February 27, 2007

What's the Big Idea?

X is leaving his company.

Wait, let me rephrase that.

X is leaving his company.

In 1999, X plunked his life savings down and started a company with two other guys. Those guys have long since been gone, although X did pick up two new partners along the way. When I first started dating X, he warned me that the company was based in Reston, Virginia and that eventually he would have to move back there. Fortunately, thanks to Giant Corporate Telecom we never had to move because there was always enough going on in the Kansas City area to warrant X's presence here. Since X would have to travel regardless, it was easier to live here near my friends and family.

In 2005, the company accepted investment money. From here on, I can't really say much. Big Scary Legal documents with Big Scary Words composed to the delightful tune "or else we'll sue your ass" are being drawn up, so that means I need to keep my cakehole nailed shut for a change of pace (imagine that!)

Over the years, we've had all the usual highs n' lows associated with running your own business. We were always the first to take a paycut, the last to get paid. A co-worker at the Fed once asked "why are you even working?" when I said my husband had his own business. Little did The Mouth even know, my salary was actually bigger than X's at that point. Our pores have seen a lot of sweat, countless holidays have been consumed, vacations interrupted and a honeymoon that wasn't so romantic when you are desperate for a cell phone connection in the White Mountains. However, it wasn't a problem taking the biggest risks because we were first in line for any potential Reward. Sure, a Reward that hasn't yet shown the whites of its eyes, but still, the company has provided us a nice life and I can't complain. Besides, we've learned many valuable lessons with this experience - lessons that hopefully we can parlay into something great with the next Big Idea that X is currently working on.

Last week was replete with tense moments, but I am proud that in the end, X stood up for himself - he ain't nobody's fucking coolie. Yes, I am very nervous about the future, but I am also very excited. I have complete faith in X and his Big Ideas.

And in the meantime, I am totally reminding him that I am now the only with a job in our house.

Budget Cuts 2007: Everyone's doing his part.
Molly Maid, you're on notice.

Budget Cuts 2007: Taking one for the team.
Sorry babycakes, it's gonna be last season's Gymboree for awhile.

February 25, 2007

What's wrong with veal? Isn't a filet mignon just giving the cow false hope anyway?

I totally neglected to include "nasty headcold" in my Litany of Woes from last week. Seriously, it was the scrumptious buttercream frosting on the shitcake that was baked in my honor. I am mostly over the cold now, but yet again, much like the last cold I just recovered from, I am now left with absolutely no accurate sense of smell. This could be considered a distinct advantage in some social circles considering the rodent carcass that is mummifying in my chimney as we speak. I have to say, this whole "decreased immunity thing" during pregnancy is kicking my ass - it makes it so much harder to get over a common cold, I can't imagine how it would be for some gals who face serious illnesses. Sure, I know my decreased immunity serves a purpose to protect NewKid, but DUDE, this is my THIRD cold this season. Normally, I get one, maybe two colds in a really bad season, but THREE? Bah.

Despite the crappy week, it actually ended quite well. On Friday, my mom came to babysit Arun so that X and I could go out for a fabulously Ridiculous meal at Cassis. We celebrated a belated Valentine's day and tacked on X's birthday to boot. I don't know what your version of "comfort food" is, but mine includes chilled foie gras with a pear confit, a veal chop with leeks and potatoes capped with a champagne mousse and a creme brulee sampler. YUM.

In a lame attempt to show my patriotism, I made an honest effort to watch the Oscars. I lasted until about 7:55pm, then gave up and got to work cleaning the house, then I tuned in again right around 10:00pm... snore..... X was on the Innernet while I was puttering around, so he kept me abreast on the happenings. I am recording it and will read the reviews tomorrow. If anything stellar happens (streaking, backflips), I'll bother watching it then so I can fast forward to the good parts. Life is too short to endure poor stand-up routines, mediocre musical numbers and overblown, overdressed egos. The best part was An Inconvenient Truth being voted in by a crowd that mostly arrived in Environment Killing Machines. As much as I don't care for watching the Oscars live, I'll definitely be gunning for the magazine racks when they release their Oscar Special Issues. I'm not the Tinman, after all.

February 21, 2007

Truel-nervous-very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am:
but why will you say that I am mad?

Bonus points to whoever guesses the obvious source of the quote from the post title.

All joking aside now. No one in their right mind, no matter how cynical or sarcastic would enjoy hearing an animal scrape its way to a sure death. The thing is, there was NO saving it. By the time we would have gotten a crew out here to tear apart the chimney setup, the squirrel would have been dead anyway. When he is gone for good, I'll start the fires going. The Critter Guy said that will help send the smell up the shaft via the rising hot air. Good thing I love incense, eh?

Just Monday I mentioned how boring my life was and how that was a luxury. A luxury that I do appreciate when it happens and I meant it. This has shaped out to be a very, very crappy week - crumbling teeth, dying rodents, heartbroken friends and a myriad of other things that I can't discuss here right now (maybe in a few weeks).

This week is precisely why I love, LOVE my 30s. If you were smart and mature in your 20s, then bloody good for you because I sure as hell was NOT. I was an utter fool. I had no Perspective and a week like this one would have had me curled up in a ball on my couch. But now I know that all these crummy things will pass. My husband, my toddler and my baby are all in good health, as am I. We have a nice life and a comfy home (which will soon smell, but even that'll pass). It's nice to have Perspective. I highly recommend it.

That said, please excuse me while I go have myself a good sob anyway.

What's that smell?

Oh my god.

