Doesn't a lightning rod on top of a church show a lack of faith?

First, my apologies to CG - in my previous post, I forgot to issue a warning that I would be departing from my normal Ick Free Factor policy. Sorry ‘bout that, CG. Hello? CG? Damn. I think he’s gone for good.

Anyway, it appears the Dragons of Dung have been slayed for the time being. I have my prune juice and thermometer armed and ready, just in case. Actually, Arun didn’t care much for the prune juice. Sadly, the cheapskate in me can’t let a whole bottle go to waste, so, um, well, you know what THAT means. Stayed tuned. Or not. Your choice.

It’s nice to have my smiling, happy boy back. He’s excited again to play with his toys and grab for any unsuspecting felines who meander too close (How desperate can a cat get for attention? Come to MY house. I'll show ya). Anyway, this has been a good exercise for me. I know logically that I have it easy. REAL easy. Like, SMEASY, easy. The hardest thing about Arun has been his incessant need to be held, which has waned a bit in the past few months. Gee, how lucky am I? My kid just wants to be snuggled all the time? POOR ME, right? So, when little things like constipation happen, it’s pretty big for me. At 4:00 am when my baby is crying in pain, my Brain says “Whoa, just a little constipation. No worries.”, but my Heart tells me ”Holy fucking CRAP. Is he dying? Should I go to the ER? Maybe it’s NOT constipation! Why is he seizing his legs up like that? Maybe it’s COLON CANCER. Holy fucking CRAP. He's in PAIN. What do I DO? What sort of mother doesn’t take her baby to ER when he might have COLON CANCER?”. Fortunately, my Brain prevailed and there were no visits to the ER. But it is a good reminder that I have it SO GOOD. Except for jaundice and a slight complication when he was born, we have a pretty healthy kid who has even managed to avoid getting any colds so far (I have pulled out one of our many snot suckers a few times in anticipation, but had to put it back. I finally delegated one of them for a bath toy.)

I think the hardest part about yesterday’s twilight hours scare was the stark reminder of how irreversible this connection is to my son. I have only felt this frightened twice before. When he was born, we had that slight complication (he had swallowed meconium in utero) and they whisked him away right after he was born. I didn’t get even get to SEE see him for nearly 2 hours but I was so dazed from the birth and drugs that I didn’t really FEEL it. However, 5 days later when I saw his little noggin totally hunched over in his carseat, I bawled like there was no tomorrow. I was positive his neck was BROKEN and that my crazy driving had done it. I sobbed on X's shoulder and he was just baffled. Of course, a quick phone call to my sister confirmed that all newborns hunch over and henceforth, I christened Arun the little Noodle Neck. But that was the first poignant moment in his teeny life that struck me hard. The 2nd Frightening Moment happened in San Francisco when I was convinced Arun had a life-threatening fever and was going to die while I was stuck in a strange city. A quick purchase of an expensive Who-the-Hell-Comparison-Shops-When-Their-Kid-Is-Dying thermometor proved that yes, I was just a freak with a healthy kid who needed to get a fucking grip on herself already. So, I do try to fight what I call the "rising paranoia in the back of my throat". However, I suspect that to be a mother means that there will always be a little bit of that paranoia in the back of your throat and that there is NOTHING that can ever make it go away. And I suppose that maybe, just maybe, it SHOULDN'T go away and that perhaps, that's what this whole Motherhood gig is all about. Perhaps.

On that note, I need to sign off so I can take my sweet boy outside to play with scissors and marbles in the middle of the street. In the sun.

With no sunscreen, of course.


Poop on you, Constipation!

Who says Helmet Head ain’t sexy?

You’re gonna put that thermometer WHERE?

We have a little Constipation Consternation going on right now. Arun chose to express his pooping displeasure at 1:00 am, 4:00 am, and 6:00 am. The only solution for HRH was to walk him around as he slumbered. (Rancid Tangent: I wish I would have bought one of those personal pedometers before Arun was born. It would be KICK ASS to see how many miles I have walked in my OWN HOUSE. Seriously. I have established routes and pathways dependent upon the degree of tiredness and/or sickness. X, in particular, ROCKS in this area and even has a special route that includes the STAIRS. Something I am still too paranoid to attempt since I have a tendency to fall down them.) Anyway, in short, I am operating on a total of 2 brain cells here. I certainly blew out a few cells as I attempted the old “thermometor trick”. Believe you me, nothing says I! Love! You! like sticking a thermometer up your kid’s keister at 4:00am. I have spoken to the doctor, so I have a few more tricks up my sleeve. The worst is that this constipation thing follows right on the heels of Teething so both of our shut-eye tanks are running near empty. Of course, X is in Virginia while I fight the Dragons of Dung but at least this should garner me many, many Pity Points when he returns on Friday. I do feel so bad for Arun, though. He was crying so hard this morning that he couldn’t even NURSE. Any dude that turns down commitment-free boobage must really be down and out.

