It is still a bit surreal that I am leaving the working world. Fortunately, it will be buffered a bit by the fact that I might be traveling nearly every week in July so it may just feel like an extended vacation at first. I don’t think it will sink in that I have really left until August. Frankly, leaving a job is usually anticlimactic. I always expect a big hubbub of excitement, but it generally ends with me quietly leaving the building by myself.
So, I get to work this morning and my Not So Supervisor (NSS) has left a card for me on my keyboard (she is not here today). It’s got two cute little puppies on the outside and the inside reads as follows:
Cagey,
I wish you the best. Enjoy your time with your baby.
Not So Supervisor
What? No “I really enjoyed working with you!”? No “You were the best employee EVER!”? No “Cagey, you ROCK!”? It was sadly apparent that she made the barest of feeble efforts to maybe ensure I don’t burn her in my exit interview this afternoon. I really don’t intend to burn her and I have practiced my speech accordingly. “NSS is trying really hard but I think she is in over her head. She just doesn’t have the maturity or experience for the position that she is in. Frankly, I do feel sorry for her because I know the position is stressful and she has had a lot thrown at her.” Does that sound like constructive criticism? I really don’t want to completely rag her, because then it just sounds like a vendetta. However, I do think that HR needs to know that she is not up to task in terms of being an effective leader.
Tonight, we leave for Vegas and I am MUY excited. As I have mentioned before, I have friends and family there, so I have been going regularly since I was a kid. I like to get there at least once a year and as I went twice last fall, I am tracking ahead of schedule. I am slightly sad that this will be my final kid-free trip for a long while – the last chance to hover at the craps table until 3:00 am or whenever my toes go numb – whichever comes first. However, at least I can rest assured that it won’t be my last EVER trip. Indeed, I have so many nice, cozy memories from my childhood that I certainly hope to provide my own children with such memories as well. I am not certain I will sneak the little Freeloader into a gaming area so he can pull the slots handle and I seriously doubt I will slip him keno cards on the sly, but I certainly wouldn’t mind taking him to feed the fish at Lake Mead. Anyway, we are staying at the Wynn which adds even more to the excitement as we haven’t stayed at a resort since our honeymoon. We don’t really have many plans other than meeting some folks for dinner, taking in a show or two and RELAXING. Oh, and LOTSA CRAPS. And a visit to the Bellagio Art Museum. And a visit to Gail’s Knits ( and Lord have mercy, there are having a summer SALE). I am hoping since my craps strategy won’t be grasped in the hazy confines of alcohol that I can hone to perfection my latest move of betting on the Come line. I made a little money from that in December and can’t wait to try it out again.
Of course, X is bringing the Love of his Life (laptop), so I may have the chance to post while there, but otherwise, I may go dark for the first part of the week.
June 30, 2005
June 28, 2005
Doing the Hokey Pokey?
I didn’t post yesterday in hopes that something fun and exciting would happen. Nope. Not happening. Last week was pretty bad, overall. By Friday, I was reduced to BEGGING FOR FOOD FROM STRANGERS. Friday morning started out nicely. I woke up early and had time to kill before our 12:30pm flight. I got coffee and a bagel then lounged in the pool area reading my book. I didn’t stock up on food because I had my boarding pass in hand and figured I would grab lunch at the airport. What I didn’t “figure” on happening was a security breach at Seatac. I didn’t plan on sitting in the security line for over an hour, not knowing when/if the line was going to move and if I would miss the only non-stop flight out for that entire day. I didn’t plan on my blood sugar plummeting to the point where I felt like I was going to faint and a kind lady next to me offered me some of her chocolate. We did make it through security, ran to our gate, where I promptly begged the air hostess for one of those creppy hydrogenated oils-laden snack packs. Then, the kind people sitting in my row offered some of their food – string cheese which at that point looked like MANNA FROM HEAVEN – REAL! FOOD! People, I was pulling the Pregnancy Card out left and right. I now completely understand how quickly someone can throw their pride to the wind when they are worried about their kid – because that’s what it was really about; I was worried about the little Freeloader. I realize in hindsight, I should have risked missing my flight, but all I could think of is that there were only 2 flights left for that day both of which got in well after 10:30 pm. Anyway, I did make it home. Eventually.