2007 Squirrel Saga takes a morbid twist. The Critter Guy said that it appears a squirrel accidently fell down the shaft, not in the chimney, not in the surrounding "box", but instead, between the chimney and another pipe. For Muy, Muy Money (as in several thousand bucks or so), we could rip off the outside of our chimney casing and tear apart all that tubing to free the little fucker (the squirrel, not the Critter Guy). Or, we could let the little fucker die, light some fires and hope for the best.

See ya later - I'm off to buy marshmallows and hot dogs. Yeehaw.

Isn't it lovely?

One of my favorite sites, Throwing Things, gave me some lovely linkity love yesterday. At first, I was positively thrilled - I mean, when a site that you've admired from afar for so very long (nearly 4 years now) acknowledges that you share space in the blogosphere, you get a little excited. Then, you realize that your big day in the sun links all those nice folks directly to a post you've just recently written about a squirrel in your chimney. A post replete with foul language. Go me! I'm too sexy for this blog now.

Anyway, my favorite Throwing Things story is this:
I went to a book signing that featured the lovely Jennifer Weiner, who also happens to be the wife of Adam Bonin, one of the co-founders of Throwing Things (his solo blog is what I actually started reading first). So, I wait in line for my book to be signed and when my big turn comes, what do I do? I get all breathlessly fangirl on her about Throwing Things. Yep, her husband's blog. I then get more freaky on her by trying to convince her that YES, her and Adam should totally try out for the Amazing Race. Totally! Anyway, I think my friend that came to the book signing with me was more than a little embarrassed. But I'll bet Jennifer didn't sign her book with a heart. Ha!

Anyway, I have a doctor's appointment today - my 20 week appointment. Be sure to check back later for such thrilling updates on things like heartrates, urine tests, measurements, and weight gain because OMIGOD, the excitement never ends. I can't believe I am already halfway there with NewKid. With Arun, at the 20 week mark I was thinking more along the lines of "I'm only halfway there." This gestation is just flying right by. Whee.

February 20, 2007

Why does this shit always happen when I am pregnant?

“A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit!” - Carrie Bradshaw

The tree rats are back. Let me rephrase that - the fucking tree rats are back. Why us? Is our cedar shake roof some sort of Squirrel Siren Call? This time, it is only one and it is down in the chimney, except well, it isn't in the actual chimney, it is somewhere else that has something to do with our fireplace because I can hear the little fucker pawing and scratching away just above the fireplace.

For those of you just joining the program, the 2005 Squirrel Saga that happened a mere two weeks before I gave birth to Arun can be found at the following links: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, and the grand finale Part 6.

DAMMIT. The last little fiasco cost us well over $600. I can't begin to imagine how they will get that little fucker out of our fireplace chimney thingie. I could cry.

Actually, I think I will.

February 19, 2007

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

I love it when it sounds like Tornado Season has arrived 2 months early and the wind is tearing the roof off of my house. I also love waking up at 4:00 am to such racket.


I laid in bed for a good 30 minutes trying to determine whether that was Wind or Human trying to pry the windows off the house. Then, I tried to sleep for the next hour, and finally gave up around 5:30.

SO, the weekend started on Friday with high notes of Trauma and Drama, but quickly settled into a pleasing aura of Humdrum. First thing Friday morning, I got a call from my aunt saying that one of my great-uncles was in the hospital with chest pains. We didn't want my Olathe Grandma to hear it over the phone, in case she didn't take it well, so I went over her house to tell her. While there, I was eating a soft granola bar and somehow, someway, part of my very back tooth CRUMBLED into bits. I was completely freaked out by this because I have a recurring nightmare that my teeth crumble or fall out of my mouth. To have a nightmare come TRUE, in a way, is very, very creepy. Anyway. My great-uncle is fine (it was acid-reflux) and my tooth was filled this morning. I am still completely freaked out that such a large part of my tooth went MIA, though. It's creepy.

Not much else happened - I knitted, watched some television, we ate some good food and basically, I was very bored this weekend. By the end of naptime on Saturday, I was looking at the clock thinking "God, when is that child going to get UP and entertain my bored ass?" Last night, I pushed his bedtime to 8:45 pm because we were having so much fun wrestling around. Yep, a very boring weekend. But I am not complaining, because couldn't Boring be considered a luxury? I mean, how nice is that not having anything to worry about?

Sidenote: I don't get all the hoopla surrounding kids watching TV. Arun just started paying attention to TV awhile back and frankly, I can see the benefits of it. For example, this weekend we watched a little video on Noah's Ark and I could see that Arun got very excited over the the penquin, sea turtle and sea horse - probably because we had just seen them at the aquarium while in Boston. Sure, we've been reading books with those animals, but come on - - they don't MOVE. Of course, I wouldn't want him to watch television for hours on end, but there isn't much of anything I'd like for him to do for hours on end. If he sat and read books all day, I'd argue that wouldn't necessarily be a good thing, either. Obviously, I like to mix it all up and do a bit of everything each day. We have twelve, TWELVE, hours each day so there is plenty of time to fit it all in. Today, he went to the library for Rhyme Time, he played at the dentist's office with my grandma, he ran around outside, he played with his gazillion toys, chased the kitties, we worked on shapes, he read some books. And, he watched two programs on tv. Big deal.

Oh, oh, oh......for the all the Amazing Race fans out there, I'd like to point out that Throwing Things has one of the best open threads out there on it - the commenters usually come up with great points about strategy, entertaining sound bites and astute observations. I highly recommend it as a must-read first thing Monday morning if you're a TAR fan. I usually mention Throwing Things periodically because it seems like I have new readers, and I like to give a shout-out to one of my favorite sites on pop culture, politics, and entertainment. Anyway, I am pretty pumped about this season of TAR. The first episode was kinda meh, yet was STILL enjoyable to watch. At this point, I am totally rooting for Team Cha Cha Cha, the Beauty Queens, and of course, Rob and Ambuh. However, Team Guido and Mirna/Schmirna are fun to watch as well. I still don't get why Team Kentucky is so popular. shakes her head..... Regardless, I have HIGH hopes for this season. We deserve a good one after these past few stinky seasons.


