April 27, 2010

The Mother's Day Gift Guide Men Wish They Could Write
(for Their Wives)

Mothers everywhere!  Prepare yourself for the Yawn Fest that populates much of the Mother's Day Gift Guide Industry.  You just know that all your mama really wants is a spa certificate, a mani/pedi, flowers, chocolates or the pièce de résistance of Mother's Day Gifts -- an afternoon sans children to luxuriate in her temporary non-mommyness.  (Hey, I am a mother and this is my particularly dreamy Mother's Day gift - an entire day in my house.  Alone. With nothing but the sweet, delicious hum of our refrigerator to keep me company. Did I mention in my houseAlone? )

But what about Daddy in all of this?  What about Daddy and his needs? Selfish mama.  Selfish.

Well, Daddy's needs a start in the bedroom and what more fabulous way to begin than with the Mominatrix book?  After all, Kristen Chase promises:

The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex will help you get back what’s rightfully yours. No harsh judgments, boring commentary, or embarrassing exercises. Just a frank, funny discussion about sex after kids for new moms and seasoned veterans. .......... So get ready to toss out those mommy jeans and dust off those handcuffs.
Really, this book is for mama, anyway.  Right?  And while you have the book, should you not have some tools of the trade?  How about a stop over at Eden Fantasys for some goodies that only a mother could love?  Daddy promises he won't be intimidated by whatever you choose.

And while pushing around some greens on a dainty dish sounds yummy, Daddy would prefer a steak (medium-rare, of course)  Let's finish that meal with a round of single malt, oak-aged scotch and then, we should head to the golf course.  After all, sweetie - we need to watch our waistlines.

What's that, babycakes??  Golf is not your game?  How about an afternoon at the shooting range?  There's nothing like a bit of guns n' ammo to get your adrenaline pumping. 

To top off this magical, special day let's head out for an evening at the ballpark.  With fireworks!

And after the fireworks in the bedroom and the ballpark?  Daddy would like to get cozy on the couch and fire up the Wii. Besides, all the experts say that a little role-playing is healthy for a relationship.

And finally, as a special, late-night surprise, Daddy will present you with your very own Gore-Tex rainsuit.  All you need to do is slip into it and let the magic begin......

It's all for you, sweetheart.

Pssst!! Um, Daddy, on the safe side, you probably should buy Mama a gift card from Snapgifts.com.  Just in case.


Mamma Sarah said...

LMAO! :-)

Average Jane said...

I look forward to the day when advertising is so personalized that I never have to receive another "Your mom wants this for Mother's Day" e-mail. 'Cause I just love a month of being reminded that my mom is long dead.

Bethany said...

A day with the house to myself?? What would that be like? HEAVEN, that's what!

I have to say, Eden's Fantasies and Daddy do not belong in the same sentence!

~dawn said...

Okay- I'll get him some of this stuff for father's day... if I remember when Father's Day is because I will be blind and deaf during all commercials giving the date for the entire month leading up to it... just like he is for Mother's Day... and Christmas and Valentine's Day... and any holiday that ends with, well the word Day!