Damn, this week sorta sucks. Before X left yesterday, we bickered over a TOASTER. Yes, I am grateful that the worst of our problems involve crappy 20-year old toasters, but I hate it when he leaves on a note like that. Yeah, we made up before he hit the skies, but now, my kid can't poop.

Woe is me.

Are you listening?

GRRRRR.

“Somebody” in this house turned off the computer without saving my draft of today’s post (I compose off-line, then post on-line). He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Blamed is, shall we say, in Big Trouble? I had a thrilling, intriguing post regarding Toys - it was a fascinating insight into how I keep my sweet baby (who would never turn off his Mama's computer) entertained and it even included Controversy. Okay, maybe it wasn’t fascinating, thrilling or even insightful, but STILL, I had something to put out here today and now I Have To Start Over. I love my husband, but maybe a little less today. Wish him better luck tomorrow. He leaves for Virginia, so his prospects are good that I will love him again tomorrow, say around, 7:15 pm. Fortunately, for X and I, the Heart Grows Fonder every time Southwest Airlines hits the sky headed towards Baltimore (and Coming Soon! To An Airport Near You! Dulles! Yippee!!).

Saturday night was Canasta Night and it was wonderful. It was my first Kid Free Canasta since Arun’s arrival and I play a much better game when not concerned with his goings-on - needy little shit. I probably play a much better game when not tippling the wine, either. At Canasta, Goofy Girl, mentioned that she had read The Blind Assassin, which I highly recommended in earlier posts here and here . I got the impression she hadn’t enjoyed it very much. However, I think listening to a book and reading a book are two VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES. For example, I have read AND listened to all of the Harry Potter books, except the Half Blood Prince, which I have only read for now. Both listening to them and reading them are equally enjoyable, yet very different experiences, so for Serious Harry Potter Fans, I highly recommend doing BOTH. This said, I think that most books fall into either the Must Listen or Must Read categories, but not both. David Sedaris? I didn’t “get” Sedaris, until I started listening to him. His books are fucking hilarious when listened to, because you fully get the effects of his intonations that only he can express. But reading him? Not nearly as enjoyable. Same goes for the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy book - probably better listened to than actually read. So, I was disappointed that Goofy Girl had listened to Blind Assassin because I just can’t imagine that it would be a good listen. I still stand by the statement that this was one of the best books I have ever read. In fact, after our discussion of it on Saturday, I woke up this morning and laid in bed for awhile thinking about it AGAIN. So, while I am willing to admit that I would rather read a book than listen to it, I will say that my most recent read, Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bordain probably would have been a better listen than a read. Parts of this book were absolutely fascinating - X and I eat out a lot so much of our disposable income is devoted to eating out and trying different restaurants. However, other parts of this book really dragged - Bordain has this “wink-wink” type of style that was irritating. He is trying to pull off the ole "Asshole with a Heart of Gold" schtick and he was marginal at succeeding. Still, if you are a foodie, this book is for you. You will truly have a good understanding of the restaurant business after reading this.

In other news, on Sunday, we completed our sign-up for the Fair Share Farm - the CSA (Community Based Agriculture) group we have joined. We got to meet the farmers, Rebecca and Tom, who seemed very cool. As part of our membership, we need to complete two 4-hour shifts helping to harvest. I am very excited about this. X, the Grumbling Grinch of Gardening, is NOT. I am the first to admit that my ideal of gardening is to plant a bunch of shit, then crack open a beer and watch it grow - I hate weeding, watering, and pruning. By August, most of my stuff is dead, but fortunately, with enough beer, I don't even notice by then. However, I am still very excited about our farm shift and was insistent that X get in on it. I suspect I will have a nice blog entry come July 10th, the Monday after our shift. We have our first veggie pick up in mid-May and I will probably begin a section detailing our pick-ups.

Because, yes, I am THAT fucking desperate for non-baby material that I will start posting about VEGETABLES.