No kid in sight and the lap is mine, mine, MINE.

Behind Bars

Yes, he's going up the stairs as I thought he would, but he doesn't go past the banister unassisted. For now.


He sat here quite comfortably for a LONG time. Someone is a wee bit obsessed with his bellybutton. In fact, he gets pissed if I put him in a bodysuit now because the No Access is so frustrating.

February 15, 2007

Can't we agree to disagree?

Again, with the "staying in" - it's in the upper teens here and I just didn't feel like bundling us up to fight the elements. Fortunately, it's harder on me than Arun but fortunately, I get to escape today because Cousin J is coming by this afternoon to babysit. Yeehaw.
  • I can't remember if I am repeating myself, but I have really come to enjoy the magazines Brain, Child and Wondertime. Both are really cool parenting magazines with thought-provoking articles that encourage enjoying your children and their childhood (imagine that!) No, you won't find any "how to get your kid to eat veggies"or "how to stop the tantrums" articles in these mags - that's precisely why I don't like the other publications because I always feel itchy and on edge after reading them. I hate the "you're doing it wrong/do it this way instead" slant those other mags seem to take on. I like Brain, Child and Wondertime because I always feel refreshed, inspired and excited about parenting after reading them. And really, shouldn't we ALL feel that way about parenting?
  • The Kansas City Stitch n' Bitch is meeting this Sunday at the Cafe Roasterie for it's 1st Annual Stash Swap. Bring in your old skeins of yards for swapping. The KCSnB has been going really well! Nearly every meeting we've had at least 5 people and what's exciting is that it's always a different set of folks. If everyone ever happens to show up all at once, we'll have easily 15 folks. Which will totally freak me because the table we reserve is for about 8.
  • Well, it's official. Arun is weaned at 16 months. I nursed him on the trip out to Boston, but not at all while we were there. Frankly, I didn't think about it and he didn't ask for it. We both sorta forgot. On the trip back home, I decided to just be done with it. However, on the flight from Chicago to KC, his ears started bothering him and he would not take a drink for anything so I did nurse him that last time. But he hasn't asked since. I am very comfortable with how it all went down. We were both ready, there was no trauma or drama. He nursed as long as he apparently needed to and that's a good thing. I am not really sad about his weaning himself, but that's probably because I have NewKid lurking around the corner.
  • Speaking of NewKid, this little tyke moves SO MUCH. I am so grateful - I was very spoiled with Arun being such a kung fu fightin' hamster and know that if NewKid is a quiet one, that will make me nervous. To have a baby that moves all the time is a such a blessing because it's a constant reminder that they are still ALIVE. Also, I've already picked out boy and girl names, but X won't even discuss it until we have our sonogram in about 4 weeks. Yes, we are going to go with Indian names and will totally fuck around with the spelling so that people will think "Gawd, R U trying to be KEWL?"
  • Time and time again, I hear stories of people being upset when their pediatrician disagrees with how they are doing something. I'm not going to go into specifics, but there have been several instances where my ped and I have disagreed. The most recent is the big milk vs. soymilk controversy. I am well aware that children need a high fat diet for proper brain development. I did research on serving sizes, fat content, etc. and I make sure that Arun gets the same serving size in Stonyfield baby yogurt that he would have gotten in whole milk (a toddler only needs 16 oz per day of whole milk). Arun will not drink milk like he drinks soymilk - I have thrown out gallon after gallon of spoiled milk trying to fight the Good Fight. I am not going to fight the issue any longer when soymilk has TONS more nutritional value than milk does anyway (do a cup by cup comparison - Silk Soymilk Enhanced wins by a landslide, it's just missing rhe fat). I am also not going to argue with my ped. It's her opinion. And I do value her opinion and in general, agree with her approach to things. However, like all doctors, she is human and we do not see eye-to-eye on everything. I am not going to stress about it and I don't think other parents should stress when they disagree with their doctors, either. Of course, I am not saying I would ignore my doctor, and I do take what she says into consideration. But I don't get myself into a tizzy when she disagrees with me. And really, who knows your child best? I would argue that parents know their child best and maybe in some cases, knowledgeble, reasonably educated parents probably know what's better as well.

February 14, 2007

If "Fantasy Island" really granted wishes, then
why wasn't Tattoo 6'2" ?

All day long, I've read posts that either mourn Valentine's Day or celebrate it. I'm Switzerland, frankly. I just don't care about it. It's a day that smacks of obligation and I would rather X not waste his time and energy on it. Our first Valentine's together, I told him to buy me a card and that would be the only one he would ever have to buy. And for gifts, I usually just buy something around that same time period, then give him a Get Out of Jail Free card - it eases both of our guilt that way (i.e. my purse purchase from last weekend, for example). We do use the holiday as an excuse to go for a nice meal, but we rarely go on the actual day itself because who really wants to fight the teeming crowds? X is out of town this week anyway, so we'll just go next week for something fancity fancy. I feel old for saying it, but mushy romance is over-rated. My husband is so sweet and good to me 364 days out of the year, why would I pressure him to make grand gestures on one particular day just because Hallmark said he must ? So, my conclusion regarding Valentine's Day is that Cupid is a schmuck selling snake oil.

