Whatever happened to the Way We Weren't?

Strange Dreams: Is this another sign I am a bad Mommy? I have had weird dreams lately, but nothing about the Freeloader. Yeah, early in the pregnancy I had Baby Dreams and they usually involved some form of surrogacy (i.e. me having a baby for Jessica Simpson) or my baby being taken away from in some shape or form. What do I dream about now? iPods - yep. I dreamt last night I had WAY too many iPods and one of them was a teeny, tiny earbud thing called a PeaPod. I think it stems from my newfound obsession with desperately wanting the iPod Nano, even though I HAVE NO BUSINESS OWNING ONE. I already have a regular iPod AND a Shuffle - Greedy Gut that I am.

No More Snore: The bad thing about X being gone is that I miss him - A LOT. The good thing about X being gone is that I can cozily get a good night’s sleep without someone snoring sweet nothings in my ear. I was up at 4:00 am this morning, which will make for an interesting day. Yes, YES, I realize that I am headed down a one-way track to No Sleepdom, but come on - I APPRECIATE the fact that sleep is a precious commidity right now so I am trying to get as much of it as possible.

Yoga Baby: When people ask if the kid is kicking a lot, I answer “Yes”, because that is easier. However, truth be known, what this kid does most is S-T-R-E-T-C-H. I just felt a foot where a foot should never BE, so I swear he’s attempting the downward facing dog RIGHT NOW.

It’s All About Perspective: I bought the cutest maternity shirt WAY back when (April? May?). I ADORED that shirt and wore it constantly. It was too baggy then and actually, is STILL too baggy. However, I hate to wear it NOW because of the very fact that it is baggy and thus, makes me look HUGE. Ironically moronic, I know....I know.

Cribbage: Rumor has it we are receiving the Freeloader's crib TODAY. Since the kid's due date is less than 3 weeks away, this is a good thing, I suppose. I wasn't really stressed about it, but WAS getting extremely irritated with the seller that wasn't responding to my emails in a promptly manner.

Baggage: According to my handy-dandy pregnancy book, I am supposed to be packing a bag right now in anticipation of a 2-3 day jaunt at my local hospital. This is slightly complicated by the fact that my husband is using our "2 Nights" bag and all we have left are the "4-5 Nights" and the "Full Week Plus" bags. I also wonder if I shouldn't be more worried about packing this bag - it seems to be a source of stress for some other pregnant bloggers who are due around the same time as I am. However, it's difficult to get too bent out of shape over packing a bag to go stay somplace that is less than 10 minutes away from my home.

Never was a Streisand Fan: I am nearly finished with the Photo Project - I have had an odd, disjointed week of Memory Lane recaps. Things I had long forgotten about - I got a little teary-eyed running across old photos of friends I’ve grown apart from, deceased relatives, photos from when my parents were still married and we were actually a FAMILY. It’s interesting to ponder all the little tidbits of memories floating around in my head (most shocking newsflash - I was NOT FAT, despite all of Asshole #1's claims to contrarary. Hence the moniker.). Anyway, in retrospect, it was probably a good time to do this Photo Project. I am about to leap into an entirely new life - not just the Freeloader, but some other things going on that I can’t blog about just yet . I would hate to jinx the Something Really Good that is going on with X's company. This Something Really Good may morph into Something Really Great, Yet Sad. Stayed tuned.

Which part of “My husband is from India” do people not understand?

Overheard in a doctor’s office waiting room in Olathe, KS:

Nurse: Gesturing to other patient....... She had a baby that was as bald as could be!
Other Patient: Smiling proudly.......Yep!
Me: Well, my husband is from India, so our kid will most likely have a full head of hair.
Other Patient: Oh, you NEVER know!

It amazes me how often I hear this whenever I play yet another round of “What Will My Baby Look Like?”. Did people not get the basic of genetics in school? You know - the whole Peas n’ Mendel Lecture dutifully doled out in junior high? While some Indians and Pakistanis have light/hazel eyes, X has informed me no one in his family has light eyes. In short, if X and I have a bald-headed, blue-eyed baby it will be like winning the PowerBall. After all, we are gonna be fucking RICH after we sell our story to Lifetime television for what will surely be a Movie of the Week titled “My Baby was Switched at Birth”.

HELLO, people. INDIA. The land of Ghandi, Mother Theresa and chicken curry.

Are you backed up?

