at least 20 minutes per day of book reading or junior will have a brain equivalent to oatmeal. The ones that require eating vegetables. The ones that require choices and consequences (not rules and punishments**.) The ones that require your child do a variety of well-rounded activities (music! sports! art!), but not too many activities lest your precious snowflake become overscheduled. The horrors. So, like most parents, I attempt to do my best. I am quite certain I will never figure out this parenting gig while my own children are around, but am quite confident I will get it right for when they have children, so that I can become That Grandmother Who Knoweth All. Because everyone loves That Grandmother, right? .
Anyway. I think I fail spectacularly in the Parenting Activities Standards Board (PASB) 242 - Grooming of of Self-Esteem. The other day I was talking with Monkey Dearest* about PASB 242:
After I sent the email, I thought that perhaps, I was too harsh. Maybe I should try to nurture my little budding gamer more. But then I realized that if my little guy ends up with self-esteem issues because I failed to let him succeed at some stupid games, then his problem will not be merely self-esteem. And no, I don't always kill Arun on purpose. And sometimes, just sometimes, I will point out the Sparkly Ginormous Coin is there for him to get. I also noticed that once I quit helping him over a particular hurdle and just let him die, that he actually figured out how to navigate the hurdle himself. Sure, there was whining, but I was too busy stomping zombie turtles to hear it anyway.
Truthfully, the look on his face when he does win and his little character gets the crown is a great expression. He earned that crown.
And he knows it.
* YES, I am a big believer in the fact that folks without children can have valid points about parenting. After all, everyone was a child at some point - everyone has that perspective. So yes, I do talk parenting with Monkey. Also, importantly for me, I like to hear how her parents did things because I like the Sub-Continental Asian Approach to Parenting (SCAAP.) In my 20+ years of experience with it, there are some valuable lessons to be learned and I want to hear as many examples I can. Monkey is willing to share and I appreciate it. In return, I make her listen to my childrens' heavy breathing on the phone, so things are not exactly fair, but she is a patient one, that Monkey.
**In our house, it is a RULE and a PUNISHMENT. Yesterday, Arun ran into his school parking lot without me - BIG TROUBLE. I was crystal clear that he was being PUNISHED. Sadly, my guy is so easy-going that he does not care that his precious items ended up on the fireplace mantle. Sigh. How do you punish easy-going kids??
Mostly, I try to parent in accordance with GAPP. You know, the Generally Accepted Parenting Principles. The ones that dictate you don't let your kid suck on lead pipes (or tail pipes, for that matter.) The ones that require at least 20 minutes per day of book reading or junior will have a brain equivalent to oatmeal. The ones that require eating vegetables. The ones that require choices and consequences (not rules and punishments**.) The ones that require your child do a variety of well-rounded activities (music! sports! art!), but not too many activities lest your precious snowflake become overscheduled. The horrors. So, like most parents, I attempt to do my best. I am quite certain I will never figure out this parenting gig while my own children are around, but am quite confident I will get it right for when they have children, so that I can become That Grandmother Who Knoweth All. Because everyone loves That Grandmother, right? .
Anyway. I think I fail spectacularly in the Parenting Activities Standards Board (PASB) 242 - Grooming of of Self-Esteem. The other day I was talking with Monkey Dearest* about PASB 242:
I think there is WAY too much focus on self-esteem building these days. For example, moms who let their kids win when they are playing games. One of my friends actually tells her daughter there are TWO Winners. Are you fucking kidding? There can only be ONE winner and I don't let Arun win. Yeah, it makes him mad. Whatever, win on your own, dude. When we play Super Mario Bros on the Wii, sometimes he can't keep up and he starts whining for help - I kill him on purpose so he can just fucking catch up. Dude, you are messing up OUR game, get with the program, Nancy Boy.
Yeah, mother of the year over here.