So......yesterday was actually quite nice just staying in. Again, it helps that we rarely stay in and it probably didn't hurt that we had been gone over the weekend anyway. What wasn't nice is that we had run out of lemonade right before we left for Boston and I hadn't stocked up again. I was in pretty bad shape by the end of the day I wanted something sour SO BAD. My predicament wasn't helped by the fact that I had to stare at a bunch of Mike's Hard Lemonade every time I opened the fridge. I did break down and drink one, but I hate to waste precious alcohol consumption on a stupid Alco-Pop. I would rather have a quality glass of wine. Anyway. Oh, and I have already caught Arun starting to walk up the stairs holding the banister. I was really enjoying our gate-free existence, but up again they must go.

Confession, Internet: I don't actually like shopping on the Internet. Oh sure, I'll "window" shop on the Internet, but then I'll usually head out to a Brick n' Mortar establishment for the actual transaction. For most things, I like to see, feel, touch, sit on or try on whatever it is I am buying. For the commodity-type of purchases (makeup, books, etc), I loathe paying shipping for what I can buy in person (Exception: the Estee Lauder and Obagi products I buy online because they are WAY cheaper). So, despite all the kind suggestions for the rocker, I will be trolling antique malls in person. My ass needs to actually test the rocker before I purchase it. For the mascara, I am going to try Monkey's suggestion of Maybelline's Full n' Soft. Will report back on that.

Speaking of Monkey, she had a great post today on arranged marriages (look in the section titled Cultural Rubbernecking). Basically, her parents are going to pick 3 guys, hide 'em behind 3 doors and then, well you know the drill from there. I think a suitcase full of gold is involved, but I wasn't clear on the details. And for those of you who know, read and love Monkey, you are already aware of what a meek, timid, tiny wisp of a thing she is, just on earth here to do her parents' bidding. (If only!)

Actually, the way many people act towards arranged marriages irritates me to no end. The same folks that have no issues trolling bars and the Internet for Mr./Mrs. Right, bristle at the thought of a parent having a hand in meeting a potential mate. Also, to be clear, most so-called arranged marriages (at least the ones I have seen over the past 17 years) are probably closer to what could be termed "arranged dating". Besides, until so-called "love" marriages can get their divorce rates under the 50% mark, I don't think ANYONE should be smirking or rolling their eyes or exclaiming "OMIGOD, I could never.....

Ah, Love is in the air. Happy Valentine's Day!

February 13, 2007

Okay, I get that she's comin' around the mountain. But who is she? Why is she coming? Where'd she come from? Where'd she get the horse?

After Monday's dramatics, we're back to your regularly scheduled blather.
  • Today I declared a Rancid Raves Snow Day. Since we usually go out every day, it was actually nice to stay in for once. I even ordered pizza from Papa John's - Veggie Lover's with Pepperoni thrown in for a touch of gastric irony. YUM.
  • What sound does an elephant make? I know they "trumpet" but how the fuck do you imitate that? Does a zebra "whinny", "snort" or "neigh"? What sound does a bunny make? I've heard one squeal but that was probably because a bullsnake was wrapped around its hutch. I think even I squealed when my friend's mom hacked the snake with a hoe.
  • Speaking of bunnies, that Pat is one crazy fool. And Dad's sandpaper "beard" is just creepy. Why is that book a classic?
  • Why do these baby board book people think that an "oryx" makes for a great example of a desert animal? How about a scorpion? Let's be sensible, folks.
  • Body Parts Countdown: Nose, Ears, Mouth, Hair, Tummy, Bellybutton, Knee, Foot, Toes. We're working on Tongue and Hand tomorrow. Did you know that a simple bellybutton provides an endless source of admiration, adulation and amusement for a toddler?
  • Is anyone else bothered by the cloudy water in Dorothy's fishbowl in Elmo's World? How does that fish even BREATHE? I think PETA needs to be keeping on top of this sort of shit and leave those poor supermodels alone.
  • Arun is so close to opening doors it makes my head spin. He's got the "twisting" part down to a science, but is still just short enough that he can't twist, fully reach AND step backward all in one motion. Thank GOD. However, that twisting skill is a pain in the ass because he can unscrew caps off of bottles. Don't ask how I know that.
  • Ring Around the Rosy makes me awfully fucking dizzy.
  • I had to pluck a few eyelashes today. Is that weird? My eyelashes are insane - I have to curl them everyday, sometimes even twice a day. Then a few will get out of control and get tangled with my lower lashes which drives me crazy. They refused to be tamed by the eyelash curler which means I have to resort to plucking them. I've always had this problem - when I was a baby, someone asked my mom if they were real. Sure, it was the 70s, but come on. While we're on the topic of eye fringe, I'm getting desperate for some Max Factor 2000 Calorie mascara - I can't find it anywhere. I'm using L'Oreal's Voluminous and that stuff just isn't cutting it.
  • Poor Arun. The kid had no fighting chance with the eyebrow genes. I'm sporting anorexic caterpillars on my forehead and his daddy has obese ones. Arun was born with baby ones. I noticed they were looking a little crazier than usual and upon closer inspection saw that he must have gotten smashed bits of bananas in them and they had hardened. Because he's classy like that.
  • Yeah, we're definitely getting out the house tomorrow.

He had a good day and got to spend it in his pajamas.

He's been walking up and down stairs holding our hand for awhile now. But using this side table? He just discovered it.

You know what's coming next, don't you?

February 12, 2007

When do you let go?

