Can you get cornered in a Round Room?

Part II of My Rancid Wrap-Up of BlogHer 2006
In honor of the Patron Saint of Carmel, the Venerable But Wrinkly Clint Eastwood Who Is Beginning to Look Suspiciously Like Lord Voldemort , I present a “The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly” version of my experience at BlogHer 2006.

The Good

• Have I already mentioned all the Free Shit? Yes? Good Lord, it was impressive. And heavy.
  
• The Free Booze, which led to some of The Ugly.
  
• Meeting so many very, very cool people. Particularly, getting to hang with Surrender Dorothy and Average Jane - two of my Real Life friends that I just don't get to see nearly enough these days.
  
• Coming away feeling more inspired about my blog than ever. Nah, nothing is going to change, but I have a new fondness for the Underappreciated Status Quo. I don't care if my readership ever rises substantially in numbers. Not to say that I wouldn't love to get MORE readers (who wouldn't?? Be honest!), BUT in my little obscure speck of the Blogosphere, I adore the current readers I have, I still enjoy writing posts and I have yet to attract any trolls. The important things to Blogging.
  
• Getting Incredibly Inspired watching Miss Zoot with her children. In particular, her son, who I declare to be one of the most polite tween boys I have met in a long time. In a day and age where we are bombarded with negative mainstream media reports as to how "bad" kids are getting, it was great to see that it doesn't HAVE to be that way. My mom was impressed with LilZ, too.
  
• This MommyBlogger brought her OWN Mommy, which worked out spectacularly because my Snooty Kid wouldn't have done well in daycare. Nope, not the daycare's fault, but my kid just isn't used to being left with strangers yet. Anyway, as of today, my mom is even reading my blog. gulp.
  
  

The Bad

• This MommyBlogger brought her own KID. Okay, this was by Choice and I am not really Complaining because I just couldn't leave him yet. Still, it was difficult because I just didn't get to meet as many people as I would have liked. It was very hard to network at times when I was trying to satisfy my Kid's Boob Needs.
  
• I went into this knowing that nobody reads my blog and I am okay with that. However, it became quite clear to me that I am not very “well read” MYSELF when it comes to the Power Bloggers. It was the literary equivalent of being raised on Mad and Cracked Magazines and attempting to pass yourself off at the Harvard Book Review. After awhile, I felt stupid. This is precisely why I didn't introduce myself to Dooce. No, NO, I am not dissing Dooce, she is a great and entertaining writer! However, I don't read her frequently because I just don't have the time. So, I would have felt like a Huge Phony introducing myself to a Power Blogger that I don't even read on a regular basis. What would I have said? "Uh, Hi. I don't actually READ you that much, but Jeepers! I just luv ya anyway!" Oh well. Maybe next year.
  
• Not getting to meet the Waxed Glory that is Monkey. Every time I saw a desi chick saunter by, I peered closely. Finally, an email arrived confirming what I already knew deep in my heart..... sniff.......
  
• Not getting to meet Arianna Huffington. I had a prime opportunity by the pool in the mid-afternoon before everyone realized she was even there. I was sitting RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. However, I blew it because I got a total attack of Shyness. After her keynote speech, it was too late because she was always surrounded by someone or being interviewed.
  
  

The Ugly

• The Hotel Room. The Decor? Four pictures, mostly not lined up with anything, all non-matching in theme. The Lighting? I blame it for all the nasty photos of me lurking around. The Bathroom? NO BATHTUB. The Temperature? At times, it was cooler OUTSIDE.
  
• The Water. WTF? I drink loads of water and this conference ended up being very stressful for me in that area. First, they try to pass of this weird Contrex shit. THEN, half the time, the "regular" water pitchers would be empty. I was so tired of drinking Pepsi (bleh!) by the end of the conference, but I was SO desperate to re-hydrate my Pathetic Liver that it was worth over-working my Pathetic Pancreas with all the high fructose corn syrup.
  
• Mid-Day Outdoor Activities. I am a Sweatly Kinda Gal. I sweat BUCKETS. Too much of this conference was OUTSIDE.
  
• In the same vein of Sweat, the conference rooms were too fucking HOT.
  
• 4:45 AM Sunday Morning. Enough said about that. However, it was sorta Good because we did get an early morning, direct flight which meant I was home by about 2:00 PM on Sunday.
  

Where should I Begin? How about the End?

Note to all the Fine Folks at the Kansas City airport patiently waiting on Sunday at Gate 34 for their 12:45 pm. flight to Baltimore: After my baby boy has deplaned, he does not usually reach for just any Indian guy that happens to be hanging out in the B Group near the gate. You see, in a sweet moment of Southwest Serendipity, the plane that had just arrived from Oakland bearing my son and I happened to be the very plane that my Baby Daddy was waiting to board for HIS flight on to Baltimore.