The other thing that happened last week is that the little Freeloader was a baby breakdancing machine ALL WEEK, ALL DAY. I suspect it was due to the stressful environment and that we were working in a huge room that was under construction. It was so loud, we spent most of the time shouting to communicate. Also, I was on my feet a lot and had to carry my chair around with me to even have a place to sit as I moved from machine to machine. Anyway, I quickly became spoiled by all the kicking around from the kid – this was proof that my own little Billy Elliott was ALIVE, after all. However, he was must have gotten exhausted because he didn’t move much over the entire weekend. Of course, that evil god of motherhood – Needless Paranoia - takes over at 10:00pm last night and I start convincing myself that he must be dead since I had thoughtlessly subjected him to low blood sugar and the whine of a construction worker’s drill. Thankfully, a big glass of orange juice and some firm pokes around the belly confirmed that while he was probably pissed off at me for waking him up, that he was at least alive. Little ingrate. Of course, according to his sonogram pic, the Skeletor Baby is at least a CUTE little ingrate.
The other thing that happened last week is that the little Freeloader was a baby breakdancing machine ALL WEEK, ALL DAY. I suspect it was due to the stressful environment and that we were working in a huge room that was under construction. It was so loud, we spent most of the time shouting to communicate. Also, I was on my feet a lot and had to carry my chair around with me to even have a place to sit as I moved from machine to machine. Anyway, I quickly became spoiled by all the kicking around from the kid – this was proof that my own little Billy Elliott was ALIVE, after all. However, he was must have gotten exhausted because he didn’t move much over the entire weekend. Of course, that evil god of motherhood – Needless Paranoia - takes over at 10:00pm last night and I start convincing myself that he must be dead since I had thoughtlessly subjected him to low blood sugar and the whine of a construction worker’s drill. Thankfully, a big glass of orange juice and some firm pokes around the belly confirmed that while he was probably pissed off at me for waking him up, that he was at least alive. Little ingrate. Of course, according to his sonogram pic, the Skeletor Baby is at least a CUTE little ingrate.
June 23, 2005
What’s your sleep number?
Well, this has been the worst of times, the best of times. The project has gone stunningly well. Um, SCARY well. Servers and workstations have been behaving in an orderly fashion, bending to my every whim, leaving me in slight disbelief. Unfortunately, as I mentioned before, we are actually staying and working in Tukwila - let’s just say that Tukwila is not prettiest girl at the dance. My hotel looks over the saddest little apartment complex called the Ponderosa Gardens. I’m still trying to figure out where the damned garden is.
However, last night, we did venture out to Seattle and made it to the waterfront to eat at a place called Elliott’s. Their tagline is “Elliott’s. Where Seattle goes for seafood”. While I was not entirely convinced that the masses of Seattle actually would endure the traffic, parking, freeway noise, and tourists to eat at this place, I will say the food and service was excellent. I was a little sad that I had to forgo the oysters, since that is their specialty (apparently, oysters are not an acceptable part of the little Freeloader’s food pyramid. Picky little guy.) We spent a little time walking along the waterfront and visited a place called the Ye Old Curiosity Shop which really DID house some old curiosities. They had freakin’ mummies in this place, which was quite cool. Cool enough that I felt compelled to spend a little money in a place that would offer me a glimpse of a 3-legged chicken, a 2-headed calf, an 8-legged pig and a mongoose wrapped up in a cobra’s coil as if in attack mode. Seriously – this stuff was worthy of Average Jane’s mantel! Surely the cost of a sweatshop sweatshirt was worth the price of admission?
The bad thing about this trip (or good thing, I guess) is that it has firmly driven home my decision to quit early and stay home during the summer. When I am bored senseless this summer from not working and no longer being so busy, I will use this trip as my touchstone back to reality. I am tired of being with negative people that do nothing but gripe about the “Fed this” and “the Fed that”. I am tired of the gossip. I am tired of spending 13 plus hours a day with someone who I have little in common with and makes comments on my eating habits. My goal this summer is to work in some optimism and simple happiness back into my life. I need to shed this shroud of negativity that has been draped over my shoulders for the past 22 months.
Finally, I am happy to report that I am actually a bit sleepless in Seattle (Come on! If you were here, you KNOW you would want to type those very words yourself.) The 2 hour time difference has really thrown me for a loop - I am sleepy when the sun is still up and am waking up while it is still dark. Furthermore, the pillows and the bed are a very mushy so I have been tossing and turning throughout the night. I can’t wait to get back to my firm bed and flat pillows. Ooooooo and the cats - the ultimate bedtime accessory for sleeping comfort.