I had a Bad Parenting Moment today. Recently, a Chik-Fil-A opened near us and they have a great toddler-friendly play area. The food is okay, not overly greasy and the service is super. So, Arun and I have went a few times. Today, we went with my friend S and her daughter A for lunch. The problem started when we went into the playarea. There were several kids there who clearly did not have parents in the area supervising them, even though signs say parents should be in the play area. These kids were pretty rowdy and loud, but did not seem overly aggressive. Arun almost immediately scampered to an area of the tunnels where I could still see him, but couldn't actually get to him. The structure itself wasn't unsafe for him, but I felt nervous with him being so unreachable. However, I struggled with feeling like a Nervous Nellie and X often says I am too paranoid. And Arun was having a blast up there.

But, of course, the inevitable happened.

Arun started crying because a little girl did something to him - what it was, we'll never know, but there are no lasting injuries or any that left a mark, at least. I managed to reach him and pull him out, but it was rough going. I twisted my hamstring in the process and NewKid was probably smushed a bit.

Obviously, I made a mistake letting Arun go into the structure. I am a genius with that 20/20 hindsight shit. However, I am always conflicted with that need to protect Arun and that desire to let him explore his surroundings. I guess the key is he can't do that stuff until he can talk? Or hit back? When? It didn't help that I was PISSED OFF that parents were just letting their kids run amuck while they enjoyed a quiet Kid Free meal in the dining area.

Anyway, today was a disheartening day. I left the place feeling furious with those irresponsible parents that spoil it for everyone else, but mostly I was very angry with myself for not protecting Arun.

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?

Last week, I mentioned I had a ton of Little Things to do. To that end, I started, completed and e-filed our taxes. I finished up some bank business. I completed some projects around the house. And finally, I packed for our trip to Boston which we took over the weekend. I felt sneaky not mentioning on Thursday that I was leaving for Boston that day, but with all the negativity on the blogosphere lately, I just didn't feel like announcing to the Internet that I would be vacating the premises. Nah, I will never be the caliber of blogger that actually needs to worry about that kind of stuff, but why take the risk? So, we went to Boston over the weekend to visit our friends, S and A. I always say that packing-wise, Less is More and here's the proof:

All that's missing from that snap is the carseat, but yes - that's all I took for our 4 day trip. The visit was very nice - Arun, as usual, did stellar during the "actual travel" part and as usual, really struggled on the "sleeping in a different environment" part. Sigh. Does it get better when they get older? I am very grateful that he loves airports and airplanes so much, but the not sleeping has become even more stressful these past 2 trips.

Anyway, on Friday everyone else had to work and of course, here I am on my usual Extended Life Vacation with nothing to do. I quickly realized that a roadtrip would be nice so that Arun could nap in the car and catch up on his sleep. So, I decided to run to Kittery, Maine for the afternoon to visit the outlet shops there. It worked out perfectly - Arun snoozed on the way there. We only visited 2 shops - I snagged some $4 Carter's pajamas for him and a new purse for me. I love this purse SO MUCH I may have to draw up a prenuptial agreement for it. It's a basic black leather bag that doesn't look like diapers may be lurking in its depths. It's a little too big right now, but will be perfect for when I'm schlepping TWO sets of diapers.

On Saturday, the guys had things to do, so S and I went to the New England Aquarium. I couldn't help but tease S when she asked if I could drive us into Boston because it makes her nervous - of course, I wanted to drive. I LOVE driving. But it still cracked me up that I am supposed to be the hick from sticks and SHE is supposed to be the local. (Note: The NE Aquarium is pretty nice, but I am still partial to Baltimore's ($21.95 per adult). Still, that said, New England's ($17.95 per adult) is infinitely better than San Francisco's ($13.95 per adult), which I thought was a ripoff.) It was a nice day, Arun enjoyed the fish and such, but I always leave such venues hating humanity in general. The rude behavior gets to me after awhile. Oh say, the guy who is determined to take a billion photos of the fish on his crappy digital camara. So, he totally hogs a display while others wait because this asshole thinks he is the next Ansel Adams. I say, buy a fucking National Geographic, get a gander at some real wildlife photography and get over yourself already. Bah.

Later that afternoon, S and I met up with the guys and headed over to the new LL Bean in Burlington. This afforded me the opportunity to try on those shoes I mentioned. Innernets, you spoke and I listened! I went with the red shoes. Actually, I really appreciated all the comments because I am so plain when it comes to fashion and it was good for me to hear all the comments urging me towards the red. I needed to live a little. Is it too pathetic that the only pair of red shoes I currently own are SNEAKERS? Don't answer.

Saturday evening, we headed over to the Chinese restaurant (The Sichuan Gourmet at 502 Boston Post Rd in Billerica, MA) that has actual Chinese people as patrons - I was one of 3 white people in the establishment, there were a handful of Indians and the rest were East Asian. I can't begin to tell you how utterly yummy this food was - the thing I usually hate about most chinese places is that the sauces are gooey, sweet, syrupy concoctions - not this place. The food was very simple, but not plain and OH MY, it was spicy. Even the two South Indians, X and S, were sweating it up. Awesome. Also that evening, we picked up some things at an Indian bakery called Hot Breads (438 Main St., Woburn MA).

Sunday was very lowkey - just hanging at the house scarfing down all of our Hot Breads purchases. Visiting S and A while pregnant is mighty convenient - I haven't even detailed the treats that S cooked for us. I have to say that it was nice to stay in a Kid Free house for the weekend. I mean, yeah - OUR kid was there, but the house was definitely Adult. I didn't realize how much I missed using a toilet roll dispenser or how much I miss a non-cluttered environment.