Actually, it was pretty cool to be able to see X as he headed out to Virginia. I was missing him even though when he called me as we were still on the runway, he was smirking as he informed me that he was waiting for my ass to arrive so that he could leave. Funny guy. Hee-larious.

Anyway - where was I???? Ah, yes, that thing about blogs, blogging, and bloggers. I guess they call it BlogHer or something like that. The trip going out to the West Coast on Thursday started out very stressfully because it turned out that I had NOT purchased the option for the Friday cocktail hour. I made so many frantic calls to Dorothy and Average Jane regarding this debacle that I fear they will never answer my calls again. It ended up working out okay, but by the time we had reached Carmel, even my mom wanted to throw out my damned Treo because I was so obsessed with checking my Gmail and Voicemail. Thursday, we found a hotel, checked in and walked around Carmel. I have always wanted to go there and am glad we went, but honestly? I was very underwhelmed. It was block after block of Crazy Expensive Shit. We did enjoy walking to the beach and seeing all the cute houses with cool gardens, so it was not a lost cause.

Friday, we got up, went back to the beach to walk around, then drove through Pebble Beach (beautiful), Pacific Grove (sweetly quaint), Monterey’s Cannery Row (freakin’ touristy). In particular, Pebble Beach was spectacular. Arun slept the whole time, so at several lookout points, we drove up, rolled down the windows and just enjoyed the view and sounds of the waves. We even saw some seals - or it could have been a couple of guys in wetsuits fending off sharks, but we’re pretty certain they were seals. Or something with flipperish appendages. Seal barks or cries for help? Whatever.

As we meandered back to San Jose, we happened across the Gilroy Garlic Festival. Seriously - how could we resist a festival of garlic?? And these people mean BUSINESS. Apparently, about 180,000 folks attend this stinky shindig. Fortunately, we went on Friday which is the slowest day and even then, it was still crowded and we had to park over a mile away from the grounds. OMIGOD, in all it’s garlicky goodness, it was totally worth it.

Where else can you get garlic ice cream?


Where else would snails be considered appropriate Fair Food?

Nowhere but Gilroy, that’s for fucking sure.

Okay - on to BlogHer we go........ The rest of Friday was a bit of a haze involving wine (red), slurpy hugs (not naming names), more wine (white), tattoos (temporary), spilled wine (?) and stumbling back to my room so that my very own mommy could take care of MY ass for change and Thank GOD, she was already taking care of my kid's ass. The whole evening harkened back to the decade I like to refer to as My Roaring 20s - all that was missing was a rousing game of "I Never", a couple of pole dances using a pool cue and a Night Ending round of Mind Erasers.

Saturday, I got up hanging like a cheap of curtains (apparently, I didn’t Spill enough). What’s the first thing I did after registering? I promptly walked over to the GM area and test drove the Saturn Sky because they were offering an awesome goodie bag. Folks, it’s official, I am a total Swag Bag Hag. I LOVE me some free shit. I would have left my kid back at the Hyatt and stuffed his diaper bag full of more freebies if it was socially acceptable. Which, last I heard it's not, so you can just mark that off as yet another way the kid is cramping my style. ANYWAY, I test drove the car, picked up my goodie bag, THEN figured out which sessions I needed to be attending. Because I have priorities...........

I have many more compelling ideas and thoughts regarding the conference because as ya'll are most certainly well aware, this blog just happens to be world-renowned for its Thought Provoking posts and I am just one measly paragraph away from being the next Jane Austen. HOWEVER, I really need to get UNpacked so that I can get the clothes washed so that I can turn around and REpack them for our trip to Boston on Wednesday. I will have more later. Hey, it's not called Rancid Raves for nothing. As a peace offering, I offer up Real Life photos including ME. I am putting my Vanity on the shelf for the next few posts. bah.

To Be Continued........
In the meantime, here's some Slapdashed Snappage.................

Cagey and Zoot with their Precious Tots

Not a drop of ass or boob sweat was to be found. I think I love her.


Cagey and Dorothy with their Prison Tats

MommyBloggers can totally KICK your ass while WIPING your ass.

We Rock like that.

How many times can I use the word “Excited” before it loses its punch?

Not much is going on as I sit in feverish anticipation of going to BlogHer. I am really excited about this year’s conference. I am particularly excited about WALKING into the conference, instead of WADDLING. I am excited that THIS year, I HAVE ANKLES. Yee haw! I even get to drink (a little) this time around. Score! I hope this time around, to have the courage to introduce myself to Heather Armstrong. I hope this time around, to have the confidence to actually try and TALK to Alice Bradley, instead of blathering on about how much I love her. I hope this time to meet more people instead of sheepishly hiding behind my big ole baby belly. I am excited about seeing Amy again. I am excited to finally meet Miss Zoot! I am REALLY excited about hanging around with Average Jane and Dorothy. In short, I am way EXCITED, folks.