No - this will not be about the Joys of Fiber or methods of snaking out your personal plumbing. This is an exceedingly tiresome and boring post where my Evil Past as an information systems auditor rears its ugly head and cannot be contained. I like to claim that I was not much of an accountant, but I fear that maybe I was more of one than I care to admit. You see - I have a dirty secret. I back up my computer files. Faithfully. One of the distressing things about this Mac, is that I am still trying to figure out the best way to back up my photos - I am not impressed with the current way. This subject has come up recently as I have been telling people about my huge photo project where I am taking every loose photo hanging around and sticking it on blank pages - nothing remotely close to Real Scrapbooking, I should stress. I am merely trying to get the photos lassoed into actual albums with actual titles and actual dates (Rancid Tangent: Is this normally what happens when you have kids? The strong desire to have things be documented for them in case you are dead?). When I mention this project to people, I am quick to point out that I really prefer digital photos and digital albums - since I don't want it to appear that I have joined the Cult of Real Scrapbooking. Besides, how often do you truck out your physical photo albums for visitors anyway? I don’t. And I DO tend to look at my digital albums quite often. Furthermore, I would MUCH prefer to get a link to a friend’s digital album as well. Then, I can go out periodically and see what they and their progeny have been up to. Anyway, what has shocked me the MOST about this topic of conversation is how many times someone has commented “Oh, but then your computer crashes and POOF! all your photos are gone!”. HUH? Seriously - am I the only person backing up their files? Here’s how anal I am - since I am not working, I have no “2nd site of backup”, meaning - the only place my files are located are at HOME - therefore, I need to look into a safety deposit box or a fireproof box. When you have devoted as much time to photos and MP3s as I have, you wouldn’t want your backups to be stored in a non-fireproof situation, either. Okay - end of rant. In short, if you are not backing up your files - ask yourself , WHY NOT?

The Weekend at Rancid le Manse: It was a good one - I finished my sock class, but alas, not the actual sock. I have knitted the cuff and turned the heel. While I am not sure that I will be knitting a lot of socks (we'll see how I feel after knitting the 2nd sock of the pair!), I can report that learning this new skill was FUN. It was very, very cool to see this thing take shape. Later that evening, X and I went for a nice dinner of Chinese dumplings. He has been gone so much, it was wonderful to have a quiet dinner just the two of us. Sunday was spent puttering around the house with the TV blaring in the background to the tune of NFL (Note to the little Freeloader: You MUST like NFL Football and College Basketball. Don't bother coming out until you have learned the rules for both and have gained an adequate appreciation. And no, we will NOT love you for "who you are". Comprende?)

Freeloader Update: Nothing much has been going on, now I am 37 weeks along now and am considered “full-term”. Therefore, anything new and unusual is encountered with a newfound suspicion discovered this very weekend. As late as last week, new aches and pains were the course du jour - NOW, each new twinge is pondered quite closely for its 1st Stage of Labor Potential. It’s quite irritating. My Free Time is dwindling so rapidly, I don’t want to squander a precious second of it - my To Do list is still pretty long, although I have made damned good progress on it. I have a doctor’s appointment today, so we will see what she says.

What Made YOU the person you are now?

This week, I embarked on what I have been calling the Great Photo Project of 2005. While I never made a great accountant, there are certain qualities about me that could be considered, well, ANAL. However, I would argue that I really prefer things to be organized simply because I am ultimately LAZY - I hate to search for things. If they are organized, there is no searching. See my point? Anyway, this Project consisted of me buying a bare minimum of scrapbooking supplies (album, adhesive and blank pages), then sorting through all my loose photos hanging out in drawers, boxes, etc. I loosely organized them chronologically (i.e. grade school, junior high, high school, college, adult) and I am sticking them on blank pages to put in the album. I just want the things in a book - I am not doing fancy cut-outs! REAL scrapbooking is not for the weak of heart, folks and I know my personality would implode if I were to ever attempt such a hobby. I like my hobbies to be the relaxing sort - like knitting or reading. Anyway, I came across a few photos that seemed pertinent, somehow. Thought I would share.

Why do NOW, what you can do NEVER?

When I first came across this photo, I thought “Aw, there is me with my first kitty EVER, MaryAnn. Upon closer observation, I realized something. That was the infamous “franklin stove” in the background! That stove lived with us in no less than FOUR houses, yet was never hooked up and never had a fire built in it. I KID YOU NOT. My parents have this incredible propensity to just not get things done - they still procrastinate horribly on such projects and tend to let things fall apart a bit before they fix them. This scarred me and I try very hard now to be a good homeowner and not let things get so bad.


Born to be Wild.....

This was my first bike ever! Judging from the house the pic was taken (the beauty of having lived in so many houses as a child, it was relatively easily to date most of the photos), I was about 5-6 years old when this photo was taken. I remember getting the bike and the thrill of learning to ride it. If you can learn how to ride a bike on a GRAVEL road, you are ONE TOUGH KID, let me tell you. I remember the thrill of being able to get to places faster. What is shocking to me now, is that even at such a young age, I will still running around the neighborhood - except in this case, each neighbor owned a minimum of 15-20 acres. When I drive through that area now, I can’t believe my parents let me go that far from our house unattended. Granted, child molesters weren’t lurking in every corner back in the mid=1970s, but the copperheads and rattlers certainly were. Anyway, the picture was a stark reminder of how independent I was, even at such a young age.


Home Beautiful? How about just Home?