The trip back home was fairly uneventful, but was more work because I was traveling alone with Arun. And it was the first airplane trip that he didn't sleep for the most part. Meaning, he was AWAKE. And in need of entertainment Desperately. The leg to Chicago wasn't too bad because an incredibly kind gentleman was very patient with the fact that Arun was obsessed with him and insisted they play together. The leg from Chicago to Kansas City was a different story when it was so obvious the Hot Young Chick sitting next to us didn't want to be bothered. And I didn't blame her, but she kept smiling at Arun, which only made him think she was interested. I finally told her and I quote "I won't be insulted if you ignore him and read your magazine." and she replied "Oh good!" Honestly? We were both relieved because she was just making my job harder. Finally, Arun got the message that he was being rejected and in swift toddler fashion moved on to picking spare peanuts off of the floor. I dramatically underestimated the amount of books/toys I would need on the flight home and let's just say that a cup of ice and a straw totally saved my ass.

Lesson learned: Five board books, an old wallet with expired hotel keys, one toy car, one miniature drum stick, a set of plastic keys, one finger puppet, the Skymall catalog and Spirit magazine are not enough for a toddler. Oh, and allotting only 5 diapers per day.

Definitely, most assuredly, NOT ENOUGH.

February 8, 2007

What is the point of comment spam, other than to drive me batshit?


  • The comment spam is getting to me. I hate to turn word verification back on, but I hate to let comment spam linger out there. It's bad enough that all old comments were lost when I shut down Haloscan commenting, so it looks like crickets are chirping away on those old posts, but to have comment spam on them is just sad and pathetic. I've shut down comments on a few posts that were hardest hit, but I would think that is confusing to get OLD posts in Bloglines and Google Reader - unless you would really like to read all about NippleMunch 2005 again. Opinions? Should I just leave comment spam up? Should I turn on word verification? Should I get a life?
  • Regarding shoes - thanks for all the opinions! I am definitely going to live a little and go with the red. Which will be my ONLY pair of red shoes. Sad, eh?
  • Regarding the rocker, Flybunny spurred my memory of a place near Lawrence. I am also going to hunt antique malls. Estate auctions are a great idea, but not really feasible for me right now with Arun in tow.
  • Whenever I've mentioned my two book clubs, I've had so many people here pine wistfully for one. I do feel fortunate that 1) I have a group of friends who read and 2) are willing to meet in person periodically. Both of those things are sometimes hard to find. I am thinking of starting something on-line. It would work like this, I would pick a book (say Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf, which I am considering) and state the date we would discuss it (say March 22nd, which is 6 weeks from now). I'd leave that post up as the most current one Thurs-Mon for discussion in the comments - that would cover the folks that use work for blogging AND the folks that use the weekends to blog from home. What do you think? Am I crazy? Is this already being done? I've seen on-line book clubs before, but none open to anybody and everybody who wants to pop by and make a comment.
  • Is anyone else bothered by this knife set? I actually saw this featured in Redbook with verbiage that said "This kitschy knife set will be to him what the "You know better" look is to the kids: a reminder of what you'll do if "baby" goes a little too far." I was shocked when I saw that and read it twice. How offensive! If this was featured in a men's magazine, people would be UP IN ARMS - probably, even Meredith Viera would jump on this bandwagon. Anyway, shame on Redbook.
  • Warning: Cute Kid Stories heading your way...... Arun is full-swing imitation mode, which of course is very fun. The other night, we were watching 30 Rock and as Paul Reubens was sputtering all over his birthday cake, blowing out the candles, Arun starting walking around and sputtering away, too. I also declare Toddler Dance Moves to be the cutest EVER. I call it The Bob because they bob up and down on their knees.
  • Speaking of 30 Rock, if you don't know what I am talking about, why not? That show is definitely a worthy successor to the Arrested Development throne. The recent episode with Paul Reubens was GOLDEN. It also reminded me of the Alec Baldwin/Paul Reuben's connection on Pee Wee's Playhouse. Anyway, great show.
  • When Average Jane was over here last, her hubby played Arun's drum for him. Now, Hubby is a VERY good drummer and Arun actually got scared. However, now Arun is a little obsessed with the drum.........

Little Drummer Boy

I love the dorky snaps.

Of course, I like these, too.

February 7, 2007

Seriously, is Cracker Barrel my only option?

This is one of those weeks. It's not a bad one, but it is chock full of Little Things That Must Be Done. Preferably without a toddler at my knee. But damn you! And all your Blogs That Beckon. Quit updating because I care FAR more about all those Little Things going on in your life than dealing with those in mine.

Anyway, I am on the hunt for a rocker. Not a mega-expensive, super fancy glider. A plain, basic, wooden ROCKER - a nice old-fashioned Kitty Tail Cruncher. Something that later on can lurk in my basement for decades, then be passed to my heirs so that a hundred years from now they can take it the Antiques Roadshow to witness Leslie and Leigh Keno's descendents get so excited over it they can't contain their stiffies as they try to hump it - which by then will probably be perfectly acceptable on live TV. Folks, I want THAT kind of rocker.

When I was pregnant with Arun, I had no idea I would use one - my sister hadn't, so I didn't bother buying anything. About 6 months in with Arun we realized that he would probably appreciate a little rockin'. However, as Arun would be my only "little" baby since we were going to adopt Kid #2 hahahahahahaha, I didn't really want to buy a NEW rocker. So, I found one at a garage sale and it's done quite nicely, except for the fact that it is BROKEN and on the verge of COLLAPSING. And if you read yesterday's post, you are aware that I am not going to be losing weight anytime soon, yes. We have an increasing need for another rocker. However. I've perused several furniture stores and am at a loss. Innernets, where the hell does one find a ROCKER these days?? Am I just stupid?? Wait, don't answer that one.

February 6, 2007

What goes Bump in the night?