After I sent the email, I thought that perhaps, I was too harsh. Maybe I should try to nurture my little budding gamer more. But then I realized that if my little guy ends up with self-esteem issues because I failed to let him succeed at some stupid games, then his problem will not be merely self-esteem. And no, I don't always kill Arun on purpose. And sometimes, just sometimes, I will point out the Sparkly Ginormous Coin is there for him to get. I also noticed that once I quit helping him over a particular hurdle and just let him die, that he actually figured out how to navigate the hurdle himself. Sure, there was whining, but I was too busy stomping zombie turtles to hear it anyway.
Truthfully, the look on his face when he does win and his little character gets the crown is a great expression. He earned that crown.
And he knows it.
* YES, I am a big believer in the fact that folks without children can have valid points about parenting. After all, everyone was a child at some point - everyone has that perspective. So yes, I do talk parenting with Monkey. Also, importantly for me, I like to hear how her parents did things because I like the Sub-Continental Asian Approach to Parenting (SCAAP.) In my 20+ years of experience with it, there are some valuable lessons to be learned and I want to hear as many examples I can. Monkey is willing to share and I appreciate it. In return, I make her listen to my childrens' heavy breathing on the phone, so things are not exactly fair, but she is a patient one, that Monkey.
**In our house, it is a RULE and a PUNISHMENT. Yesterday, Arun ran into his school parking lot without me - BIG TROUBLE. I was crystal clear that he was being PUNISHED. Sadly, my guy is so easy-going that he does not care that his precious items ended up on the fireplace mantle. Sigh. How do you punish easy-going kids??
January 20, 2010
A bookworm walks into a zoo......
Sound like the beginning of a really bad joke. No offense to bookworms. Or zoos, for that matter.
Lisa asked yesterday in the comments what the zoo is like in the dead of winter. Personally, I like going to the zoo throughout the year - to see the changing seasons and to see the animals react in different ways to the temperatures. Besides, I buy my kids nice winter coats every year and I like to use them. I am not opposed to bundling all of us up for outside romps. Although, it was pretty cold yesterday and by the end of the visit, I asked my friend Susan if my nose was still attached to my face because I could no longer feel my nose.
One thing that Susan and I noticed first off during our visit is that the animals were really, really aware that we were THERE. Many were coming to the window specifically to check us out. The tigers were so active, we were a little skeeved and became cautious that they might spray us (sadly, an experience I had last year when I was at the Mirage in Vegas.) Susan and I wondered if the animals become immune/disinterested in people after awhile when there are long parades of gawkers throughout the warmer weather. Since we were virtually the only people at the zoo that day, we were guessing that the animals were not used to seeing actual, live humans besides the zookeepers.
Truthfully, it was nice to get bundled up, tromp through some slushy snow and simply enjoy fresh, non-recycled air. Is it the best time of the year to go to the zoo? No. Not really. However, we have a membership (read: sunk cost) and heading to the zoo for a few hours makes for a nice outing. It was also pleasant to have the zoo to ourselves and relax in the quiet.
Today, my brain has been sauteed in a spicy sauce of Mucinex D and therefore, in lieu of a proper segue........
Recently, I joined the Book Lushes online book club (started by the lovely Jonniker!) Thus far, it is a fun spot to discuss books, reading and the like. The first selection is The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Last month, The Tongie Book Club mentioned this book and decided to read it for a future selection - I picked up a copy at Costco for all of 13 bucks and immediately began reading it. Then, I saw Book Lushes had selected it as a selection as well. And since I am all about lobbing stones at hapless birdies, I joined up with Book Lushes. I am not sure how the actual discussion of the book will pan out, but I am enjoying the forum itself. It is nice to hang out with like-minded gals in a drama-free environment. I highly recommend the forum and be sure to feel me up if you join.
The Help is incredibly engrossing, yet it is not full of shocking revelations. Like most folks not living in caves or under rocks, I have already read or seen most of what is discussed in this book. Racism in the 60s is a much-traveled topic, no? However. The author does an incredible job of weaving a complex story without melodrama. She has created fully established characters and the author did an excellent job of not simply strutting out caricatures. And I love seeing the same story from a variety of viewpoints.