Slapdashed Snap:

Okay - a weird picture, but I just loved the juxtaposition of Arun’s sweet little shoes next to mine (I had sprayed all of them on the porch with the water/stain resistant stuff). I don't think I have bought a new pair of shoes since Average Jane's Wedding Do-Over in December 2004 (AKA the Renewal of 10 year vows in Vegas), so I have been able to bury my usual guilt for making such a purchase. A little. As you can see, I did break down and buy a pair of Skechers. Until now, I have been a victim of Reverse Marketing since I was loathe to buy anything that Britney Spears was hawking. Bleh.

What if you’re happy and you DON’T know it?

Do you still clap? What’s with all this clapping business anyway?

Today is my birthday. I am 35 - it’s weird to already be halfway through my 30s. It seems just like yesterday I was celebrating the beginning of this decade by drunkenly twirling barefoot around on the dance floor to the tune of Dancing Queen with my sister, who was very pregnant with Older Nephew at the time. Anyway, the day didn’t start off so well. Last night, Arun was more than just fussy, he was downright crying. For once, I felt like a Storybook Mommy who gladly paces the floor at 3:00am and bravely faces anything - even 4:00 am - to make her poor baby stop the pathetic wailing. Most of the time, I feel like The Old Me who just happens to have a sweet baby to haul around. And honestly? Often, I feel like a freaky fake of a mother. The kind that does a great Carmen Miranda using baby rattles (not that I do that. Ever. Maybe once. OKAY, twice.....) and can create inventive lyrics to Wheels on the Bus (Aliens ride the bus, don’t they? When their spaceships are in the shop?) but I don’t feel like a MOTHER. Sometimes this gig just seems like too much fun. Too easy. So, it still amazes me that when the going gets rough, and I end up not caring about my own needs and am able to just focus on Arun. Odd. Who knew?

So, I’ve been listening to the Teach Yourself Hindi CDs I recently purchased. While I question the “teach” yourself part, I do recommend this series as a great refresher course. It’s great for any language that you might feel comfortable in, but just need some touching up on your skills (i.e. I can’t imagine being a beginner with this series). Also - I will be looking into the Spanish series as well. Why not? So, the thing that cracks me up this series, is that they have a set of conversations that represent a variety of situations. For example, apparently, Mohan is a “secret smoker” and he is trying to bum some money to buy cigarettes for a “friend”. Except, Auntie Madhuri ain’t buying it. Neither is Anjali, for that matter. There’s also a conversation surrounding the Making of Pizza that looks equally entertaining. While I have a hard time believing I will need these particular conversational skills, it is certainly enjoyable to listen to it.

Anyway - Arun and I are off to Lawrence for dinner with my mom.

Rancid Rave: Check out the Google Logos blog. It’s a blog that features all the fun Google logos from 1999 to present. On the one hand, I love just happening upon the logos, but on the other hand, I think it is cool there is an archive of all of them out there. There are also a ton of logos created by others than the Google guys. While all the logos didn’t necessarily make it to the Google search page, they are still cool to see. Anyway - I will definitely be checking this out some more. I always get such a kick out of those logos.

Holy Shit. Six Months. Where does Time fly?

DNA PROJECT STATUS REPORT

PROJECT OVERVIEW
Project Name: Arun
Code Name: Grunts While Pooping
Start Date: Jan 18, 2005
Estimated Completion Date: Oct 16, 2023
Reporting Period: Oct 2005 - Apr 2006

TASKS DESCRIPTION (TASK STATUS)
1. Gained Weight -- 17 lb. 15 oz. (No Issues to Report this Period.)
2. Gained Height -- 28 in. (No Issues to Report this Period.)
3. Smiles on cue. (Manageable Issues Exist.)
4. Wakes up at 7:30am sharp. (Manageable Issues Exist.)
5. Falls asleep at 8:00pm sharp. (Serious Issues Exist.)
6. Eats solids in a clean and timely manner. (Manageable Issues Exist.)
7. Asks politely for food and toys. (Serious Issues Exist.)
8. Maintains neat and tidy clothing. (Serious Issues Exist.)
9. Keeps Project within Budget Constraints. (Serious Issues Exist.)
10. Displays a charming and affable persona. (No Issues to Report this Period )

OBJECTIVES FOR NEXT REPORTING PERIOD
1. Master the art of crawling on all fours.
2. Transition from breastmilk to curries.
3. Understand and appreciate the nuances of racial harmony found amongst the Sneetches.
4. Learn how to treat the pets gently, rather than grabbing chunks of fur by the fistful.
5. Get the hang of waving"bye-bye" and "hello".
6. Become proficient at saying Mama, Daddy, Kitty and Rock Chalk, Jayhawk.
7. Begin studying for the National Spelling Bee.