It's bad enough to be pregnant and each morning have to face a closet full of clothes that hate you (some of them even sneer and cackle, which is quite insulting). It's even worse on a Saturday evening when you are attempting to get ready for a gathering that includes not one, but TWO other pregnant gals. That night, I obsessed over what to wear. Which caught me by surprise - I didn't realize how bothered by the whole thing I was until I stood there trying on shirt after shirt after shirt. I can still wear my non-maternity clothes, but they look like crap on me. Much of my maternity wardrobe is still too baggy. Sigh. Furthermore, I didn't want to look "more" pregnant than the other gals because they are ahead of me in weeks. Then again, I wanted to look pregnant "enough". The other two gals ended up not showing up for the gathering and that's when I realized how stressed I was about the whole thing.

Then I came across this article by titled Bump that discusses women's changing perception of body image during pregnancy and the increasing pressure on celebrities to remain stick thin while sporting a basketball-sized baby bump. It made me think a little more of how my body image has changed over time. For the most part, I am more comfortable with my body than I have ever been - it's when faced with the prospect of being compared to other pregnant women that I break out in hives. When I gain weight, my stomach has always been my weak spot - other women fret about their butts, hips and thighs - not me. It's always been my stomach. Always. However, while I'm pregnant, it doesn't bother me that I am gaining wait in my stomach - quite the opposite. For once, there is a valid reason for that Bump. No, what bothers me is when people make comments that I look further along than I am. Unfortunately, it's still not considered to say "Fuck off" in Polite Society when folks can't suppress their surprise that my due date is farther along than they thought. Whatever.

I've mentioned my weight several times in regards to Pregnancy Weight - I am not necessarily that concerned about gaining weight, I would just like to keep it to a reasonable 25 pounds or less. Despite the appearance of Vanity, it's actually for Practicality. With my height and normal weight, I would be absolutely miserable if I gained more than 25 pounds. Besides, it helps with losing the weight - I had lost all my pregnancy weight by the time Arun was just 3 weeks old. So no, I am not dieting (hardly!) but do try to eat responsibly once I am past the 1st Trimester.

Anyway, the article is worth reading.

February 5, 2007

Whose shoes?

I am a liar.

That's one of my favorite strange loops. Ever. I said I'm a liar, it must be true. But..... I just said I am a liar, then I must be lying when I say I am a liar. Hey........wait a second....

AnyWAY, I've laid claim to the notion that I don't like shoes all that much. That's not entirely true, it may be even a bit of a lie. I adore casual shoes and every summer have to talk myself out of buying yet another pair of sneakers or sandals. This is much, much more difficult now that my wardrobe is pretty All Casual, All The Time. Normally, I'm a Keds girl, but I received an LL Bean catalog in the mail and I am currently totally besotted with a pair of sunwashed canvas slides. Which I don't really need, except that I am going to be pregnant, then post-partum this summer. And GEE WHIZ, wouldn't it be convenient to have a pair of sneakers that I can just slip into as I am wrestling a toddler and a newborn? Will I really have TIME to bend over and TIE shoelaces? I think not, Internet. I haven't decided between the sage and red color - opinions, anyone? Sage would go with everything, but damn, red would be fun for a change. I am terrible about only buying black, brown and neutral toned shoes (and clothes, for that matter). Anyway, I've never purchased shoes over the Internet before and that is the part holding me back.

As a peace offering for the boring posts about music and shoes, I offer up some Simian Snaps......

A Suitable Auntie

Monkey sent a gift! With Lots! Of! Parts! Believe you me, she is the most popular Auntie going in our house right now. A toy with basic shapes, a magnet and AND wheels? She's golden.

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

Don't let his demeanor fool you. He's guilty.

Green Eyed Monster

No Bogeyman here......Just a Boogerman......

Whoa. When did that happen?

I noticed the Oscar nominations with barely a passing glance. At this point, I have so many other things I'd rather do in my precious Kid Free Time that sitting slackjawed in a movie theatre for 2 hours isn't one of them. Particularly, when I can sit slackjawed at home snuggled in my couch and watch a movie on the Ridiculous TV in quiet comfort. The bonus is not having to deal with the Rudies - teenagers, cellphones, and people who think their toddler really should run up and down the aisle during an adult movie. So, I DO love movies, I'd rather watch them at home (except for favorites such as Harry Potter and Wallace and Gromit). However, the problem with the Oscars is that so many of the movies are recent, they aren't in DVD yet. Therefore, I am way outta the loop come awards time. Okay. Fine. Whatever. My opinion didn't count anyway and I am well aware of that

But. I noticed the tide turned musically. It used to be that I was pretty clueless with current music. My iTunes was stocked full of my favorites but most of it was rather old, unless an artist I was already familiar with released something new. Oh sure, I would listen to FM radio, but I could never catch the who the artist was, so I was clueless. Fairly soon after Arun was born, we got the Ridiculous Car which came with XM radio. We've been happily enjoying it since, but I hadn't thought much of it. The other day I heard an ad for the Grammys and realized that I was actually familiar with quite a few of the artists and songs nominated this year. Enough that I may very well be watching it this Sunday. Weird.

February 3, 2007

How bad am I?

Pet Owner of the Year
I am pretty picky - maybe even anal retentive - when it comes to certain things. An example would be opening bags and boxes, etc. I hate it when X just rips into things. I have a handy-dandy pair of Pampered Chef kitchen shears hanging by our stove just for the purpose of cutting bags and such. Neatly. Nicely. It makes it much simpler to close them up later. X? Totally doesn't get this and thwarts my efforts at every turn. So, as usual, he rips open his bag of cashews. Then leaves them in his suitcase. Which Arun discovers. I turn around and cashews are strewn all over the floor. However, our cat Pearson does this "cashew strewing trick" as well. I realize I can scoop the kid up and leave the house, thus pretending I didn't see the mess, hoping that X will see the mess and furtively clean it up so I don't discover he left an open bag of nuts for Pearson to dig into. It worked! The beauty is that neither X nor the cat is the wiser of my nefarious plot of deception.