Overall, I have been on a reading rampage this year - I was going to make an official resolution to read 50 books this year, but decided to simply make a resolution to make my reading worthwhile this year. All too often, I get sucked into a Bad Read and then waste time Plodding through it simply because I like to know the ending. This year? I am officially a Skimmer. If I am not caring for a book, then I will commence with The Skimming to just get it over with. Sadly, this year it has already applied to The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, A Thousand Acres and The Memory of Running. The Memory of Running was odd because it sort of had TWO stories. One of which I ended up skimming and the other I read and LOVED. Again, odd.
I find it nearly impossible actually Quit a book. Over the years, I have read some compelling stuff that took me a good 150 pages to get into, so for me, it is incredibly easy to get all Brokeback Mountain over a book. But I am determined to convert to Skimming.
Are you a Plodder, a Skimmer or a Quitter?
If you are a Quitter, how do you know when to quit a book?
Lisa asked yesterday in the comments what the zoo is like in the dead of winter. Personally, I like going to the zoo throughout the year - to see the changing seasons and to see the animals react in different ways to the temperatures. Besides, I buy my kids nice winter coats every year and I like to use them. I am not opposed to bundling all of us up for outside romps. Although, it was pretty cold yesterday and by the end of the visit, I asked my friend Susan if my nose was still attached to my face because I could no longer feel my nose.
One thing that Susan and I noticed first off during our visit is that the animals were really, really aware that we were THERE. Many were coming to the window specifically to check us out. The tigers were so active, we were a little skeeved and became cautious that they might spray us (sadly, an experience I had last year when I was at the Mirage in Vegas.) Susan and I wondered if the animals become immune/disinterested in people after awhile when there are long parades of gawkers throughout the warmer weather. Since we were virtually the only people at the zoo that day, we were guessing that the animals were not used to seeing actual, live humans besides the zookeepers.
Truthfully, it was nice to get bundled up, tromp through some slushy snow and simply enjoy fresh, non-recycled air. Is it the best time of the year to go to the zoo? No. Not really. However, we have a membership (read: sunk cost) and heading to the zoo for a few hours makes for a nice outing. It was also pleasant to have the zoo to ourselves and relax in the quiet.
Today, my brain has been sauteed in a spicy sauce of Mucinex D and therefore, in lieu of a proper segue........
Recently, I joined the Book Lushes online book club (started by the lovely Jonniker!) Thus far, it is a fun spot to discuss books, reading and the like. The first selection is The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Last month, The Tongie Book Club mentioned this book and decided to read it for a future selection - I picked up a copy at Costco for all of 13 bucks and immediately began reading it. Then, I saw Book Lushes had selected it as a selection as well. And since I am all about lobbing stones at hapless birdies, I joined up with Book Lushes. I am not sure how the actual discussion of the book will pan out, but I am enjoying the forum itself. It is nice to hang out with like-minded gals in a drama-free environment. I highly recommend the forum and be sure to feel me up if you join.
The Help is incredibly engrossing, yet it is not full of shocking revelations. Like most folks not living in caves or under rocks, I have already read or seen most of what is discussed in this book. Racism in the 60s is a much-traveled topic, no? However. The author does an incredible job of weaving a complex story without melodrama. She has created fully established characters and the author did an excellent job of not simply strutting out caricatures. And I love seeing the same story from a variety of viewpoints.
Overall, I have been on a reading rampage this year - I was going to make an official resolution to read 50 books this year, but decided to simply make a resolution to make my reading worthwhile this year. All too often, I get sucked into a Bad Read and then waste time Plodding through it simply because I like to know the ending. This year? I am officially a Skimmer. If I am not caring for a book, then I will commence with The Skimming to just get it over with. Sadly, this year it has already applied to The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, A Thousand Acres and The Memory of Running. The Memory of Running was odd because it sort of had TWO stories. One of which I ended up skimming and the other I read and LOVED. Again, odd.
I find it nearly impossible actually Quit a book. Over the years, I have read some compelling stuff that took me a good 150 pages to get into, so for me, it is incredibly easy to get all Brokeback Mountain over a book. But I am determined to convert to Skimming.