However, I have to appreciate the irony that the very week I am going to a blogging conference that is about blogs, blogging and bloggers, I have nothing to actually blog ABOUT. There I’ll be at BlogHer saying “Hi, I’m Cagey from RancidRaves. Er, just don’t read my blog THIS week. Come back NEXT week, ‘kay?” How lame is that?

Seriously - not much else has been going on lately. Just attempting to keep the kid entertained at ALL COSTS which requires a careful balance of going to the park, switching toys from room to room to keep them interesting, going to play groups, visiting Target and conducting supervised tours of the stairs.

The most interesting thing to have happened lately is the following tale of woe, which only serves as a reminder to how base my blogging character can get. Every day, my living room is completely strewn with toys. Every evening, I crawl around on all fours to clean it up so that everything is fresh for the next morning. It seems, half the fun is pulling everything OUT. Anyway, as I was crawling around doing a sweep for the Small toys while clambering over the Big toys, I heard Baby Tad chirp “Hi, I’m Baby Tad! That’s the YELLOW star. ” before realizing with more than a little horror that I was STRADDLING the little green fuck. ACK

However, fear not, gentle reader. All is not lost on the Blogging Front. I have a luncheon later today with Normal Olathe Grandma and my great-aunts and uncles. It's even at a Chinese buffet - my Grandma's family version of "ethnic". Surely, something snarkastically delicious will come out of THAT.

Updated to Add:
Bah. The only "delicious" thing at that Chinese buffet was my soda. When my grandma asked why X didn't come to lunch, it was all I could do to refrain from saying that I didn't want to risk my marriage by making him attend. X HATES Chinese buffets. In true form, even ARUN wouldn't eat any of the food. He CRIED and he never does that when trying new food.

And yes, his daddy was proud when I told him later.

Can I Ask A Question?

On of my very favorites of all Questions Rhetorical. Anyway, in preparation for BlogHer, I've been tagged by Average Jane.............



1. When did you start blogging and why? Or Talk about your blog. What can I learn about you in under 5 minutes? I began blogging in 2004 as something fun to do - a new hobby. At the time, little did I know how important and integral that blogging would become for me as a way of expressing myself. I have never considered myself a writer yet have been pleasantly surprised with how much I have enjoyed writing as a creative outlet. In particular, it has been nice to document my recent transition from Working In An Office to the new gig I like to call Staying Home With My Son. Previously, Working was everything to me and I was worried that Staying would put a dent in my Identity. Blogging has definitely filled a void and given a "Mon-Fri" feel to my days since I don’t post on the weekends. I just need to get over my obsessive need to proofread and this would be the Perfect Hobby!
 
2. Who do you read every day, rain or shine? I read most of my Blogroll, which is always a “work in progress”. I would prefer to keep it up to date, but have been quite lazy with it lately. Sometimes I am in the mood for Blogger A, but maybe other days I need a little bit of Blogger B. Then, there’s Blogger C, who hasn’t updated in weeks and dammit, Blogger D is not EVEN on my Blogroll, yet I read her EVERYDAY and sometimes, I repeatedly hit Refresh while feeling like a Total Stalker.

 3. How do you feel about meeting bloggers in real life? Are you nervous? Will you have great expectations? What do you hope to take away from the BlogHer experience? I am very excited about meeting other bloggers! I am not usually all about Girl Power, but last year at BlogHer, I thought it was wonderful to be in a room buzzing with such ENERGY. However, last year, I was what can only be delicately referred to as “heavily pregnant”. I felt like a total outcast because I wasn’t a Mommy, but wasn’t really part of the other folks, either. I wasn’t Working and was just preparing for my son’s birth at that time - for sure, I was smack dab in the middle of a Blogging Purgatory. To boot, I came back very disheartened with some of the negativity and sneering surrounding the genre of Mommy Blogging. However, THIS year? It's a different ballgame, babycakes. I have made several new friends in the past year and I can’t wait to meet them. Although, I am a little worried. Now people will discover this delicate house of cards that I have created. Will they still love me when they discover the Rancid le Manse is really just a cardboard box, the RidiculousCar is actually a Vespa and that my baby is an artfully photoshopped cat?
 
4. Are you and your blogging persona the same person? I like to think so, although I am probably a little more passive-aggressive in Real Life. On my blog, I tend to say the things I wish I would have said in Real Life. However, I try to be unapologetic about the differences between “Cagey” and “Kelli” because frankly, blogging is therapeutic. In fact, that has always been my unofficial tagline “Blogging is virtually free, therapy is not.” In that vein, I wish my Mom would read my blog.
 
5.  Soon everyone's going to meet each other at BlogHer. Important question. How do you party? With a glass of vino in my hand, friends at my side and my mouth running astray. I think all my Real Life friends can attest to the fact that I become a chatterbox when drinking.
 