However, last night, we did venture out to Seattle and made it to the waterfront to eat at a place called Elliott’s. Their tagline is “Elliott’s. Where Seattle goes for seafood”. While I was not entirely convinced that the masses of Seattle actually would endure the traffic, parking, freeway noise, and tourists to eat at this place, I will say the food and service was excellent. I was a little sad that I had to forgo the oysters, since that is their specialty (apparently, oysters are not an acceptable part of the little Freeloader’s food pyramid. Picky little guy.) We spent a little time walking along the waterfront and visited a place called the Ye Old Curiosity Shop which really DID house some old curiosities. They had freakin’ mummies in this place, which was quite cool. Cool enough that I felt compelled to spend a little money in a place that would offer me a glimpse of a 3-legged chicken, a 2-headed calf, an 8-legged pig and a mongoose wrapped up in a cobra’s coil as if in attack mode. Seriously – this stuff was worthy of Average Jane’s mantel! Surely the cost of a sweatshop sweatshirt was worth the price of admission?
The bad thing about this trip (or good thing, I guess) is that it has firmly driven home my decision to quit early and stay home during the summer. When I am bored senseless this summer from not working and no longer being so busy, I will use this trip as my touchstone back to reality. I am tired of being with negative people that do nothing but gripe about the “Fed this” and “the Fed that”. I am tired of the gossip. I am tired of spending 13 plus hours a day with someone who I have little in common with and makes comments on my eating habits. My goal this summer is to work in some optimism and simple happiness back into my life. I need to shed this shroud of negativity that has been draped over my shoulders for the past 22 months.
Finally, I am happy to report that I am actually a bit sleepless in Seattle (Come on! If you were here, you KNOW you would want to type those very words yourself.) The 2 hour time difference has really thrown me for a loop - I am sleepy when the sun is still up and am waking up while it is still dark. Furthermore, the pillows and the bed are a very mushy so I have been tossing and turning throughout the night. I can’t wait to get back to my firm bed and flat pillows. Ooooooo and the cats - the ultimate bedtime accessory for sleeping comfort.
June 22, 2005
What have I learned?
Yesterday was my 2 year anniversary with X. Yet again, we were in separate time zones for our anniversary, although this time I was the one in the Pacific zone and HE was the one in the East Coast zone. Hopefully, next year we will be able to finally celebrate the occasion together. We are planning a last Kid Free trip to Vegas next week, so really, I can’t grouse too much because after all, we do need to pay for the trip (my craps tab).
Anyway, when I think of how far we have come in 2 years, it is crazy how much has happened in so little time. The first year of marriage was so freakin’ hard! We didn’t live together before marriage, so it was quite a shock to our systems when we first lived together. Like, I had to COMPROMISE and SHARE which is just really not conducive to my personality. It’s a good thing that X is so calm and relaxed about most things. For the most part, he just lets me have my way, so that makes it easier for the occasions that I do compromise (give in). Would I still do it all over again (the not living together before marriage?) Yes. Definitely yes. Not living together created a clear demarcation for us. When we started living together, we were married and that was IT. There was no option of moving out, taking a break, or anything like that. In fact, one of my first impressions was the shock that after a fight, X had to stay - he couldn’t go back to HIS place. It forced me to WORK IT OUT and not be a big whiner. It also made me realize that fighting is usually a waste of energy and that getting along is so much easier (WHO KNEW THIS AND WHY WHERE THEY KEEPING IT A SECRET??). Given my personality, not living together before marriage really was the best situation for me. Now, it may seem that I have taken the responsibility for much of this arguing upon myself but truth be known, many of the disagreements are probably instigated by me.* X is very easy-going. Thankfully, X’’s mother was quite the feisty thing so he was well-trained for a wife like me.
Fortunately, the 2nd year was much better than the first, that’s for sure. We have hit a level of mellow expectations and are better at communicating. I think one of the #1 things that we practice is just common courtesy. Saying “please” and “thank you” can make all the difference. Also, I score a million more requests by asking ahead of time (POLITELY) and understanding that nagging really gets me nothing but an unhappy henpecked husband. Is it all roses? GOD no. But I have learned that it so freakin’ easy to get into an unhealthy mode of bickering and nitpicking – particularly if we are both stressed or sick. It is scary how quickly it can grow into an entire weekend full of nothing fun. I can understand how this mode of communication can easily grow into a Marriage of No Fun.
Finally, it sounds trite to say that “marriage takes work”, but it is true. It is far too easy to take for the granted the one person that I see the most and am closest to. I just try to keep an eye on the big picture and be happy that I got such a great husband. Score!
*This admission by me will never be known by X - that’s what he gets for not reading my blog, right? HA!