Daughter of the Year
My mom watched Arun last night. When we went to pick him up, she told me she couldn't find the wipes and used moist towelettes instead. The kind you use after consuming a meal of barbecue or seafood. The kind with alcohol in them and a fresh lemon scent. The kind that probably shouldn't touch a baby's ass. After mercilessly giving her crap about it, I told her "You know this is going on my blog, right?"

Wife of the Year
So, Handbag Negotiations are completed. I will be getting a new purse after throwing in my Birthday and Valentine's Day in the ring. I purposely withheld Mother's Day knowing that I will see the Hangbag of my Dreams that throws me overbudget. However, I can now triumphantly whip out Mother's Day from my sleeves.

Mother of the Year
As Arun and I were tooling around in the car today, I was going through various animal sounds. After I asked Arun what sound a dog makes, I came upon a yellow light just as I needed to make that split second decision of Slam It or Gun It. Now, my son thinks a dog goes "Oh, fuck.

February 2, 2007

Who moved my cheese?

I'm embarrassed to admit I am starting to have an issue with this manchego cheese. It's a spanish cheese with a slightly sour, nutty aftertaste. Basically, it's a bit o' heaven aged to perfection. However, it's fucking expensive so I've been hiding it from the men in my life. A toddler has no appreciation for a fine cheese when Kraft will suffice and X has a tendency to leave cheese unwrapped and opened in the fridge. I buy X his own cheese and vow never to look too long or hard at it.

However, my little boy? He's got his mama's taste in cheese. The sly kid keeps swiping my nice cheese off my plate despite my insistence gestures that he eat "Arun's cheese". The little stinker is probably well aware that I'm such a sucker for gemstone eyes.

Note from Management: Yes, I am posting a lot over the next few days. For new kicks, I am trying out a "steam of consciousness" style of posting. It's actually fun to write, not sure about the reading part. Bear with me. It'll soon be over.

What's your limit?

Last night, Goofy Girl and I met for a yummy dinner at Garozzo's with our kids in tow. When we made our wine choices, I snickered. As I lovingly caressed my precious, precious glass of Doctor Approved Pinot Noir, I mentally thought, "Fuck off, Meredith Viera. Babysit THIS". Then, Goofy Girl and I polished off our glasses and tore the house down. Crazy times, my friends. Cuh-razy times.

To those of you living in a cave, I am referring to the whole Today Show episode with Drinking, Drunkard Mothers. Melissa of Suburban Bliss totally took one up the ass for The Team and we owe her - a drink, perhaps? Personally, I doubt I will ever serve alcohol at our playgroup, but that's because we meet in the morning. Unless I am on a lake, at an all-day concertpalooza or in Las Vegas (or all three - Viva Lake Las Vegas!!), I usually prefer to start my boozing after lunchtime. There's a reason why naptime starts around 2pm, no?

Anyway, we are having a teeny, tiny , small SuperBowl shindig this Sunday that will include a few friends, alcohol and a smattering of children. I guess I will have to issue drink tickets to all The Vaginas to keep their consumption at a responsible level and then shuffle them off into the garage so the children don't witness the Madness. Fortunately, the Penises with their extra, Y-Chromosome Enhanced livers should help keep everything in control.

February 1, 2007

The Other White Milk?

Updated to add: Mojavi has linked to this and also is providing the contact info for all those Porky Wankers over at her site. Way to go, Nancy Drew!

Okay, I don't usually jump on Breastfeeding Bandwagons much. Actually, I have very strong opinions about the topic, but I prefer to be Switzerland because I am weary of the Mommy Wars. The Swiss are a peaceful people, no? Why fight? However. What I am about to link to pissed me off. Royally. Apparently, The Lactivist is being threatened by the National Pork Board for a CafePress t-shirt she was selling that had the slogan "The Other White Milk". Part of the letter she received contained the following ludicrous and insulting verbiage:

"In addition, your use of this slogan also tarnishes the good reputation of the National Pork Board's mark in light of your apparent attempt to promote the use of breastmilk beyond merely for infant consumption........."

WTF? Like the site is promoting an adult breastfeeding fetish? Did those Fat Porky Wankers even bother to fucking look at her site? Has the world gone mad?

A special thanks goes out to Lakelines for the linkage on this.

When did you lose your Amazon Virginity?

Average Jane asks the question.......

When I looked at my history, I was a little surprised to find that it was only April 2, 1998 - the reason why I was surprised is that I specifically remember receiving packages from Amazon in a particular apartment I lived in. I will never, ever forget that giddy, heady excitement of a purchase made via the INTERNET garnered at ridiculously cheap prices. However, I moved from that apartment in 1997. That move entailed an entire job change and an email change, so that must be why the history is incomplete. ANYWAY, my Virginity Of Record was lost on N is for Noose and Frenchy's Grease Scrapbook: We'll Always be Together.

I love the irony of those purchases. I had a little "problem" with Amazon in the beginning where I could not control my insane clicking away, hence the "noose". In fact, for two years straight, I received a special coffee travel mug as a "customer appreciation" gift. I knew I was spending WAY too much if they were sending me free coffee mugs (X lost one of my precious coffee mugs and never understood why I was so furious at the time). However, I still purchase things from Amazon and use them frequently as a resource, hence the "we'll always be together".

I'll admit, I still miss the free bookmarks - don't you? I used to hoard them.