6. So, what shoes will you be wearing??  Most probably my Favorite Black Slides. Since I have never been a Shoe Girl, the more important question is “Which PURSE will you be bringing?” I haven’t decided THAT yet and haven’t even completely talked myself out of buying a new one. Yikes.

Anyway - I am VERY excited about BlogHer. If you happen to notice a D-Lister skulking around on the fringe snapping furtive pics of the A-Listers, don’t fret. That’s just me.


Simian Snappage

Most of the gas for this blog depends on the cat, er, KID.

As you can see, I won't be winning any Mother of the Year awards anytime ever. What sort of mother lets her precious progeny suck on diving sticks?

Will I be there for you?

Before becoming a mother, I knew that my friendship structure would Change. I also knew that I would make NEW friends - friends that I call my Mommy Friends since we specifically meet and hang out because we have children so close in age - we have enough in common to want to see each other, but in reality, are hanging out because of our kids. Along the way of Mommy Blogging, I made even more new friends (just to name a few. A very few.) As a Sweet Bonus, I didn’t plan on resurrecting OLD friendships - such as R, and that has been such a cool surprise - we already knew we had loads in common and similar idealogies - having babies so close in age was simply the Icing.

Over the years, I have went through more friends than Tommy Lee has gone through tattoo artists. However, several are notable. My Childhood Best Friend drifted away when her marriage went up in a spectacular ball of fire after she left her husband for her AOL LoverBoy. I actually had to Fire a Work Friend after all the negative comments she kept making- the pinnacle being when she whined “Oh, you’re going to get married before me!” when she discovered I had a new boyfriend. That was in 1999 - last I heard, she is still “single and bitter with baggage, seeking same”. Most recently, I Lost a College Friend who pretty much had nothing to do with me after I was in her wedding in May 2005. She dropped off the planet - I saw her once or twice that entire summer. She blew off my baby shower and didn’t acknowledge Arun’s birth. Then, to make things super-gooeylicious and awkward, she miscarried her own baby just a week after Arun was born. X was out of town and I was alone - so I dragged Arun and myself to a flower store because I wanted to personally pick out something AND in particular, I wanted to personally send a card saying that I understood that she would need time and that I would be there for her when she was ready. I will never forget how physically painful it was to get in and out of the car dragging Arun around, but I wanted it all to be from ME, not my computer. However, save for one voicemail, which I returned, I haven’t heard from her since. I am still pretty hurt by that, particularly considering that my friend J who lost her husband in January hasn’t Fired ME just because I have still have a husband and she doesn’t anymore. Not to sound harsh, but I still have dreams about my College Friend and it still hurts.

However, none of the stupid baby books warn you that having a baby CHANGES your friendships. Now that I DO have a kid, I do feel some of my friendships taking on different flavors. For my friends WITH children, having kids that interact WITH each other certainly adds a new dimension. I have to be careful of the awkwardness that arises when they have children that are pretty aggressive. I also have to be sensitive to different parenting styles and I DO try to keep judgements to myself, but DAMN! its hard when you are just trying to protect your sweet boy's eyeballs. Then, there are the Friends With Kids that I am closer to than ever before - our friendship has transcended a new level built solidly on Common Fears, Hopes and Dreams. Conversely, I have to be cognizant of my friends WITHOUT children - they probably don’t want to hear the nitty gritty of Diaper Details and despite their polite nods, they probably really don't care that Arun is getting pretty fucking good with the fine motor skills and seriously? They probably aren't interested in hearing he is OBSESSED with climbing the stairs. However, most importantly, it might be harder for them to understand if I have to cancel plans at the last minute or when I don’t respond to emails promptly. Friends With Kids?? ALWAYS understand Doing Things On The Fly. (Average Jane , I salute you, the most understanding of my NonKid Friends!)

But, of all these friends, I think the ones that affect me most are the ones that simply Slip Through My Fingers. There is a reason why I have become a more diligent blogger AFTER becoming a mother. I have so many Real Life friends reading this blog now, that I know keeping up on the blog helps with the friendship. On the rare occasion we meet up via lunch, phone or email, they already know what is going on and we can focus on the Most Recent instead of the What's Happened (I’m talkin’ ‘bout YOU -- M and T!) But the friends who DON’T read my blog? The ones I haven't emailed, phoned or even SEEN since Arun was born? Those are the ones that I regret.

I wish I had a new paragraph for you, full of Valid Excuses why friends are Slipping Through My Fingers and how I Am Going to Rectify It, but I don't and I can't. These days, I am just not able to be there for my friends like I used to be pre-Arun when My Time was 100% under MY control. A part of me is sad to realize this, but a part of me has accepted that this is simply what happens when you sign for this Gig.

It is what it is.