Are you a Plodder, a Skimmer or a Quitter?
If you are a Quitter, how do you know when to quit a book?
January 19, 2010
Best Laid Plans
We have had several weeks of bitter cold around here. While I am all for running around outside in 35+ degrees or so, I have limits. Also, after waiting the requisite 2 weeks with what I suspected was a raging sinus infection, I went to the doctor on Friday.
The drugs I am taking are ironic. No, not the Alanis Morrissette Unfortunate, Maybe Sad, Yet Not Truly Ironic Kind of drugs. No, these drugs are Moronically Ironic. They are suppressing my appetite, so I should take them with food, but Hey! I am not hungry so I take them on an empty stomach, then I feel sick which does not make me feel like eating much. Rinse, repeat. Our local Girl Scout delivered our single box of Thin Mints yesterday and an entire sleeve is laying around on the kitchen counter. I am sure it is in a state of shock since I suspect sleeves of Thin Mints do not see the outside of their boxes for extended periods of time.
Anyway, after these weeks of being a bit housebound, Kansas City is staring down the barrel of an entire week's worth of weather which will break the 40 degree boundary. In that vein, I have planned a week's worth of outside activities for us.
Yesterday, seemed like a perfect day to head out to the Ernie Miller Nature center. Team Chaos agreed:
Excitedly, they posed outside of the center, jabbering about the owls! snakes! turtles! and fish! waiting inside. As we approached the door, warning bells flashed in my brain as I saw a special signs posted to the door. Despite my careful perusal of the nature center's website, they were closed for Martin Luther King day. Bastards. Why could they have not put that up on their website? Crap.
Many tears flowed. Big, huge, tears. They were distraught, heartbroken. The owls! The owls!
I managed to get them going on nearby path.
Anjali's attitude never quite righted itself but I was able to distract Arun with animal tracks and bunny scat. He was particularly impressed with the tracks of the rare, elusive arunosaurus rex. A fearsome creature, indeed.
Today, we are headed to the zoo, which I am positive is open.
The drugs I am taking are ironic. No, not the Alanis Morrissette Unfortunate, Maybe Sad, Yet Not Truly Ironic Kind of drugs. No, these drugs are Moronically Ironic. They are suppressing my appetite, so I should take them with food, but Hey! I am not hungry so I take them on an empty stomach, then I feel sick which does not make me feel like eating much. Rinse, repeat. Our local Girl Scout delivered our single box of Thin Mints yesterday and an entire sleeve is laying around on the kitchen counter. I am sure it is in a state of shock since I suspect sleeves of Thin Mints do not see the outside of their boxes for extended periods of time.
Anyway, after these weeks of being a bit housebound, Kansas City is staring down the barrel of an entire week's worth of weather which will break the 40 degree boundary. In that vein, I have planned a week's worth of outside activities for us.
Yesterday, seemed like a perfect day to head out to the Ernie Miller Nature center. Team Chaos agreed:
Many tears flowed. Big, huge, tears. They were distraught, heartbroken. The owls! The owls!
I managed to get them going on nearby path.
Today, we are headed to the zoo, which I am positive is open.
January 15, 2010
New Cousins for Everybody.
In one fell swoop yesterday on her Facebook wall, my sister announced her pregnancy and an intention to get a new puppy. I am really excited about this new puppy because now Lucy will have another puppy with whom to play. Quite simply, the cats are not appreciative of Lucy's futile attempts at friendship. My brother has a dog, but seriously, Shakey is such a molester I really would feel bad subjecting our little Queen Elizabeth I to Shakey's humping proclivities. Wrong, it just feels wrong.
I am going to tell Arun today about his forthcoming new little cousin. Of course, this is going to hop us right onto the subject train of Human Reproduction. We have been at the depot for awhile, so I am a little prepared for this. He knows the difference between mammals, reptiles, birds, dinosaurs, etc - we have been discussing this for a long time now. He just has not actually asked how all these eggs, babies, etc "get in there" in the first place.