Ah, Christmas. Every Christmas was SO exciting. We would traipse through our own property and select the perfect tree. It was such a magical time and I was certain we surely had what was the most beautiful tree in all of Kansas. Um, look closely at that picture. How delusional could a 6 year old be? In my defense, I don’t think I knew better. My parents were hippies - our house was littered with macrame for cryin’ out loud! For the record, my dad STILL gets the ugly ass trees and declares them to be the best ever. This is why, as hard as I try, my house will never be a showcase. It’s just not in my genes.


Years of Cosmo Rehab STILL didn't help......

In my 20s, I read Cosmopolitan faithfully. Pictures like this should have made me realize I was just wasting my money. There was no hope. In the 80s, I would desperately try to follow every fashion trend and would look terribly ridiculous. Torn sweatshirt? I just looked like a homeless person. Spiral perm? Hair would never take them and I would end up with silly looking waves. Finally, by my late 20s, the most I learned from Sex and the City was that while the magazine was useless for the likes of me, the martini was mighty tasty.

Why does growing old have to suck?

Here’s hoping the Freeloader takes after his daddy: While I have dodged the Stretch Mark Bullet thus far, I am now the proud owner of an angry red slash from my IRON. Yep, I was merrily ironing away yesterday and my big ole baby belly GOT IN THE WAY.

Darwin be damned: Maybe our kid is screwed after all. X actually asked me late last night if I thought the kid was going to be born in the 1st two weeks of October or not (my due date is 10/15). I have tried to explain to him that a due date is merely an estimate. For all the baby stories I can give him of kids coming early, I can provide an equal amount of anecdotes proving that kids come LATE, too. Granted, I can’t blame X. Right now, he is under more than one gun -- his company has Something Really Good going on that may morph into Something Really Great - the very future of his company (and our livelihood) depends on this Something Really Great. Since X is the CEO of said company, it is slightly imperative that he be in Reston, VA in person as the company is actually headquartered THERE and not HERE where my pregnant ass is physically located. However, I have a strict policy that requires the father of my children be present for their births, so it is equally imperative that he be in town when I go into labor. And no, I am not mad. I can’t help but laugh when X asks these ridiculous questions regarding the potential birth date of our child - like I am keeping it a secret from him or something.

Even the Westin would suck if you were held captive: Growing old bites. My 84-year-old Great Aunt P is finding this out herself. Frankly, she can’t live by herself anymore. She frequently falls, doesn’t cook correctly for herself and just can’t make rational decisions. She got so weak and sick that she was admitted to the hospital last month and went to a nursing home for rehab. She is doing AWESOME now and of course, wants to go home. However, the nursing home she is in totally KICKS ASS (I have stayed in FAR WORSE hotels). Seriously, the place is really, really nice and even Aunt P admits this. In fact, the place has a waiting list a mile long, but my Aunt P got in because she has connections. I should also mention that members of my family don’t just go to nursing homes to waste away. In my family, you are guaranteed at least 1-2 visitors daily since we have the sheer numbers to keep the visitors log filled quite nicely. Anyway, she wants to go home and I certainly can’t blame her. It’s a very distressing situation with no real solution - all complicated by the fact that Great Aunt P is a sister-in-law of my grandma’s, her only son is tragically died a few years back and WE ARE IT for her. However, when you aren’t a blood relative, you can’t make decisions - regardless of how much you love that person. While Aunt P is accepting of a shorter life span if she gets to live it out in her home, it’s worrying my 82-year-old Normal Olathe Grandma into an early grave. At least Aunt P has a fabulous sense of humor - when I went to see her yesterday, she was proudly wearing her “Exercise Smells and Life is a Terminal Illness Anyway” t-shirt. I am not sure what the solution is, but it makes me wish desperately for a society where old folks are allowed to age gracefully and with dignity.

Rancid Review: I watched How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 7:30pm CDT Mondays) last night. VERY GOOD. It’s a story told backward, of sorts. It’s presented as if a father is telling his children the story of how he met their mother. The casting is great with Neil Patrick Harris as sort of a showcase, I never watched Doogie Howser, but did become a Harris fan when I watched one of his other sitcoms (the underappreciated Stark Raving Mad). In short, Harris takes the cake. If the storylines and the wittywriting keep up to par, this may be Harris’ starring vehicle. Alyson Hannigan (from “Buffy”) was also a great casting choice. If you missed last night’s episode, you can easily pick this show up next Monday. As with typical sitcoms, missing an episode or two won’t throw you completely off track. Finally, I was VERY impressed with the clever little twist thrown in at the very end of the episode. I am definitely looking forward to next week’s episode soI give it 4 out of 5 Rancid Sheep.

I also watched Out of Practice (CBS, 8:30pm CDT Mondays) last night. Stockard Channing and Henry Winkler play two doctors who are divorced with three adult children. One of the running gags, is that 2 of the adult children are actual doctors and the 3rd child is psychotherapist or something. It was pretty fun watching and I will watch it again. I am not sure yet if this will last the whole season on my DVR, so I may update this review. For now, it gets 3 out of 5 Rancid Sheep. Frankly, I am so desperate for an old-fashioned sitcom, I have been getting my hopes up pretty high this season. So far, I haven't been disappointed!