Anyway, when I think of how far we have come in 2 years, it is crazy how much has happened in so little time. The first year of marriage was so freakin’ hard! We didn’t live together before marriage, so it was quite a shock to our systems when we first lived together. Like, I had to COMPROMISE and SHARE which is just really not conducive to my personality. It’s a good thing that X is so calm and relaxed about most things. For the most part, he just lets me have my way, so that makes it easier for the occasions that I do compromise (give in). Would I still do it all over again (the not living together before marriage?) Yes. Definitely yes. Not living together created a clear demarcation for us. When we started living together, we were married and that was IT. There was no option of moving out, taking a break, or anything like that. In fact, one of my first impressions was the shock that after a fight, X had to stay - he couldn’t go back to HIS place. It forced me to WORK IT OUT and not be a big whiner. It also made me realize that fighting is usually a waste of energy and that getting along is so much easier (WHO KNEW THIS AND WHY WHERE THEY KEEPING IT A SECRET??). Given my personality, not living together before marriage really was the best situation for me. Now, it may seem that I have taken the responsibility for much of this arguing upon myself but truth be known, many of the disagreements are probably instigated by me.* X is very easy-going. Thankfully, X’’s mother was quite the feisty thing so he was well-trained for a wife like me.
Fortunately, the 2nd year was much better than the first, that’s for sure. We have hit a level of mellow expectations and are better at communicating. I think one of the #1 things that we practice is just common courtesy. Saying “please” and “thank you” can make all the difference. Also, I score a million more requests by asking ahead of time (POLITELY) and understanding that nagging really gets me nothing but an unhappy henpecked husband. Is it all roses? GOD no. But I have learned that it so freakin’ easy to get into an unhealthy mode of bickering and nitpicking – particularly if we are both stressed or sick. It is scary how quickly it can grow into an entire weekend full of nothing fun. I can understand how this mode of communication can easily grow into a Marriage of No Fun.
Finally, it sounds trite to say that “marriage takes work”, but it is true. It is far too easy to take for the granted the one person that I see the most and am closest to. I just try to keep an eye on the big picture and be happy that I got such a great husband. Score!
*This admission by me will never be known by X - that’s what he gets for not reading my blog, right? HA!
June 20, 2005
When is Tuesday?
I had planned to be clever and witty for today. Something along the lines that this blog may go dark this week - I am leaving in a few hours for a business trip to Seattle (TUKWILA, actually - bleh). The Fed is sending some of their operations from the downtown Seattle site to a brand new site and we need to go in to set things up. They claim we will have network access there, but well, seeing is believing - particularly when you work for the Fed.
Anyway, I couldn't compose anything entertaining for this morning because I spent a good portion on the phone with my insurance company (or rather, waiting on hold for my insurance company). Some idiot decided to ram into my car Saturday afternoon in the Target parking lot, then said idiot decided to up it a notch and be a JERK about it. I suspect it will be a game of "he said, she said" and that we will end up having to make the claim on our insurance. I don't normally handle these Life Injustices very well, but my fury is abating a bit with each passing day. Today, I think I have hit the 5 Year Rule point so it is not eating me as much. What's the 5 Year Rule? It's my own little mind game I play with myself. I try to convince myself that something won't matter in 5 years and that I should let it go because usually the very thing that I am obsessing over REALLY WON'T MATTER in 5 years. For example, a minor fender bender in the Target parking lot.
See, I feel better already!
Update: I am looking at my neatly clipped grass (the lawn service just left) and the fresh vacuum cleaner tracks in my office (the cleaning service just left). Gulp. What a nice (and timely) reminder as to how good I have it. Now THERE'S a little bit of perspective for my day.
Anyway, I couldn't compose anything entertaining for this morning because I spent a good portion on the phone with my insurance company (or rather, waiting on hold for my insurance company). Some idiot decided to ram into my car Saturday afternoon in the Target parking lot, then said idiot decided to up it a notch and be a JERK about it. I suspect it will be a game of "he said, she said" and that we will end up having to make the claim on our insurance. I don't normally handle these Life Injustices very well, but my fury is abating a bit with each passing day. Today, I think I have hit the 5 Year Rule point so it is not eating me as much. What's the 5 Year Rule? It's my own little mind game I play with myself. I try to convince myself that something won't matter in 5 years and that I should let it go because usually the very thing that I am obsessing over REALLY WON'T MATTER in 5 years. For example, a minor fender bender in the Target parking lot.
See, I feel better already!
Update: I am looking at my neatly clipped grass (the lawn service just left) and the fresh vacuum cleaner tracks in my office (the cleaning service just left). Gulp. What a nice (and timely) reminder as to how good I have it. Now THERE'S a little bit of perspective for my day.
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