One of the more difficult things I have found in parenting is the "teacher part". I am not, by nature, a teacher. And I find myself having to be careful about how I explain things to a 4 year old - sure, I know the adult explanations for how things work, but I do struggle sometimes on how to simplify explanations so that Arun can understand. Evolution, for example. We have dipped our toe into that conversation, but I pulled back because I need to do more research to figure out the simplest way for him to understand.
Probably, my biggest worry with the sex talk is other parents. I am not concerned with telling my son the truth. However, I am very, very concerned with him getting the story wrong and attempting to tell a classmate. Or worse, getting the story so very wrong that weird stuff happens and we get child services called on us (one of my greatest fears and paranoias is child services. *shudder*)
And I am very excited about this new niece or nephew. I know it will be hard, a little, because I had always wanted 3 babies and I am feeling it deeply as Anjali marches on a sure path right past toddlerhood (and right into tweendom, it seem,s on some days.) I would be lying if I said I am not feeling wistful - there will be no third baby for us.
So, our crazy, chaotic family is about to ramp it up a notch. I hope you are ready Rogers Baby #4, because we are not a people who holds back. Also, I hope you like to be held because there will be no shortage of arms.
Nothing to Add, per se.
I have nothing to add with all of the dialogue going on about Haiti - I have no personal stories, nothing to say that would not come across as pithy. I did want to include links to a variety of organizations. If nothing else, it is simply amazing that in this day and age, it is easier than ever before to help folks in need. Yesterday, at Costco, they told me they are taking donations there and I was able to simply add my donation to my purchase. I am also hoping to make a donation to Doctors without Borders. I tend to lean towards them first - my eye doctor is a member and his stories over the years have been very inspirational for me..
Doctors Without Borders,
American Red Cross,
Hope For Haiti,
Compassion International
I am going to tell Arun today about his forthcoming new little cousin. Of course, this is going to hop us right onto the subject train of Human Reproduction. We have been at the depot for awhile, so I am a little prepared for this. He knows the difference between mammals, reptiles, birds, dinosaurs, etc - we have been discussing this for a long time now. He just has not actually asked how all these eggs, babies, etc "get in there" in the first place.
One of the more difficult things I have found in parenting is the "teacher part". I am not, by nature, a teacher. And I find myself having to be careful about how I explain things to a 4 year old - sure, I know the adult explanations for how things work, but I do struggle sometimes on how to simplify explanations so that Arun can understand. Evolution, for example. We have dipped our toe into that conversation, but I pulled back because I need to do more research to figure out the simplest way for him to understand.
Probably, my biggest worry with the sex talk is other parents. I am not concerned with telling my son the truth. However, I am very, very concerned with him getting the story wrong and attempting to tell a classmate. Or worse, getting the story so very wrong that weird stuff happens and we get child services called on us (one of my greatest fears and paranoias is child services. *shudder*)
And I am very excited about this new niece or nephew. I know it will be hard, a little, because I had always wanted 3 babies and I am feeling it deeply as Anjali marches on a sure path right past toddlerhood (and right into tweendom, it seem,s on some days.) I would be lying if I said I am not feeling wistful - there will be no third baby for us.
So, our crazy, chaotic family is about to ramp it up a notch. I hope you are ready Rogers Baby #4, because we are not a people who holds back. Also, I hope you like to be held because there will be no shortage of arms.
Nothing to Add, per se.
I have nothing to add with all of the dialogue going on about Haiti - I have no personal stories, nothing to say that would not come across as pithy. I did want to include links to a variety of organizations. If nothing else, it is simply amazing that in this day and age, it is easier than ever before to help folks in need. Yesterday, at Costco, they told me they are taking donations there and I was able to simply add my donation to my purchase. I am also hoping to make a donation to Doctors without Borders. I tend to lean towards them first - my eye doctor is a member and his stories over the years have been very inspirational for me..
Doctors Without Borders,
American Red Cross,
Hope For Haiti,
Compassion International
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